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Found out my friends gf cheated on him...

Okay so I'm in a bit of a dilemma. My best friend is dating a girl that has long been at odds with our group fo friends
As his best friend i have stuck by him and despite my dislike for hte girl i have tried... and i have even at points become friends with her. But the girl seems to always manage to do something which makes it impossible to respect her/ be friends with her. She has on multiple occasions started fights with his close friends (me and his other best friend who is a girl included)

On new years eve the girl again started a fight with me, hitting me etc and her best friend even ended up hitting me a few times. I have discussed it with others present and they have assured me i was not int eh wrong in this fight and i did not deserve the abuse.

However it is only today that the real problem has surfaced. In the inevitable discussions and long talks about loyalty and friendship that have come after the big fights.. i have uncovered an ugly piece of information that i would rather never happened
. I found out while discussing with his other best friend, the girl, his situation and how annoyed we are with his girlfriend and how we are sick of him defending her and taking her side, and that she is just not worth it.... that she cheated on him a few months into their relationship. Now this is bad enough, but couple with the fact that he never told me... despite knowing very soon after i am left more than a little angry.:mad: ... i am also very disgusted with her and have lost any shred of respect i had for the poor excuse for a human being.
On top of this she almost cheated on him again 3 weeks ago (this is about 6 months after she last cheated on him) however her friend stepped in an stopped her.

Now im left with the pieces. (he doesn't know i know about it and i assume he doesn't want me to know) I am angry with him for not telling me. I am ready to create hell for his g.f. Yet i am still unsure about whether i should bring it up, because he was a victim... she and him have to sort it out and i cannot force him to end things with her despite him having lack of any common sense regarding his judgment of this girl


thoughts and suggestions please:frown:

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oh... btw my title is a mistype.. its "Found out my friends gf cheated on him"
Reply 2
lol the title made me laugh. just tell him everything
the thing is, he knows about her cheating on him... he knew looonggg before me and never told me
Reply 4
Basically, it is none of your business and nothing good will come of your relationship if you interfere. It will only drive a wedge between you and your friend.

If he loves this girl, he does not want to know or make a choice between you (as a man friend) and his gf. Maybe you are just jealous of his gf and the time that he is spending with her instead of you. I know you might not like that idea, but it could be true and it could be the real reason that you feel the way you do.

If so, then you need to step back and allow him to have a relationship of his own without you in there somewhere. After all, eventually he will get married and then he will have other priorities in his life. When he finds out, he might ask you why you did not tell him, but unfortunately, damned if you do, and also damned if you dont, in these circumstances I am afraid.
Reply 5
honesty is always best. always. just because ppl don't like it doesn't mean its not best.
Reply 6
its none of your business pal. obviously he wants whatever goes on between him and his girlfriend to stay that way. no matter how much you try to create friction between them he will stay with her, that much is clear. and he is obviously willing to put up with her cheating if he forgave her before. if you really want to let him know then do so but dont be so angry with him for not telling you about her cheating; i'm sure he had his reasons and he was probably really chuffed that he had at least one friend backing his relationship which he so obviously desperately wants to work. you cant make his mistakes for him so just stick by him and when she screws him over yet again and hes taken enough from her, make sure you are there for him. love makes us do stupid things but we still deserve the support from our friends anyway.
Reply 7
Who gives a toss? It's not all about you.
This is true. I kinda don't see what the issue is. Sure I can see why you'd be a bit miffed that he didn't tell you but I honestly thought before reading all the thread she'd cheated and he didn't know.

I'm not quite sure what you want to do.
Reply 9
Stay out of it. Find new friends.
Reply 10
The more you try to talk him out of it the closer he will become to her, i know this from experience and he will soon start to resent you.

You are obviously worried about your friend which is good as you obviously dont want him to get hurt but its his relationship and he needs to learn from his mistakes.

Hope everything works out for you.
Reply 11
TBh if she's beating you up, I'd refuse to have anything to do with her. And you need to tell your mate that, and that you think he's a nob for going out with her when he knows she has cheated on him and beaten up his mates. Remind him he has a spine.
Reply 12
What Segat said.

Cheating on him and him not wanting you to know, it's his business, I can understand that.

Beating you up, no thanks!
Let them sort it out, i'd just back away from it all, she's not worth it. Your best friend will lose a lot of friends anyway.
okay well thank you all for your advice...

Couple of additions... she doesn't really beat me up considering i weigh like 60 lbs more than her and im almost a foot taller, she just slaps and scratches the face etc... stereo typical bitchy female behavior...

In terms of my relationship with this friend of mine, it might affect how u guys view my position on this. I have been friends with him for 6 years, they have close/ dating for about a year... His parents consider me as one of their children and my parents the same with him. Our older brothers are also best friends and are currently living together... Very difficult to swallow not being trusted with his kind of thing or being confided in considering the stuff we've been through.


Also, some background on the kid she cheated on him with: The kid was arrested a while back for assaulting me after i stepped while he was threatening to kick the %%%%%%%% out of the best friend who is the focus of this problem...He hit me multiple times, giving me a concussion and i ended up spending a night in the hospital. He is hardly an uncontroversial figure.


Also, im not just interested in how to handle my friend, i am not entirely sure if i should pretend to be her friend for him as he is expecting me to be friendly with her ( he thinks that we don't have that big of a problem, because he, nor she knows that i am aware of the cheating)

Or maybe should i confront her? or just ignore her? im curious what you think about that
You have a fine line to walk here. On the one hand, as a person, he deserves the ability to make his own decisions, on he is a close mate and close mates stay together regardless of what else goes on in life. Talk to him calmy and only discuss one or two points, such as what he failed to tell you and how it hurts. Use prudence and discretion to patiently help him through what is going on. If you feel it is serious, then talk to his older brother, as your families seem to be quite close.

Hope all goes well.
SolInvictus
You have a fine line to walk here. On the one hand, as a person, he deserves the ability to make his own decisions, on he is a close mate and close mates stay together regardless of what else goes on in life. Talk to him calmy and only discuss one or two points, such as what he failed to tell you and how it hurts. Use prudence and discretion to patiently help him through what is going on. If you feel it is serious, then talk to his older brother, as your families seem to be quite close.

Hope all goes well.



this seems sensible, although im very cautious about approaching his family, because his parents definitely do and i think his brother as well, do not approve of his gf. They are sickened by her most of the time and really resent the two of them together... I don't really want to give some fuel to the fire if hes also trying to conceal it from them, presumably for a similar reason he didn't tell me?
Ask him to tell you why it is that he feels the need to conceal this from you and others. Let him do the talking, and get to the root of the problem. You don't need to bring it up with the whole family, but a discrete vine conversation between your brother and his might to the trick.

If that fails, drag him out of his room and knock some sense into his head with a mallet.
haha, sounds good... thank you all... although im not totally sure what i want to do about all this, having a place to outlet my problem and actually sit and think about it has probably stopped me from overacting and helped me avoid the worst courses of action. :smile:
I wouldn't talk to his/your brother about it. He probably didn't tell you because of how close you are to the rest of his family, and if he had already decided to stay with her then he probably didn't want his family to dislike her (which they would have done if they found out she had cheated on him). This may also be the reason he didn't tell you, he probably didn't want to be critisized or judged for taking her back (which he may have thought you would do, especially if you don't like the girl and the guy she cheated with).
Just speak to him calmly on his own, let him know that you're hurt that he felt that he couldn't tell you, but you understand his reasons and you're there if he want to talk in future. let him know that you respect his decision, even though you don't agree with it. Then move on be nice to the girl and don't critisize her in front of your friend (do this for his sake not hers, as it must be horrible and awkward for him knowing that the people you care about most hate each other).
PM me if you want to talk, good luck xxx