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    Whatever I've been doing all my life it's never good enough for my mother.

    She is very harsh and always has something to say about how I could push myself harder. She wants me to be this amazing successful person but I'm not. All my life she just wants to keep pushing me. You might say she only wants me to do my very best but her perfectionism has broken my self esteem.

    throughout anything I do, she can always pick on something to criticise. I have always try to measure up, to please her, to make her happy, but she never is.

    She always has a way of making it seem like her love is conditional. She wants me to do everything 100% seriously. Back when I was at school she wouldn't let me have any social life or date any boys when I was at school because it would interfere with my education.

    The only thing she cares about is how good I am at things, and if I'm not perfect, or her idea of perfect, it's not good enough for her. This has impacted my mental health.

    She is also an alcoholic and has depression so I have always felt like if I did well at things, then it would make her change and make her be happy. But it never did.

    My self esteem is broken. Please help me
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    First of all, don't worry about anything. Success is one of the best ways to impress anyone, and use her longing desire for you to be "perfect" to your advantage. Help it motivate you, and yes I understand completely, sometimes you don't want to do so and want to just sit down and chill out. Then do so, but don't ever get too lazy, just keep at it trust me, don't worry about not impressing her, be successful and at the end of the day you have done your job.

    She loves you and lives through you, you must show her love and affection, trust me be happy and don't worry about anything, if you want a boyfriend get one, don't have to tell her. Learn to be happy regardless of the situation your in and always go between guidelines, does it mean you have a social life if she doesn't know you have one? "It's not cheating if no one sees it". Don't go over the line but work your way around things, break rules but not in front of her. Learn to live!!!
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    First of all, don't worry about anything. Success is one of the best ways to impress anyone, and use her longing desire for you to be "perfect" to your advantage. Help it motivate you, and yes I understand completely, sometimes you don't want to do so and want to just sit down and chill out. Then do so, but don't ever get too lazy, just keep at it trust me, don't worry about not impressing her, be successful and at the end of the day you have done your job.

    She loves you and lives through you, you must show her love and affection, trust me be happy and don't worry about anything, if you want a boyfriend get one, don't have to tell her. Learn to be happy regardless of the situation your in and always go between guidelines, does it mean you have a social life if she doesn't know you have one? "It's not cheating if no one sees it". Don't go over the line but work your way around things, break rules but not in front of her. Learn to live!!! P.S always be confident in yourself, that will seperate your success and failures... belief in yourself.
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    (Original post by Malikgunebakan1)
    First of all, don't worry about anything. Success is one of the best ways to impress anyone, and use her longing desire for you to be "perfect" to your advantage. Help it motivate you, and yes I understand completely, sometimes you don't want to do so and want to just sit down and chill out. Then do so, but don't ever get too lazy, just keep at it trust me, don't worry about not impressing her, be successful and at the end of the day you have done your job.

    She loves you and lives through you, you must show her love and affection, trust me be happy and don't worry about anything, if you want a boyfriend get one, don't have to tell her. Learn to be happy regardless of the situation your in and always go between guidelines, does it mean you have a social life if she doesn't know you have one? "It's not cheating if no one sees it". Don't go over the line but work your way around things, break rules but not in front of her. Learn to live!!!
    Thanks for your reply.

    I'm older now, I'm not at school any more, I finished university, so I can do what I like now because I am not a child anymore. But I have to live with her because I am too poor to pay rent. And I can't stop feeling worthless
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    My mum is also like this at times. Honestly I know how badly it affects your mental health and self esteem. It feels so wrong, like there is something wrong with you, if even your own mother isn't happy with you.

    Growing up, my mum and my own views are very different and we clash a lot at so many things. I have come to realise whilst she might be my mum, she is just another human being and so am I. I do listen to her but I am not afraid to offer her my own peice of mind. We do get along when it comes to little things but when it is towards the big ideas like lifestyle choices we differ a lot. Really, I do what I want as long as I know it's not something damaging or harmful to anyone. I used to be told off for a lot of things and it really use to get to me...but now I will listen her rants with one ear and let it out through the other, I still respect her but I respect myself enough to realise what is right for me and wrong as well. I know I won't turn into a crazy nightmare, like i have good intentions, but my mum isnt able to see that at all times.

    Having a boyfriend or a social life is nothing bad. It's tiring to keep hearing from our parents do this not that. They were once our age too and probably have made a lot of mistakes so they push their expectation onto us but fight for yourself.

    If you make a mistake you will learn from,you
    are not living your mother's life or rather your mum is not living yours, how can you learn from mistakes if she is telling you to improve on her expectation all the time?

    I am not a bad daughter, but I make mistakes at times, you know when I realised that she is after all my mum, she gave birth to me, despite her behaviour, her different views, she will always love me even if we fight everyday. The toxicity was building up around how I was viewing the situation as well,instead of agreeing with and beating myself up for everything she said I started arguing with her and giving my honest opinions. What is this called straying being rebellious? If I hadn't so then I would have hated my mother for agreeing with her ad scarficing my happiness for her. I would have questioned her love for me like you are doing and I would've felt miserable with myslef. But I chose to fight for myself, **** it if it was okay or not,I never really did anything out of the norm tho anyway haha. Still I felt guilty at first but I accepted and became more confident with myself after.

    Keep fighting for what you believe in,you are an owbyn person of yourself, we are going to carey out our dutys of loving our parents and trying to understand them but also doing oursleves justice living our life the way want. You parents dont want to see you be sad they just want you to be a secure adult so you won't sturggle but that doesnt mean you dont know what you are doing and they keep controlling you. Trust yourself.
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