So I suffer from anxiety, and I met this girl at uni. We instantly got on well, and had a connection - and people have told me that she seems really into me. I've been around to her house to watch films together. The walk back to mine was cold and it was late, so she gave me her jumper and I cuddled it when I went to sleep, and it was at that point I know that I really like her. She just makes me feel so happy when we hang out together, and I have this really strange warm/knotty feeling inside my chest when I'm around her. Being rejected and therefore losing that, makes me really reluctant to tell her how much I like her.
Nowadays I can't stop thinking about her. Neither of us have ever had sex/been in a physical relationship, so that adds to the anxiety of this situation. We're both approaching twenty; so I also feel after so long waiting, some real physical affection from someone like her woud make me really really happy.
But I'm really insecure, I had a panic attack the other day down the phone to her, because someone said she was upset with me, but that turned out to be untrue, as she was actually upset with someone else, and the person who told me had mis-heard the conversation through a door. But that panic attack and phone call makes me think I must seem really needy and I'm worried she may be put off me, and I worry if there's been a couple of days where we haven't spoken/texted that she doesn't like me. Our hugs are very long, so that's good I guess haha?
I know I'd be the happiest guy in the world if I went out with her. I think she's coming to watch films at my house next week and I really want to be the best version of me around her... not being so anxious. She also has anxiety so she understands, but I guess the real point of this post - is to ask if there's any tips out there for how to relax and not let anxiety get in the way of me and her?
How do I relax around my crush? Watch
- Thread Starter
There’s no way she’d reject you if you’ve been hanging around each other this much together - you’ve essentially already dated and are super good friends. Unless she’s going out with someone else or shows her interest in someone else then she’s almost certainly waiting for you to actually make a move.
The more you hang out with her, the less anxiety you will get. It’s not something you fix with a sudden change of mindset.
Make sure you communicate about your anxiety! Tell her how, when and what makes you feel insecure and compromise so you both feel better. I think being able to talk about your anxiety and helping one another would bring you closer together.
You should also talk about physical affection and sex, talking about what you feel comfortable with and respecting one another is important, then you'll avoid drama and anxiety in that area.
Also, have faith that if someone is upset with you that you can fix it. You can apologise (give a reason so you're on the same page, acknowledge and understand what you did wrong, and make a genuine effort to improve) and you can work to get to a better place. You're always going to disappoint the people you love, the same way they're going to disappoint you, the thing is that you love them because they'll make an effort to sort out whats gone wrong. Making someone upset isn't the end of anything.
If arguments do really trigger your anxiety, it's good to establish a set of rules for arguments so they're clean and less stressful. For example, you might agree on no yelling, no walking out, and no making generalisations (e.g "you always do this). You could also agree to take breaks to calm down if things get emotional or heated, respecting each other when you say you need a few minutes alone is a really good thing to do.
You should tell her how you feel, it sounds like she likes you too, and if she doesn't then being honest is better than hiding your feelings and hurting because of it. Good luck!