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Sex life after being cheated on Watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok so for 18 years I kept my virginity because it meant a lot to me and I wanted to be ready and to only have sex with someone who I loved.

    I fell in love with my boyfriend at the time and lost my virginity to him , half a year later I found out he cheated on me, this hurt me so much because I had someone months before I found out that he did something with another girl but I didn't have proof so I continued the relationship when I found out about another girl I ended the relationship. it's still raw to me as it only just happened and I'm still trying to accept it.

    I'm scared that I may start having sex with different boys or one night stands because I'm lonely or because I'm hurt.

    I had so much confidence in those 18 years I didn't loose it , I was ready in the time to loose it to him, it does may me sad that for so long I kept it and trusted him and had sex with him and then months down the line he cheated.

    I say to myself I only want to have sex with someone I'm in love with and in a relationship with. So my next relationship may take me a while to trust the guy to have sex it's him and that is ok.

    How do I stop myself and control myself because I'm afraid I'll have temptations. Will it be any different from when I was a virgin to now that I'm not? Will I crave it more ?

    Please can I get some advice or stories you've been through or have to give to me. I want to keep my self confidence because I'm proud I kept it for so long and now I'm broken.
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    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so for 18 years I kept my virginity because it meant a lot to me and I wanted to be ready and to only have sex with someone who I loved.

    I fell in love with my boyfriend at the time and lost my virginity to him , half a year later I found out he cheated on me, this hurt me so much because I had someone months before I found out that he did something with another girl but I didn't have proof so I continued the relationship when I found out about another girl I ended the relationship. it's still raw to me as it only just happened and I'm still trying to accept it.

    I'm scared that I may start having sex with different boys or one night stands because I'm lonely or because I'm hurt.

    I had so much confidence in those 18 years I didn't loose it , I was ready in the time to loose it to him, it does may me sad that for so long I kept it and trusted him and had sex with him and then months down the line he cheated.

    I say to myself I only want to have sex with someone I'm in love with and in a relationship with. So my next relationship may take me a while to trust the guy to have sex it's him and that is ok.

    How do I stop myself and control myself because I'm afraid I'll have temptations. Will it be any different from when I was a virgin to now that I'm not? Will I crave it more ?

    Please can I get some advice or stories you've been through or have to give to me. I want to keep my self confidence because I'm proud I kept it for so long and now I'm broken.
    “For 18 years I kept my virginity”
    It’s not as if that would have been an issue when you were a child... lmao.

    He cheated on you. It sucks, but get the f*ck over it. Love isn’t all true and fairies and honesty and magic, stop being so pathetic. He was an ass. Move on.

    Oh, and virginity is a social construct. It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost it or not. Sex is perfectly natural and if you want to do it, do. If you don’t then don’t.

    I dont know what advice you’re expecting other than “get a grip”
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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    “For 18 years I kept my virginity”
    It’s not as if that would have been an issue when you were a child... lmao.

    He cheated on you. It sucks, but get the f*ck over it. Love isn’t all true and fairies and honesty and magic, stop being so pathetic. He was an ass. Move on.

    Oh, and virginity is a social construct. It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost it or not. Sex is perfectly natural and if you want to do it, do. If you don’t then don’t.

    I dont know what advice you’re expecting other than “get a grip”
    Ok thanks. Abit harsh but thank you, tough love I guess. It's just that I may want to because I miss it and end up doing it with a one night stand or something stupid! Which isn't me. So just finding ways to prevent it ect
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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    “For 18 years I kept my virginity”
    It’s not as if that would have been an issue when you were a child... lmao.

    He cheated on you. It sucks, but get the f*ck over it. Love isn’t all true and fairies and honesty and magic, stop being so pathetic. He was an ass. Move on.

    Oh, and virginity is a social construct. It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost it or not. Sex is perfectly natural and if you want to do it, do. If you don’t then don’t.

    I dont know what advice you’re expecting other than “get a grip”
    Okay I get love isn't all perfect and fairytales but does that mean I should forgive him? I don't get what your saying. I'm honestly hurt about it because we went through so much and I invested so much time we both did when things was hard!
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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Could I get some advice on this please
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    Hi, OP. I'm similar to you in the way I only want to have sex in a relationship, and I didn't have sex until I was 21 with my first boyfriend.

    I can only imagine how hurtful your experience was. I haven't ever been cheated on, but the first thing you should do is to let go of any regret of having had sex with your ex. You did it because you loved him at the time and you wouldn't have known of his betrayal later. You don't have to forgive him for his wrongs, but you can forgive yourself for not knowing any better.

    As for your worries about giving in to temptations and having one night stands, you already know that you would only want to do it "because I'm lonely or because I'm hurt". You're already one step ahead and have the awareness that this is a bad way to get over your experience with your ex, so I don't think this is something you have to worry about. It's really hard to say whether you will crave sex more, because everyone's sex drive is different. I think you should think about why you don't want to have one night stands. Is it because you only want sex with a deep emotional connection?

    I think you've already had it figured out for your next relationship: "So my next relationship may take me a while to trust the guy to have sex it's him and that is ok. " I hope the next person you're with will prove that there are trustworthy people in the world! You can always PM me if you need a chat.
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    grow up maybe idk
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so for 18 years I kept my virginity because it meant a lot to me and I wanted to be ready and to only have sex with someone who I loved.
    No you didn't. You probably didn't even know what the concept of virginity was until about 5 years ago (when you were 13 ish). And plus, you wouldn't have really been able to loose it even if you wanted to until about 2 years ago (16 years old). So really, you've only decided not to loose it for about 2 years.
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    • #3
    #3

    you picked a douchebag deal with it
 
 
 
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