Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Is my boyfriend unattracted to me? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I've been with my bf for three months now and decided I wanted to lose my v-card to him. But when we tried to have sex he couldn't get hard. I was disappointed at first but thought this was normal when having sex for the first time. But it happened the second time and now the third time. It's making me really insecure. Is it my body that is stopping him from getting hard? I don't understand. He can get hard and is able to **** when watching porn but he can't do the same thing when he's with me. Is he unattracted to me because I don't have a porn star body?
    Online

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Don't feel bad that you don't have a porn star body. Porn is fantasy and is nowhere close to what real life sex is like. Maybe he has been watching porn too much and has become less sensitive?
    Online

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my bf for three months now and decided I wanted to lose my v-card to him. But when we tried to have sex he couldn't get hard. I was disappointed at first but thought this was normal when having sex for the first time. But it happened the second time and now the third time. It's making me really insecure. Is it my body that is stopping him from getting hard? I don't understand. He can get hard and is able to **** when watching porn but he can't do the same thing when he's with me. Is he unattracted to me because I don't have a porn star body?
    Don't be so quick to be putting yourself down. It could well be the male porn stars that are getting him hard.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    You need to do something porn-esque, to break the rut. Tie him up, spit in his face and call him a dirty little slut, and tell him if he can't get his tiny little limp **** up you'll **** one of his friends instead and make him watch.

    I am not saying it will work, but where is the harm in trying.
    • #2
    #2

    i can relate to this!

    actually, it's funny because i post a lot of my pictures on pornhub and always have guys say that it gets them hard, that they **** to it, they ejaculate to it, etc. however, the reason i probably post on there is because i used to be in this really terrible relationship with this guy before which had really torn down my self-esteem. i never felt attractive because he never got hard to me in person, even though he could to my pictures.

    i think it's really different for guys, who are so used to being sexual alone, to react to sex in person, especially if it's his first time. if your boyfriend found you unattractive, then he wouldn't even be willing to have sex with you in the first place, so don't worry about that! i think that a lot of guys are truthfully nervous, and this is why it does take a few attempts at first! also, maybe try not to plan specific dates to do it on, if that's what's currently happening. try and wait for it to occur naturally, because that's when he'll probably feel most comfortable to become fully aroused, and it'll be a great time for both of you

    and nobody needs a pornstar body to be attractive! every woman is attractive!
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like an awkward situation but I can relate to it for some reason (I'm a male though). Maybe he's just nervous? When I'm nervous I tend to lose my erection a lot. Or maybe your parents are in the house and you're both trying to be discreet? A lot of factors can impact your boyfriend's erection. Maybe he's just feeling cold. Maybe he's not comfortable. Maybe he has phimosis. And unless you're either incredibly skinny or fat, I doubt any man would have a problem when trying to have sex with you if you don't look bad. Give it some time. Get more comfortable and intimate.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i can relate to this!

    actually, it's funny because i post a lot of my pictures on pornhub and always have guys say that it gets them hard, that they **** to it, they ejaculate to it, etc. however, the reason i probably post on there is because i used to be in this really terrible relationship with this guy before which had really torn down my self-esteem. i never felt attractive because he never got hard to me in person, even though he could to my pictures.

    i think it's really different for guys, who are so used to being sexual alone, to react to sex in person, especially if it's his first time. if your boyfriend found you unattractive, then he wouldn't even be willing to have sex with you in the first place, so don't worry about that! i think that a lot of guys are truthfully nervous, and this is why it does take a few attempts at first! also, maybe try not to plan specific dates to do it on, if that's what's currently happening. try and wait for it to occur naturally, because that's when he'll probably feel most comfortable to become fully aroused, and it'll be a great time for both of you

    and nobody needs a pornstar body to be attractive! every woman is attractive!
    We can't just wait for it to occur naturally. We don't live together. Both of us still live with our parents.
    • #2
    #2

    awh, that must make it a lil difficult then! it's not always easy to force it to happen, i've found that forcing yourself to feel aroused usually has detrimental effects. that could maybe be what is happening here?

    nonetheless, you could still try and just hang out for an evening, not have any plans of doing anything, but then seeing if anything does occur?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    awh, that must make it a lil difficult then! it's not always easy to force it to happen, i've found that forcing yourself to feel aroused usually has detrimental effects. that could maybe be what is happening here?

    nonetheless, you could still try and just hang out for an evening, not have any plans of doing anything, but then seeing if anything does occur?
    He gets aroused when we're making out but as soon we take our clothes off he stops being hard.
    • #2
    #2

    then that shows that he's probably just extremely nervous! as said above, nervousness can definitely impact arousal. maybe, once you've both taken your clothes off, just try and dirty talk him into feeling comfortable or make out some more, etc. for him to regain his confidence again
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Probably nerves.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by awkwardshortguy)
    Don't be so quick to be putting yourself down. It could well be the male porn stars that are getting him hard.
    Haha that's what I was thinking
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been with my bf for three months now and decided I wanted to lose my v-card to him. But when we tried to have sex he couldn't get hard. I was disappointed at first but thought this was normal when having sex for the first time. But it happened the second time and now the third time. It's making me really insecure. Is it my body that is stopping him from getting hard? I don't understand. He can get hard and is able to **** when watching porn but he can't do the same thing when he's with me. Is he unattracted to me because I don't have a porn star body?
    He might just have some performance issues. If he's nervous it can make it difficult for him to get hard. He's with you so he clearly finds you attractive in some way as you don't date someone you find repulsive.

    Maybe take it slow and play around with him to build up to actual penetrative sex? Could talk to him too, but just have lost of making out that doesn't go anywhere and maybe that will help.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Just ask him! 😊
    • Political Ambassador
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    That's kinda f***ed up
    Offline

    5
    ReputationRep:
    V-card?

    Is that a spell, trap or monster card?
    Whatever it is "I ACTIVATE MIRROR FORCE"
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by awkwardshortguy)
    Don't be so quick to be putting yourself down. It could well be the male porn stars that are getting him hard.
    LOOL
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • #3
    #3

    Girl, I know exactly how you feel! I was in a LDR for months with this guy and I hadn't lost my V card yet but wanted to with him and when it came to the point where we had done everything else and I was comfortable to have sex with him, he couldn't get hard enough. Now, till this day still no clue what the problem was, we tried having actual sex like 10x but only managed successfully twice and trust me for months and months it ate away at my self esteem cause I thought I was the problem.

    Honestly I don't have an answer to how you can fix it. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It could be psychological as well, who knows. Just give it a bit of time I guess?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 30, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.