The Student Room Group

Guys saying "I love you".

I was just reading the past relationships thread, and it struck me how many girls have said they got freaked out because their boyfriends have said "i love you" really early into the relationship.

I find this to be very true. I've had numerous people tell me that they love me in more than a friendship way, and to be honest, it is freaky, and it caused me to distance myself from them, which is a shame i guess. My current boyfriend said he loved me maybe a month into the relationship? But i love him back so i don't mind that.

Anyway girls, i was just wondering if you have found this too? And do you find that it takes you longer to say it back?
Guys, do you fall in love quickly or do you just say it so you can "get some" (sorry, don't mean to stereotype there, just personal experience!).

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Reply 1
I definitely get freaked out when a guy tells me that they love me, it almost has the opposite effect on me as rather than making me feel more secure, even if we've been going out for a long time. Maybe I jst haven't found the right guy yet...
Reply 2
Yeah I agree, usually when they say it early I have my doubts that they even like me that much!
It puts me off greatly. I start to distance from them and feel insecure around them.

My last boyfriend told me he loved me quite early into the relationship, it took me an extra 2 months I think before I said it back to him!
anna_lou
I definitely get freaked out when a guy tells me that they love me, it almost has the opposite effect on me as rather than making me feel more secure, even if we've been going out for a long time. Maybe I jst haven't found the right guy yet...

Same here, it makes me really uncomfortable. I rarely feel the same way, and it just puts pressure on me to say it back. Obviously I don't, 'cause I don't feel that way and it just goes downhill from there! I feel like running away! I'm not normal am I? :rolleyes:
I've never said it to "get some", though I think that does play a small part in it. I'd say I just find myself falling for people very quickly, I've found this to happen with the other person, so maybe its just the people I go for.

Anyway, I just find that I care for that person really quickly and my feelings seem to form for that person in short time periods. The "getting some" bit only really comes into it if I find them particularly attractive, then the lust and the caring for that person seem to combine.

Generally I don't think its ever a good route to go down, hopefully if I get a new relationship any time this year then I'll take things at a more relaxed pace.
My current boyfriend is the only guy I've been with to have told me he loves me. I was the one who said it first actually, I didn't mean to, I just kind of came out with it. And its strange because I said it and then it hit me what I'd said and I was like ahh, but then I realised I meant it. This was a few months into our relationship.
He said it back straight away, and said he'd been thinking about this for a little while but was too scared to say it, in case I didn't feel the same. Aww.
So in my experience, this isn't the case, and I think he'd have probably waited for however long it took me to say it.
In the past none of my ex's have said "I love you", and I never said it to them either so I don't have a great basis for comparison, but I certainly have friends who have been told "I love you" by a guy a matter of days into a relationship, and as the OP said sorry to stereotype, but they turned out just to be using them.
Reply 6
I've only ever been in love with one person, when it cam for the moment for both of us to say i love you we both felt comfortable. In past relationships it has made me feel uncomfortable but none of those relationships lasted very long.
Georgiahoneybee
I certainly have friends who have been told "I love you" by a guy a matter of days into a relationship, and as the OP said sorry to stereotype, but they turned out just to be using them.


My boyfriend and I said it to each other within a matter of days; now we've been together a year and a half, are living together and are still very much in love. I mentioned this on TSR a couple of months after we started dating and someone said "well, you obviously aren't in love and you'll break up soon enough" or some such, so :bootyshak to that cynic Anon1!
Reply 8
i kinda said it first... well through text anyway (although it was my cousins texting him as they stole my phone when i was babysitting) but looking back i felt it and he replied love u more, that was about 2 maybe 3 months into our relationship. he said it face to face first. i would say that he says it more often to me than i do to him. But i don't think you can generalise, im sure there are guys who girls have said i love you too and they've run a mile, i think it depends on the person.
Reply 9
I can't stand it when when guys say "I love you" and don't truely mean it...

don't say it if you don't mean it. It means it becomes worthless when you do actually fall in love.
Reply 10
Apparently (and blame bliss magazine for this), 76% (or some random number close to that) of boys say 'i love you' when they dont mean it.

and that's what really annoys me. because guys are really quick to say stuff like that. my ex-bf said 'i love you' a few months into the relationship and i refused to say it back because i never felt it. then after his constant repetition of 'i love you's i gave in n said it back. regretted it instantly. told him a week later that i didnt really. and well, he didnt take it very well.
'oh i didnt really love u either'. ppfff. then it was a yoyo of 'i love you' , 'oh i dont really', 'i love u', 'oh wait i dont', till i got bored n broke up with him.

much happier now :biggrin:

but yeah, it freaked me out.
and honeyblossom, dont worry, you're perfectly normal :smile:
Reply 11
My boyfriend said it to me before I said it to him.
Quite a while before actually.

It's good though, I was kinda weirded out at first, mostly due to nobody ever saying it to me other than my family, but I stuck with it and i'm glad, never been happier.
Reply 12
I dont get very emotional with anyone really, but when I do say "I love you" its because I have feelings.

You see, guys have to be very macho on the outside whereas sometimes all we want is to have someone arround who we dont need to show off to, to impress, and who we can talk about "mushy" issues with. Saying "I love you" is a way of achnowlaging that we are able to show emotion and are happy enough in ourselves and in you to say it. It dosnt mean that I properly love you yet, but it means if we stay together I will love you.
I love you. All of you.
Reply 14
burningnun
I love you. All of you.


Sorry, I think this relationship is moving too fast for me... What's your name? :p:
Reply 15
my ex said it before i did as well.
the first time was on new years eve when he was so drunk and was trying to tell me how he felt, altho he'd stopped the 'seeing' phase 3 months before. i took it that he was drunk and didn't mean it. but when he said it again it was when we went to london for the day and on the way back he sent me a text on the train, which was v.cute! funnily enough i had bought this mini card in camden that day saying 'i think i <3 you' so reciprocated by giving him that :smile:
not together now tho! :-/
I won't ever say I love you unless i really mean it, love is something that builds with a relationship. and yeah it takes a lot of courage to say if you mean it because it shows your really serious about the relationship and want to take it past the "seeing each other" stage.
I don't mind it when it's a passing 'oh i love you!' when you've done or said something. It's when they stop and look in your eyes and tell you that it freaks me out (bad experiences, much?). I had a bloke tell me after knowing me for two days and he got very angry that i wouldn't say it back, and that it was a very 'one sided relationship' *laughs* but no, i hate it when boys do. Mainly because I'm not very good at the emotional investment side of things, so when they suddenly come out with that it's like...oh, oops?
At one point I wrote love Sani without meaning it. How I regretted that so much :frown:
These words can have so much importance attached to it, it caused so much distress that I haven't said it ever again...

Which sucks. I don't know when to say it.
I'm ridiculously immature about it :redface:

I've only been told once, and it was a proper, "let's stop and sit down I have something to say" moment :eek: I was 15 and liked him, but I wasn't the greatest at commitment, and I laughed at him, and made out as if I thought he was joking :redface: He forgave me and we lasted another 2 months :tongue: