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    Okay, so me and my mum have had a on/off relationship for the last ten years, due to the way she acted when we were growing up (neglect, psychological abuse).

    Growing up there was her, me and my older sister, and then she met my stepdad nigel in 2004 and had my younger sister in 2007. Before my stepdad moved in, it was really only elements of neglect in respect of us having to wash/iron our own school uniforms, and fending for myself, cooking my evening meal, getting myself up and ready for school while she stayed in bed etc and then after my step dad moved in, things got worse and they started grounding me at every opportunity meaning the doors and windows were locked and I had no source of entertainment, for an undetermined amount of time. I was allowed out for meals and pee/shower breaks but then had to go back in.

    Then I moved in with my dad, and my sisters stayed with my mum. And that's when I began to not speak to her (and my sisters) due to the things that'd happened.

    So then fast forward 9 years, I'm still living with my dad, my eldest sister has her own flat that is within spitting distance of my mum (due to years of abuse she was brainwashed and very dependent on my mum, to the point where my mum has control of her money she's receiving for pip as she has aspergers).

    Then my dad dies, suddenly, unexpectedly, in front of me at home. At that point I was given the choice to move in with her or my sister. It was a no brainer. I moved in with my sister back in July and since, me and my mum have somewhat spoke about the past, to which she claims she had depression and doesn't remember a lot of what happened. She started to build bridges again and strengthen the once broken relationship. I was happy that we were developing an adult mother/daughter relationship, which wasn't always about her having control of me.

    My dads birthday is 5th of November (bonfire night) and it's his first birthday without him here to celebrate, so my mum suggests we have a little get together, with a few of my friends and basically everyone invited someone to go. It was originally planned for the 5th, then she asked if we minded it was the 4th with it being a Saturday and my little sister being in school, so we moved it to the 4th. Me, my sister and boyfriend bought fireworks for the party, as welll as most of the alcohol and food. My mum and stepdad provided the location and a few bits in respect of fireworks and food, but effectively it was us who was payrolling the party.

    My mum decides she wants the party to start 5pm (which seems too early for a party which will last until midnight), so we said ok, to which my best friend says she can't make it that early due to being in work, she'll get there as soon as which will be around 7. I inform my mum that we'd have to make sure some food was saved for her and that was the only provision I applied for my best friends arrival at the party. Then out the blue, my mum messages me, that she doesn't feel that she should wait til about 8 clock for fireworks and my best friend (when no time had been specified about fireworks) and I asked what she meant and then she starting flipping on me, cause I suggested that 6oclcok is too early for fireworks, and then I said I had no considerations for either of the two children at the party and that I had no respect for her or her house because I disagreed with her timings, despite my mum not knowing what time she finishes work, but realistically if you're having a party with a BBQ element and you want to start at 5, you wouldn't set off fireworks at 6, it'd be more like half 7/8, then you have a few more drinks and then night will be wrapping itself up at about 11. She basically just decided she didn't want my friend there and she told me to have the party somewhere else.

    So I go around to her house to pick up my fireworks we'd stored in her house and she starts screaming at me, and I'm just standing there telling her I didn't come around for a slanging match, with then my step dad came barrelling out the house SCREAMING at me, I was actually scared he was going to hit me, even my boyfriend who is so passive it annoys me, thought he was going to have to defend me. I hadn't done anything, except disagree with her.

    So I have removed them off my Facebook and blocked them from contacting me through my phone, but 1) I'm scared she's going to come back for round 2 and 2) I'm not sure how things will go from here, I can see into her back garden from my bedroom, that's how close they are. I've already decided I'm happy for the argument to go away, I just want as little to do with them as possible and when I move out I'll cut all ties. I don't need the toxicity in my life.

    Any advice how to deal with this once she starts attempting to speak to me again?
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    I can't give much advice as I have no experience or knowledge in this sort of situation but I would advise talking to someone about it, someone older and with more life experience. I hope your alright 💖
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    (Original post by Afraprawn)
    I can't give much advice as I have no experience or knowledge in this sort of situation but I would advise talking to someone about it, someone older and with more life experience. I hope your alright 💖

    Thankyou for reading all that, and thanks for your reply. I am okay, kind of used to her behaviour these days. I'm on a waiting list to see a counsellor because of my dad though so I will definitely raise this with them when I get to see them.
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    (Original post by Eggles182)
    Thankyou for reading all that, and thanks for your reply. I am okay, kind of used to her behaviour these days. I'm on a waiting list to see a counsellor because of my dad though so I will definitely raise this with them when I get to see them.
    Oh I'm glad your on a list for a counsellor: I would definately mention your relationship with her. Maybe move out of your old enough. 🌸
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    (Original post by Eggles182)
    Okay, so me and my mum have had a on/off relationship for the last ten years, due to the way she acted when we were growing up (neglect, psychological abuse).

    Growing up there was her, me and my older sister, and then she met my stepdad nigel in 2004 and had my younger sister in 2007. Before my stepdad moved in, it was really only elements of neglect in respect of us having to wash/iron our own school uniforms, and fending for myself, cooking my evening meal, getting myself up and ready for school while she stayed in bed etc and then after my step dad moved in, things got worse and they started grounding me at every opportunity meaning the doors and windows were locked and I had no source of entertainment, for an undetermined amount of time. I was allowed out for meals and pee/shower breaks but then had to go back in.

    Then I moved in with my dad, and my sisters stayed with my mum. And that's when I began to not speak to her (and my sisters) due to the things that'd happened.

    So then fast forward 9 years, I'm still living with my dad, my eldest sister has her own flat that is within spitting distance of my mum (due to years of abuse she was brainwashed and very dependent on my mum, to the point where my mum has control of her money she's receiving for pip as she has aspergers).

    Then my dad dies, suddenly, unexpectedly, in front of me at home. At that point I was given the choice to move in with her or my sister. It was a no brainer. I moved in with my sister back in July and since, me and my mum have somewhat spoke about the past, to which she claims she had depression and doesn't remember a lot of what happened. She started to build bridges again and strengthen the once broken relationship. I was happy that we were developing an adult mother/daughter relationship, which wasn't always about her having control of me.

    My dads birthday is 5th of November (bonfire night) and it's his first birthday without him here to celebrate, so my mum suggests we have a little get together, with a few of my friends and basically everyone invited someone to go. It was originally planned for the 5th, then she asked if we minded it was the 4th with it being a Saturday and my little sister being in school, so we moved it to the 4th. Me, my sister and boyfriend bought fireworks for the party, as welll as most of the alcohol and food. My mum and stepdad provided the location and a few bits in respect of fireworks and food, but effectively it was us who was payrolling the party.

    My mum decides she wants the party to start 5pm (which seems too early for a party which will last until midnight), so we said ok, to which my best friend says she can't make it that early due to being in work, she'll get there as soon as which will be around 7. I inform my mum that we'd have to make sure some food was saved for her and that was the only provision I applied for my best friends arrival at the party. Then out the blue, my mum messages me, that she doesn't feel that she should wait til about 8 clock for fireworks and my best friend (when no time had been specified about fireworks) and I asked what she meant and then she starting flipping on me, cause I suggested that 6oclcok is too early for fireworks, and then I said I had no considerations for either of the two children at the party and that I had no respect for her or her house because I disagreed with her timings, despite my mum not knowing what time she finishes work, but realistically if you're having a party with a BBQ element and you want to start at 5, you wouldn't set off fireworks at 6, it'd be more like half 7/8, then you have a few more drinks and then night will be wrapping itself up at about 11. She basically just decided she didn't want my friend there and she told me to have the party somewhere else.

    So I go around to her house to pick up my fireworks we'd stored in her house and she starts screaming at me, and I'm just standing there telling her I didn't come around for a slanging match, with then my step dad came barrelling out the house SCREAMING at me, I was actually scared he was going to hit me, even my boyfriend who is so passive it annoys me, thought he was going to have to defend me. I hadn't done anything, except disagree with her.

    So I have removed them off my Facebook and blocked them from contacting me through my phone, but 1) I'm scared she's going to come back for round 2 and 2) I'm not sure how things will go from here, I can see into her back garden from my bedroom, that's how close they are. I've already decided I'm happy for the argument to go away, I just want as little to do with them as possible and when I move out I'll cut all ties. I don't need the toxicity in my life.

    Any advice how to deal with this once she starts attempting to speak to me again?
    Awww bless you. It seems like you're having a really difficult time and am sorry to hear about your dad.
    I have no advise to give you as well but just like the other poster said, try to speak to someone in school. They probably have someone who's experienced with these things and they will help you.
 
 
 
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