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Oh dear! My fianceé doesn't know about my kid! Watch

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    31/10/17
    updt she walked out. said she needs time. I'm a wreck.

    10/11/17
    updt we're back together, i just want to thank everyone for your support.
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    How long have you been with your fiancé? Did you cheat on her?
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    Mr. Money Bags.

    -Sorry.
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    Oh dear Oh dear :sad:
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    (Original post by del1rious)
    How long have you been with your fiancé? Did you cheat on her?
    I've been with her a little over 11 months, and I would never think of cheating on her.
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    You have to be honest with your fiancé. I know that it will cause trouble for you now, but to hide it from her, get married and for her to find out years down the line would make things even worse.

    Mention to her how sorry you are, it was a mistake and how you only found out about the child a few days ago.

    I don't know if your relationship can survive - it may be that she will work on trying to forgive you and move on, or it might be that you will never see her again. You were foolish for cheating on her (?) and having unprotected sex, and that is something that you will have to deal with the consequences of. It doesn't seem like the easy option, but the only thing you have left is to be completely honest with her. If you love her, you have to tell the truth.
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    This does sound like a messy situation which won’t end well for any of you.
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    The longer you leave it the harder it'll become. Tell her what you've told us.
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    If there was no cheating involved then you need to tell her. You are supposed to be getting married which means no secrets, and your money is both of yours.

    It is unusual for a lump sum to be requested, it would be better to set up a regular maintenance payment
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    (Original post by cheesecakelove)
    You have to be honest with your fiancé. I know that it will cause trouble for you now, but to hide it from her, get married and for her to find out years down the line would make things even worse.

    Mention to her how sorry you are, it was a mistake and how you only found out about the child a few days ago.

    I don't know if your relationship can survive - it may be that she will work on trying to forgive you and move on, or it might be that you will never see her again. You were foolish for cheating on her (?) and having unprotected sex, and that is something that you will have to deal with the consequences of. It doesn't seem like the easy option, but the only thing you have left is to be completely honest with her. If you love her, you have to tell the truth.
    I didn't cheat, but the unprotected thing really caught up with me.
    I couldn't envision a life without her, I want to be honest but it would risk losing her forever.
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    If this is genuine - be straight and tell your fiancee. If you cheated for the ONS accept the consequences. Don't pay CS as a lump sum. Look at your budgeting again if it's costing three quarters of a million to relocate.

    If you're 26 with 2 kids and a wife-to-be are you sure getting advice from a student forum is really the best course of action?

    Good luck with everything.
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    (Original post by klw18)
    The longer you leave it the harder it'll become. Tell her what you've told us.
    I'm meeting with her parents and herself this Thursday, would it be best to let it all out then, or does that sound stupid. I'm so gutted.
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    (Original post by Duncan2012)
    If this is genuine - be straight and tell your fiancee. If you cheated for the ONS accept the consequences. Don't pay CS as a lump sum. Look at your budgeting again if it's costing three quarters of a million to relocate.

    If you're 26 with 2 kids and a wife-to-be are you sure getting advice from a student forum is really the best course of action?

    Good luck with everything.
    Budgeting isn't an issue,
    And you're right I'll split up the sum.
    I'm on this form, simply to get advice from strangers. I don't want to ask anyone I know for help, they're all really conservative and judgemental plus risk it getting leaked to everyone I know and care about.
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    (Original post by del1rious)
    If there was no cheating involved then you need to tell her. You are supposed to be getting married which means no secrets, and your money is both of yours.

    It is unusual for a lump sum to be requested, it would be better to set up a regular maintenance payment
    Should I let her know this Thursday? I've got dinner with her parents in the afternoon, or does it sound like a bad time.
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    (Original post by JamesGardiner96)
    I didn't cheat, but the unprotected thing really caught up with me.
    I couldn't envision a life without her, I want to be honest but it would risk losing her forever.
    You have to be honest if you respect her. If she found out later on after years of marriage, and that you kept this from her, this would make things even worse and you would definitely lose her forever.
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    (Original post by cheesecakelove)
    You have to be honest if you respect her. If she found out later on after years of marriage, and that you kept this from her, this would make things even worse and you would definitely lose her forever.
    What's the best way to let her know? My brain has become mush, I really am cognitively useless at the moment!
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    (Original post by JamesGardiner96)
    What's the best way to let her know? My brain has become mush, I really am cognitively useless at the moment!
    Face to face is best. Ask to visit her or for her to come visit your place. Sit her down, and tell her what you have mentioned in this post. You can't expect her to be forgiving and kind instantly. You may have to give her some time and space to deal with the news alone as she works out what she wants to do next.
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    You're getting married after being together for 11 months? Mate, you need to learn to keep you **** in your pants, whilst you're at it, slow down on this wedding stuff. Why the rush? That said, I have a feeling it's going to be on hold once you tell her. Can't believe you said you'd pay the money and wanted to see the child without even discussing it with her first. That's such a **** move that I'm kinda finding it hard to believe this is an actual legit thread.
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    (Original post by cheesecakelove)
    Face to face is best. Ask to visit her or for her to come visit your place. Sit her down, and tell her what you have mentioned in this post. You can't expect her to be forgiving and kind instantly. You may have to give her some time and space to deal with the news alone as she works out what she wants to do next.
    Thanks, I'll let her know today. I'm shaking.
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    (Original post by JamesGardiner96)
    About 13 months ago I had an unprotected one night stand - stupid, I know.
    The baby is now just under 4 months old, I found out Sunday night that the baby existed; the mother of the child requested a lump sum of £125,000 to look after the child, which I've agreed to pay - provided, I can see the child. She is genuine, that's all I know.

    Now, this is where it gets complicated I'm getting married to my fianceé in January, the wedding is costing a small fortune so overlapping it with the demands of the baby's mother is a bitter pill. Plus we're planning to move out to Canada which will cost a little over £730,000! I already told my fianceé that I have a 2-year-old from a previous long-term relationship - so I'm not sure how she'll react to the news of another child. I'm 26, with two kids apparently - one of which my wife-to-be has no idea exists, neither did I a couple days ago!

    I don't want to start a marriage on a backbone of lies, I could use some advice from some strangers, I'm terrified. I don't want that one-night-stand to ruin the life I've planned out for us, and end up costing me both emotionally and financially. Money isn't the main problem - it's my fianceé's reaction, how do I let her know without upsetting her.

    And I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to spice things up, I've just got anxiety so naturally, my head inflates most situations.
    You have to tell your fiance, but have a plan.

    Important to emphasise it was before you were in a relationship with her.

    I wouldnt hand over a lump sum unless there was a legal agreement as to what it covered etc.

    Get a DNA test.

    If you have that sort of money then you can readjust and delay things for a year or two or just adjust the amount you spend etc. Staggered payments should minimise the impact.

    As long as you involve your fiance, then id think you would be ok and much better she knows now before any wedding than after.

    Impressed youve managed two already.
 
 
 
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