Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Hello my name is Isabelle. I am sorry for that terrible english but as you did guess it's not my native language...

    I am 20 years and study math in London. My bf is a british military and a bit macho.All is great but with the studies, job and daily things to do I struggle to get some time with my bf. To fix that, we did decide to make some sport together. What was the more complicated was to find a sport that can fit for both of us. I wanted salsa or a dance sport but he refuses, he wants tennis but i hate racket sport... So finally after hours of search and discussion he proposed me judo. I first refuse it but because I see we were blocked I said ok let's try it...

    Finally, after 5 lessons, we both had fun going there. I had the feeling to improve and feel really good practicing. We were on the same club, same training but we had our partner for the "fight part" in the end of the lesson.

    Last week, my partner was away so just before the fight part my hubby look at me with a "challenging smile". He ask me to try it with him telling me "so?let's fight fatty". He tease me a bit telling me he'll show me who's my boss... I am 10cm taller and outweight him for xx kg but he is a military so sure let's do it!


    We hang each other kimono and turn around. I pull his sleeve, to the left, to the right, I straighten my leg out and fall on him to the ground. He struggle to escape but I pin him and count to 5 (we need to pin the opponent 5 sec to win). I can't stop that large smile on my face while his turn all red. I help him to get up and prepare for the 2nd round.

    Now he seems really focus. I still smile while he seems really serious. He try to crotch my leg but I counter him. I pull his kimono and fall on him again. On the ground I sit on his chest and block his arm. I bend it and stare at him whispering to his ear "give up babe your fatty got you!". He seems to refuse at first but by bending more he tap 3 times the ground making strange noises.

    I get up and prepare for the 3rd round but he walk and sit on a bank, waiting for the end of the lesson...

    He asked me to drive and I struggle to not have the bizarre silence that can sometimes happen. He just say nothing and i make a monologue about housework or whatever. Seems that he told me he doesnt want to go there anymore. I laugh a bit at first asking him if it's because I beat him but he answer me aggressivly that no, he just think it's suck.

    Seems that, I haven't talk to him about that anymore but he look different, like he worry about something or i don't know. He's so cold with me, never laugh and seems even a bit depress...

    I really didn't want to hurt him or whatever and now I don't know how can I fix that.

    Do you have an idea?
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    You need to sit him down and get him to talk about what's bothering him. The reason so many relationships falter is because there's no communication. He cannot expect to get better or feel better if he isn't telling you what's wrong. So sit him down, and ask him to tell you what's going on. Listen to what he says, and hopefully you can figure out how to overcome it.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Hello,

    thanks for your answer. I did try to sit and talk to him but it seems he's really unconfortable with that. He's directly aggressive with me and make all his effort to have another subject conversation
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Finally he said he is ok to not give up karate but with one condition, he wants "a rematch" vs me... I did refuse at first because i have the feeling it turn as a unecessary competition but because he insist I said ok.

    I don't know if it was a good choice and in your opinion would it be appropriate to "not go 100% versus him"?

    thanks
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    It sounds like he has issues with his masculinity, that somehow you hurting him made him less of a man.

    If he's being aggressive with you, that's a red flag and if I were you I would re-evaluate my relationship. Having a calm conversation about your feelings does not warrant direct aggression.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 2, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.