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Being friendless

I kind of have no friends at the moment im 22 and live with family etc we have had several family gatherings for christmas and each time my uncle has asked things like 'where are all your mates' I think he is wondering why im young and still having parties with my family etc but the truth is I have no mates lol and am sick of being told by family memebers that I 'should be going to my own parties with friends' and people asking where my friends are. I just never know what to say, is anyone else in this situation? What would you say?

Reply 1

Stealth-Mode

13

hhhmmm- do you work/uni etc?

I kinda know what you mean- i always had this guy- a friend of the family who when i was about 14 always used to say why arn't you out with ur mates? or asking who they are etc- basically trying to ascertain whether i had any.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

I do work but not with the same people all the time Im a support worker so just have aquantinces really most of them are at uni whereas im not. Same with my sports teams most of them are a little older than me and have settled down with families.

Reply 3

piknik

Anonymous

I kind of have no friends at the moment im 22 and live with family etc we have had several family gatherings for christmas and each time my uncle has asked things like 'where are all your mates' I think he is wondering why im young and still having parties with my family etc but the truth is I have no mates lol and am sick of being told by family memebers that I 'should be going to my own parties with friends' and people asking where my friends are. I just never know what to say, is anyone else in this situation? What would you say?

first of all, I don't see anything odd about attending the family gathering over Christmas, what's odd about that? I would have thought most people would attend a family gathering.

secondly, are you currently at uni or working, like someone just asked?

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

piknik

first of all, I don't see anything odd about attending the family gathering over Christmas, what's odd about that? I would have thought most people would attend a family gathering.

secondly, are you currently at uni or working, like someone just asked?

well my 18 year old cousin came with 2 of his friends so people probably wonder always why I don't have any. I do too lol.

Reply 5

cottonmouth

11

Anonymous

I kind of have no friends at the moment im 22 and live with family etc we have had several family gatherings for christmas and each time my uncle has asked things like 'where are all your mates' I think he is wondering why im young and still having parties with my family etc but the truth is I have no mates lol and am sick of being told by family memebers that I 'should be going to my own parties with friends' and people asking where my friends are. I just never know what to say, is anyone else in this situation? What would you say?

Start taking drugs, and you'll talk to everybody.

Reply 6

piknik

Anonymous

well my 18 year old cousin came with 2 of his friends so people probably wonder always why I don't have any. I do too lol.

what are you referring to when you say "I do too"?

In the OP you said that your family felt that you should be with your friends and not at the family gathering :s

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

piknik

what are you referring to when you say "I do too"?

In the OP you said that your family felt that you should be with your friends and not at the family gathering :s

Im referring to family wondering why I have no friends I just meant that I wonder why I don't as well. My family are not bothered that Im with them but my mum says that I should be having parties with my own friends and I think the rest of the family think I should too, expecially when they ask where my mates are.

Reply 8

bex_26797

14

Are you shy, maybe people think you are too aloof.. be more talkative, go clubbing, join things which may give you opportunity. Always be available. Find interesting things, ask people about themselves. Always be positive

Reply 9

piknik

Anonymous

Im referring to family wondering why I have no friends I just meant that I wonder why I don't as well. My family are not bothered that Im with them but my mum says that I should be having parties with my own friends and I think the rest of the family think I should too, expecially when they ask where my mates are.

OK, I just think that most people would attend a family gathering during Christmas over going out with mates.
Or do you mean they expect you to get your friends over at the party?

Reply 10

Stealth-Mode

13

Anonymous

well my 18 year old cousin came with 2 of his friends so people probably wonder always why I don't have any. I do too lol.

if you do want to make more friends and aren't just happy as you are (some ppl are and thats fine imo) then you should be more strategic in making friends...joining clubs with ppl of your own age group and generally making sure you get involved with activities that widen your social network. You are only 22 so there are plenty of types of places where you can go that would enable this- if you were 42 the solution would be a lot harder in this respect i think.

Loads of ppl start afresh in their twenties/thirties and make new friends/ relationships. But if ur not a natural social butterfly then use ur head and be a strategist. Worth the effort.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

piknik

OK, I just think that most people would attend a family gathering during Christmas over going out with mates.
Or do you mean they expect you to get your friends over at the party?

Not really I just think they mean I should be going out to my own parties either instead or as well as the family ones.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Stealth-Mode

if you do want to make more friends and aren't just happy as you are (some ppl are and thats fine imo) then you should be more strategic in making friends...joining clubs with ppl of your own age group and generally making sure you get involved with activities that widen your social network. You are only 22 so there are plenty of types of places where you can go that would enable this- if you were 42 the solution would be a lot harder in this respect i think.

Loads of ppl start afresh in their twenties/thirties and make new friends/ relationships. But if ur not a natural social butterfly then use ur head and be a strategist. Worth the effort.

Thanks, I thought that I would make friends at work but Ive not, people say the best places to meet people are pubs and clubs but Id hate to go on my own and wouldn't feel safe lol. I'l consider getting involved in more stuff though, thanks.

Reply 13

piknik

Anonymous

Not really I just think they mean I should be going out to my own parties either instead or as well as the family ones.

well, I find it strange to expect that you'll not attend the family gatherings tbh.

Tell them that you go to other parities as well as family ones?

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Yea I could tell them that I suppose I do usually say that my mates are all busy. Then my mum either smirks or shakes her head as she knows I have none lol.

Reply 15

piknik

Anonymous

Yea I could tell them that I suppose I do usually say that my mates are all busy. Then my mum either smirks or shakes her head as she knows I have none lol.

you really need to talk to your mum about this. let her know that she's making you feel so bad about yourself, and ffs, ask her why she thinks you shouldn't be with your family on a , hmm, family gathering?!

are you still in touch with any school friends?

Reply 16

Stealth-Mode

13

Anonymous

Thanks, I thought that I would make friends at work but Ive not, people say the best places to meet people are pubs and clubs but Id hate to go on my own and wouldn't feel safe lol. I'l consider getting involved in more stuff though, thanks.

NO NO NO- pubs and clubs? i hate when ppl say that- going to them on ones own is really uncomfortable in my opinion. They are full of groups of freinds and ppl who already know each other..

try groups/activities where it is expected that one would be alone in the first place- must easier imo

...reminds me of a few months ago- uni freshers- sum genius at the SU decided to host club nights where ppl can break the ice/make friends- i thought that was a total contradiction in terms- getting to know ppl in a club? Yeah right...one night stands if your lucky...long term friendships? Never seen that one happen from going to clubs before haha- much better in an informal setting where ppl are relaxed and open to getting into conversations (for making friends)

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

piknik

you really need to talk to your mum about this. let her know that she's making you feel so bad about yourself, and ffs, ask her why she thinks you shouldn't be with your family on a , hmm, family gathering?!

are you still in touch with any school friends?

I don't think shes bothered that im at family gatherings but I'l ask her about it. I still know 2 old friends one Ive recently started talking to on my space and the other is married living in a different town but still comes round sometimes. She won't come and go to parties etc though she says its against her religion (muslim).