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I'm 18 and love my ex teacher from secondary. Watch

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    Im in year 13 now and i have fancied my ex head of year from year 10, we spent so much time together (during and after school but on premises) we used to speak for hours and hours, i used to confide in him and he gave me alot of attention, there are countless things hes done which make me feel like he also liked me.is it illegal to go back and tell him? how do i tell him? how do i know if he shares the same feelings? i haven't seen him in 3 years now!Help!
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    If you love him let him go,engaging sexually with a student is a criminal offence,he could go to prison
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    wait till you leave school
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    i do not attend the school anymore and i am an adult,
    (Original post by gfdhdfghdfgh)
    If you love him let him go,engaging sexually with a student is a criminal offence,he could go to prison
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    (Original post by Reue)
    wait till you leave school
    Im retaking year 12 so i still have two years to go to uni rather than one... should i wait until i am in uni.. but i at least want to let him know i like him because he might get into another relationship within two years,, i want to know if he feels the same way
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    (Original post by hippiewappie)
    Im retaking year 12 so i still have two years to go to uni rather than one... should i wait until i am in uni.. but i at least want to let him know i like him because he might get into another relationship within two years,, i want to know if he feels the same way
    Yes; wait

    No; don't let him know
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Yes; wait

    No; don't let him know
    is it okay to send flowers on his birthday..
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    (Original post by gfdhdfghdfgh)
    If you love him let him go,engaging sexually with a student is a criminal offence,he could go to prison
    I do not engage sexually and do not intend to in any way as i am bound by a religion
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    (Original post by hippiewappie)
    Im in year 13 now and i have fancied my ex head of year from year 10, we spent so much time together (during and after school but on premises) we used to speak for hours and hours, i used to confide in him and he gave me alot of attention, there are countless things hes done which make me feel like he also liked me.is it illegal to go back and tell him? how do i tell him? how do i know if he shares the same feelings? i haven't seen him in 3 years now!Help!
    I realise this is a big deal for you, but it could be a very difficult situation for him. Although you are now an adult, if you two were to date it would put a lot of question onto him and how professional he is.
    You started liking him when you were a minor he was teaching and that makes it suspicious that maybe he gave you extra attention or is taking advantage of you.
    I know that probably isn't the case, but it's what a lot of people will think and that could cost him his career.
    It also just puts him in an awkward position.
    Sending him flowers would do the same.
    There's also the question of how old he is and what your age difference would be.

    It's a difficult situation and you might actually find it helps to talk it over with somebody like a counsellor or samaritans (you can email them). It just gives you a way to talk things out and let out some of your feelings in an impartial environment.

    I would at the very least wait until you are out of education.
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    samaritans (you can email them). I.
    Isn't samaritans just for people contemplating suicide...?
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    (Original post by banoffeee)
    Isn't samaritans just for people contemplating suicide...?
    "We offer a safe place for you to talk any time you like, in your own way – about whatever’s getting to you. You don’t have to be suicidal."
    https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you


    It's often talked about in relation to that, but it is there for anything. Obviously you wouldn't want to contact them for a lost shoe, but they are there to talk through anything that people need to talk about. That often means Mental Health related things like dangerous thoughts, but can also be about things you don't know what to do about or need to talk through.
    Basically, if it's causing you distress you can talk to them about it.
    (I would suggest email though cos it leaves phone lines open for more urgent things)
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    The Samaritans website also has links to other organisations people may find useful...
    https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-ca...r-sources-help

    ...Including Relate which offers relationship advice through various methods including online chat
    https://www.relate.org.uk/relationsh...hat-counsellor
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    Yeah you're REAL mature
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    "We offer a safe place for you to talk any time you like, in your own way – about whatever’s getting to you. You don’t have to be suicidal."
    https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you


    It's often talked about in relation to that, but it is there for anything. Obviously you wouldn't want to contact them for a lost shoe, but they are there to talk through anything that people need to talk about. That often means Mental Health related things like dangerous thoughts, but can also be about things you don't know what to do about or need to talk through.
    Basically, if it's causing you distress you can talk to them about it.
    (I would suggest email though cos it leaves phone lines open for more urgent things)
    Honestly I don't view the OP's situation to be one of distress, in my eyes it certainly wouldn't solicit the attention of the Samaritans.

    OP, it's pretty common to develop these kinds of feelings for people in positions of trust who have given you the time of day when you're still young and going through a slightly bleak period. They help you out of it and feel like a lifeline, your feelings start to escalate, and it might feel like love, but probably isn't. It's certainly happened to me in the past on a number of occasions. But as time goes by, you can still admire them for what an amazing human being they are, and what a great role they had in your development, without attaching romantic feelings to them. I honestly think you're at a key, transitional phase in your life and personal growth right now and are projecting a whole load of things onto this guy.

    Ultimately, you could pursue him if you wanted, but i doubt it would go as planned, for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, it probably wouldn't happen in reality in the way you're idealising in your head. Secondly, he has his own life outside of being a teacher, and probably has his own relationships. Thirdly, you'll probably find that with time, the more you get out there, the more adventurous you get, you find someone who isn't just the guy who seems to fix all your problems, who isn't just the only person to really give you the time of day when you were 16, but is more of a complement to yourself and excites/stimulates you in more healthy ways. And that's not even taking account of the fact he'd be liasing with an ex student if something happened between you - do you have any idea what that could do to his professional reputation? Even if you are no longer a student, it would raise serious questions about him in a position of trust. He deserves better than that.
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    (Original post by banoffeee)
    Honestly I don't view the OP's situation to be one of distress, in my eyes it certainly wouldn't solicit the attention of the Samaritans.

    OP, it's pretty common to develop these kinds of feelings for people in positions of trust who have given you the time of day when you're still young and going through a slightly bleak period. They help you out of it and feel like a lifeline, your feelings start to escalate, and it might feel like love, but probably isn't. It's certainly happened to me in the past on a number of occasions. But as time goes by, you can still admire them for what an amazing human being they are, and what a great role they had in your development, without attaching romantic feelings to them. I honestly think you're at a key, transitional phase in your life and personal growth right now and are projecting a whole load of things onto this guy.

    Ultimately, you could pursue him if you wanted, but i doubt it would go as planned, for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, it probably wouldn't happen in reality in the way you're idealising in your head. Secondly, he has his own life outside of being a teacher, and probably has his own relationships. Thirdly, you'll probably find that with time, the more you get out there, the more adventurous you get, you find someone who isn't just the guy who seems to fix all your problems, who isn't just the only person to really give you the time of day when you were 16, but is more of a complement to yourself and excites/stimulates you in more healthy ways. And that's not even taking account of the fact he'd be liasing with an ex student if something happened between you - do you have any idea what that could do to his professional reputation? Even if you are no longer a student, it would raise serious questions about him in a position of trust. He deserves better than that.
    You never know what people find distressing so I put it out there sometimes. I agree it's not something that would tend to require a service like that, but you never know and it can be difficult to find anything more relevant. A the end of the day, the person reading it is more capable than me of deciding if they are in distress. I've been distressed over some pretty stupid things before so I like to let people know what their options are just in case.
    Sometimes I throw it out there when it's not very relevant (especially when I'm tired and not too good with judging situations), but I'd rather that than miss out when somebody does need it.

    That first paragraph was beautiful by the way. Very true and very well said.
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    (Original post by Kindred)
    You never know what people find distressing so I put it out there sometimes. I agree it's not something that would tend to require a service like that, but you never know and it can be difficult to find anything more relevant. A the end of the day, the person reading it is more capable than me of deciding if they are in distress. I've been distressed over some pretty stupid things before so I like to let people know what their options are just in case.
    Sometimes I throw it out there when it's not very relevant (especially when I'm tired and not too good with judging situations), but I'd rather that than miss out when somebody does need it.

    That first paragraph was beautiful by the way. Very true and very well said.
    XD.

    Yep definitely better to say it than not say it! Without wanting to sound like a wizened preacher at the ripe old age of 24, I think I just take these kinds of intense feelings less seriously now then when I was younger, but I suppose it is distressing when you think someone is the 'be it and end all' but out of reach. Probably makes them that bit more enticing :P
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    You used to speak to him for hours at a time and he gave you a lot of attention? If you're not exaggerating, then it sounds like he was grooming you.
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    (Original post by hippiewappie)
    I do not engage sexually and do not intend to in any way as i am bound by a religion


    from his point of view it would be a very poor risk reward endeavour

    although probably not technically illegal and won't result in jail time for him, this sort of thing if it gets out will Sully his career, upset parents, and may indeed lead to his dismissal [depending on the HeadTeacher's opinion]

    added to that the fact that he's not even going to laid [due to your religious beliefs], means he's got very little to gain, but everything to lose by choosing to date you.

    I would say, it's best you go and find a guy who isn't/wasn't your teacher ...but if you want to go down this route at least offer the man a bit more than a kiss and a cuddle due to all the risk he's taking......
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    (Original post by banoffeee)
    Honestly I don't view the OP's situation to be one of distress, in my eyes it certainly wouldn't solicit the attention of the Samaritans.

    OP, it's pretty common to develop these kinds of feelings for people in positions of trust who have given you the time of day when you're still young and going through a slightly bleak period. They help you out of it and feel like a lifeline, your feelings start to escalate, and it might feel like love, but probably isn't. It's certainly happened to me in the past on a number of occasions. But as time goes by, you can still admire them for what an amazing human being they are, and what a great role they had in your development, without attaching romantic feelings to them. I honestly think you're at a key, transitional phase in your life and personal growth right now and are projecting a whole load of things onto this guy.

    Ultimately, you could pursue him if you wanted, but i doubt it would go as planned, for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, it probably wouldn't happen in reality in the way you're idealising in your head. Secondly, he has his own life outside of being a teacher, and probably has his own relationships. Thirdly, you'll probably find that with time, the more you get out there, the more adventurous you get, you find someone who isn't just the guy who seems to fix all your problems, who isn't just the only person to really give you the time of day when you were 16, but is more of a complement to yourself and excites/stimulates you in more healthy ways. And that's not even taking account of the fact he'd be liasing with an ex student if something happened between you - do you have any idea what that could do to his professional reputation? Even if you are no longer a student, it would raise serious questions about him in a position of trust. He deserves better than that.
    Thank you so much , the paragraph is certainly helpful and very well thought out I just wanted to say that i know he isn't in a relationship but i'm worried he might get married within the next few years that ill graduate university i just want to in any sort of way tell him if he could wait for me .. something like that just to see his stance or weather or not he would consider that..
 
 
 
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