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How to get guys to approach me Watch

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    Hey everyone,

    Recently a guy broke my heart. I met him in the first week of uni, while out clubbing and everything seemed to be going really well until he told me a few weeks later that he wasn't looking for anything serious and doesn't want to see me anymore. I was devastated. I was stupid enough to actually imagine a future with him. I am naive like that. But to be fair, he was the first guy to actually be (kind of) interested in me. At least sexually. I lost my virginity to him. I don't regret it though, it was amazing nonetheless. And I'm nearly 21 after all.
    So now I just want a new start. I don't necessarily want a relationship. (Although I have to say that that is my ultimate goal. I am a very loyal person and I couldn't really deal with one night stands. I get attached to people very easily.)
    I just want to feel wanted again. As bad as that might sound.

    So when I go out.. What should I do so that guys approach me? I'm not perfect. But I really try not to be picky, I would honestly give everybody a chance. Seriously I'm grateful for anyone who would speak to me or dance with me.
    I generally smile a lot. But I am kind of shy and don't talk much. And I think I'm a really bad dancer. I am really musical, but I just don't really know how to dance in clubs or what to do with my hands/arms. If you have any advice regarding that, it would be greatly appreciated.

    I don't want to make the same mistake again and get too emotionally invested in something. So why do I always want something more? How do I stop myself from feeling that way? Other women do it all the time, my flatmate has been sleeping with 3 different guys in the last few weeks. I know that might not be something to be proud of, but I kind of admire her for being able to do that. I wouldn't.

    So I clearly can't go clubbing with my mind set on making out with guys. I tried to focus on having fun with my friends but still nobody seemed to approach me. I also didn't stay with my friends all the time, I went to get drinks on my own. Somebody could have easily talked to me there.

    Maybe I shouldn't expect so much. I am not a model. There are many prettier girls out there.

    I don't know..

    Sorry that was so much rambling. Maybe you can still answer some of my questions. I'm just a bit confused.


    Sophie
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    Point at them then wave them over.
    • #1
    #1

    What you wear will attract different people. I don’t mind whether girls wear normal clothes or revealing ones. I have the same issue, but I’m a guy and I’m 16. I’m thinking of asking a girl at my swimming club out because I like her. But because I see her so rarely I don’t have much time to get to know her per se before asking for her number or something.

    I also really love music and I sing and play piano and viola but I’ve never danced or been to a nightclub or a party. Ive never been out with more than one friend at a time. It’s not my thing, plus I’m really lonely.
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    You're most vulnerable when you make it clear you need guys to be interested in you - you could be attracting the wrong kind of people (those who use it up and wear it out, as I'd call it)
    • #2
    #2

    Honestly im having the same problem. Im not that pretty, in fact i have been called ugly a number of times, and all my friends have boyfriends and get with boys. I am not sure what to do, as i am very socially awkward and i catch feelings easily. :/
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    There should be an internal change within you before you think about how to attract someone, and certain changes you can make to yourself and your life, will make you attractive and desirable. Being attractive and desirable to others should not be your ultimate goal - and certainly not within the setting of a nightclub.

    It is better to search for the higher form of self-esteem through self-acceptance and finding what is really important to you in relation to your true self, and pursuing that, rather than lower forms of esteem such as being valued by somebody else/ measuring your ability to attract others.
    For instance, If dancing is something you enjoy, you should pursue that for your own satisfaction, the release it gives you etc - not to attract anyone towards you...

    I don't think measuring how many guys approach you in a nightclub and cross comparing your 'prettiness' with that of other girls is helpful. Almost every woman can be pretty and attractive, what distinguishes you is your ability to strive to be the best version of yourself, and value yourself.

    Being loyal is an excellent quality - but you shouldn't over give to others if it's not returned, because this will cause you hurt. Human interactions are great - but there should always be a balance of giving and receiving. If a guy isn't returning what you put out, it is a toxic and harmful relation and not worth pursuing. It is hard at first, but with time, you learn to reign yourself in and have more balanced interactions with others.
    Only then can you flourish. You must give love to yourself - you are just as worthy of it as others...
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    Thanks to everyone!
    I know that I need to learn how to accept myself before expecting others to. It's just really hard for me. I don't think I've ever been more unsure of who I actually am. Being at uni means being away from my friends and surely losing some of them. And I don't know if I have anyone at uni to call my friend yet. Of course I have my flatmates and some other people but it's just not the same. I've only known them for a few weeks.
    Actually I've been doubting myself a lot. Especially since that guy broke my heart. He didn't say it directly but I think one of the reasons was also that I am boring and shy and don't speak a lot. I just never know what to say.
    Maybe I'm just socially awkward. But I'm not even really sure if I am able to make friends anymore. I feel so useless.
    I don't want to be boring. I want to be the loud one, the one who always knows what to say, the one who can make everyone laugh. The thing is.. I'd have plenty of things to say but I end up deciding not to say them. Because I don't want to make a fool out of myself or bore the other person. I never want to give another person a reason to dislike me. Then I'd just prefer them to not know me / notice me.
    The thing is.. I don't know who I am anymore. I know who I want to be but I can't bring myself to be that person. I'll have to find something in between I guess.

    It's just hard to love myself when I've never really been told that I am worth it. Being with that guy made me love myself. At least for the short time it lasted. I felt like if he could care for me why shouldn't I? So I perceive this whole thing as a bit of a vicious cycle. I don't know. How do I even get to love myself? Make changes to my lifestyle? Tell myself everyday?

    I'm sorry, this has probably become a much more complex topic now. I'd still appreciate advice on the original question.
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    Do you play a sport? Or even a musical instrument? Just that extra hour of practice can make you feel good, especially since you don't have to talk to anyone in order to do so
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    Act confident and eye contact is key. Talk with your eyes, they will tell the whole story and if the other person isn't too shy or isn't too thick they'll get the hint and come over to you. If not, why not take the situation into your own hands and approach the person instead of waiting for them to come to you. You never know what might come of it. And what's the worst that can happen? They say no, you can just leave! Xx
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Do you play a sport? Or even a musical instrument? Just that extra hour of practice can make you feel good, especially since you don't have to talk to anyone in order to do so
    Yes I play piano. You're right, practicing always makes me feel better. I'll try to concentrate more on myself for now and the things I enjoy doing. Thank you!
    • #3
    #3

    I'm not sure what advice I can give but you have a great personality
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not sure what advice I can give but you have a great personality
    Thank you so much!!
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    Get your tits out.
    Works every time.
    • #1
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    (Original post by SelfHarmBoi)
    Get your tits out.
    Works every time.
    **** off mate
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    **** off mate
    ooh your'e hard.
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by SelfHarmBoi)
    ooh your'e hard.
    LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO

    ' your'e ' nah you are jokesss
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    I think relationships bring best and worst experiences - and probably more worsts. The frustration to find a partner, the euphoria at an exciting new relationship followed by the pain of rejection. All you can do is dust yourself down, take some learning for the future and get back in to the fray. Somehow it's worth it for the good bits and particularly when you find someone worthwhile for the long term.

    As to attracting guys, it's down to femininity in all its forms and being fun. I think only the very attractive set get it on a plate and even they suffer plenty of break up angst. Everyone else has to work hard for dating success. I favour pubs, friends of friends, voluntary organisations over clubbing for the same reasons you mention. Although you seem to have done ok clubbing and I don't think guys are so fussy over dancing technique. Perhaps get a few tips from your competent flat mate, there may be a few ideas that work for you. I struggle to recommend internet dating but perhaps it's better women and particularly if prepared to give guys a chance. Overall keep going and keep things in perspective and I think things will work out.
 
 
 
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