3 years ago I was on a night out and met some guy, he bought me a few drinks and we kissed a bit, he pointed out that I lived near him and that he’d share a taxi with me which I agreed to, I don’t remember leaving the club or the taxi or even getting to his house, I remember being lay on his bed asking where I was and him telling me to be quiet, I then rolled on my side and said I needed sleep because I felt sick, I felt him get into bed at the side of me and start to grab my hip and kiss my neck, I then remember waking up next to him, I felt sore and extremely shakey so I got up and got a taxi home, a few days later my friend told me he had been going round telling people we had sex, I do not remember anything, for months after that I didn’t go out, I didn’t drink or go anywhere, about 6 months later I got in a relationship with my boyfriend who I have now been with for 3 years, I’ve never told him about what happened because I dont know how he’d react, I’ve never told anyone cos I don’t think people would believe that I didn’t remember anything or they wouldn’t think anything of it because I was a bit of a party girl and liked going out drinking and had one night stands before (all of which I remember), 3 years on though and this still haunts me, the fact that I can’t remember anything makes me feel so strange I can’t even describe it, I’ve never spoke out about it because I wanted to forget it but I’m starting to thing that it has effected me more than I thought originally, I suffer with anxiety and depression, my studies have suffered because of this and even my relationship and times because my confidence is completely shattered, I know I can’t go to the police because what would be the point but how do I move on from this? How do I gain confidence in myself again? I feel like I want to tell people what happened but it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have got so drunk and been so irresponsible and that’s what everyone will think, that I was just a stupid girl who made a stupid decision, I need a way to move on because this is breaking me as a person
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Was it rape? watch
- Thread Starter
- 31-10-2017 09:24
- Community Assistant
- 31-10-2017 09:29
If he did have sex with you while you were unconscious that is in no way your fault. Do not blame yourself. Yes, it sounds like he raped you and that is not okay.
Please go and talk to your doctor. They'll be able to refer you to a therapist or someone who you can talk to about this.
I'd also recommend going to the police and reporting it. It doesn't matter how long ago this was, but even if he didn't have sex with you it sounds like he did something sexual to you while you weren't consenting to it. And that's not okay.
- 31-10-2017 09:30
I went through this this weekend with my boyfriend and I had a flashback during, well, yeah. So we both got upset and talked about it. I feel a lot better knowing he knows so I can get over it. He also spoke about his experiences as well. Therapy is hit or miss in England, so I'd always recommend talking to someone you trust about it.
Also in the same boat as you, ages ago and I was drunk. Stuff happens and it's not okay. But sadly there's nothing we can do other than move on. Knowing that eases the stress.