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    I really, really want to come out as transgender (ftm) to my parents and friends, but I can't. I'm too scared.

    I am only 13, but I know it isn't a phase.

    Someone in my year who is friends with my friend (I know him, but never really talk to him) is transgender (ftm). I know that my friend is fine with it. I'm pretty sure my other friends would be as well (don't have many but you know :P).

    My family isn't religious or anything. My parents work in a jobcenter, and have had training on LGBTQ issues etc. They know what being transgender is, to call people by their preferred name / pronouns etc. It isn't dangerous or anything to come out.

    I just can't. I'm too scared. Just now I was crying, because I can only be who I really am if I come out, but I'm too scared to. The main reason for me wanting to come out is so I can get my hair cut short (not like a pixie cut, but like a males haircut). I also want to get a binder, but they are really expensive. I desperately want hormone blockers (and testosterone and surgery in the future). I really DONT want to talk to some stranger miles and miles away from my house (as far as I am aware there is only one GIC for children and it is in Tavistock) who decides if I am 'trans enough' etc. I am a very shy person around strangers, or even around people I know (for example I pretty much never put my hand up in class because I am too scared). I never talk about how I feel to anyone, and I don't want to. I can barely go up and ask a teacher for help, let alone talking about my most personal feelings and problems to a stranger. Honestly, it is more than just being a bit shy in my opinion.


    Why do I have to do things that scare me out of my mind and talk to strangers about who I feel I am and how I feel etc JUST TO BE WHO I AM.


    Just... why..???


    Honestly recently was when I started feeling 'proper' dysphoria. I've never really experienced it before then. These past couple of nights whilst going to sleep I get tears in my eyes, thinking 'I can't grow up to be a woman'. Heck, I can barely say the word woman without me just feeling, well I don't know what I'm feeling, but one word to describe it would be 'no'. Every time I look in the mirror and see my boobs, my curves, I just feel wrong. I just hate them. I don't feel trapped in my body, but I know I cannot live as this sex for the rest of my life.

    It's different to looking in the mirror and thinking 'I'm fat'. I don't feel like that about being fat (I kinda am). I don't feel like it's wrong, I just feel that it is a bad thing, and I need to lose weight. Not that it is wrong, and I desperately want it to change. There is a reason to why people in general don't like being fat. It isn't that flattering etc of your body and it can be unhealthy.

    Being a girl isn't unhealthy. There is no reason for me to hate the sex that I am, and the physical traits that come with it. I just do. I look in the mirror and just feel wrong. Like I have to change my body to be male.

    I'm atheist, but sometimes think that I want to die, and be reborn as a male.
    I don't believe in this and wouldn't kill myself, but I kinda just want to start my life again. As a male. I know that isn't possible, but I want it to be.

    Thanks for reading my messed up rant!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really, really want to come out as transgender (ftm) to my parents and friends, but I can't. I'm too scared.

    I am only 13, but I know it isn't a phase.

    Someone in my year who is friends with my friend (I know him, but never really talk to him) is transgender (ftm). I know that my friend is fine with it. I'm pretty sure my other friends would be as well (don't have many but you know :P).

    My family isn't religious or anything. My parents work in a jobcenter, and have had training on LGBTQ issues etc. They know what being transgender is, to call people by their preferred name / pronouns etc. It isn't dangerous or anything to come out.

    I just can't. I'm too scared. Just now I was crying, because I can only be who I really am if I come out, but I'm too scared to. The main reason for me wanting to come out is so I can get my hair cut short (not like a pixie cut, but like a males haircut). I also want to get a binder, but they are really expensive. I desperately want hormone blockers (and testosterone and surgery in the future). I really DONT want to talk to some stranger miles and miles away from my house (as far as I am aware there is only one GIC for children and it is in Tavistock) who decides if I am 'trans enough' etc. I am a very shy person around strangers, or even around people I know (for example I pretty much never put my hand up in class because I am too scared). I never talk about how I feel to anyone, and I don't want to. I can barely go up and ask a teacher for help, let alone talking about my most personal feelings and problems to a stranger. Honestly, it is more than just being a bit shy in my opinion.


    Why do I have to do things that scare me out of my mind and talk to strangers about who I feel I am and how I feel etc JUST TO BE WHO I AM.


    Just... why..???


    Honestly recently was when I started feeling 'proper' dysphoria. I've never really experienced it before then. These past couple of nights whilst going to sleep I get tears in my eyes, thinking 'I can't grow up to be a woman'. Heck, I can barely say the word woman without me just feeling, well I don't know what I'm feeling, but one word to describe it would be 'no'. Every time I look in the mirror and see my boobs, my curves, I just feel wrong. I just hate them. I don't feel trapped in my body, but I know I cannot live as this sex for the rest of my life.

    It's different to looking in the mirror and thinking 'I'm fat'. I don't feel like that about being fat (I kinda am). I don't feel like it's wrong, I just feel that it is a bad thing, and I need to lose weight. Not that it is wrong, and I desperately want it to change. There is a reason to why people in general don't like being fat. It isn't that flattering etc of your body and it can be unhealthy.

    Being a girl isn't unhealthy. There is no reason for me to hate the sex that I am, and the physical traits that come with it. I just do. I look in the mirror and just feel wrong. Like I have to change my body to be male.

    I'm atheist, but sometimes think that I want to die, and be reborn as a male.
    I don't believe in this and wouldn't kill myself, but I kinda just want to start my life again. As a male. I know that isn't possible, but I want it to be.

    Thanks for reading my messed up rant!
    its really hard to take what ur saying seriously as ur only 13-you might think you know whats up but youre way to young to be thinking about a sex change-imo
    cut ur hair-see how u feel and ****. 5 more years of being unhappy before I think u should be thinking about surgery-think of the positives (wo)man
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really, really want to come out as transgender (ftm) to my parents and friends, but I can't. I'm too scared.

    I am only 13, but I know it isn't a phase.

    Someone in my year who is friends with my friend (I know him, but never really talk to him) is transgender (ftm). I know that my friend is fine with it. I'm pretty sure my other friends would be as well (don't have many but you know :P).

    My family isn't religious or anything. My parents work in a jobcenter, and have had training on LGBTQ issues etc. They know what being transgender is, to call people by their preferred name / pronouns etc. It isn't dangerous or anything to come out.

    I just can't. I'm too scared. Just now I was crying, because I can only be who I really am if I come out, but I'm too scared to. The main reason for me wanting to come out is so I can get my hair cut short (not like a pixie cut, but like a males haircut). I also want to get a binder, but they are really expensive. I desperately want hormone blockers (and testosterone and surgery in the future). I really DONT want to talk to some stranger miles and miles away from my house (as far as I am aware there is only one GIC for children and it is in Tavistock) who decides if I am 'trans enough' etc. I am a very shy person around strangers, or even around people I know (for example I pretty much never put my hand up in class because I am too scared). I never talk about how I feel to anyone, and I don't want to. I can barely go up and ask a teacher for help, let alone talking about my most personal feelings and problems to a stranger. Honestly, it is more than just being a bit shy in my opinion.


    Why do I have to do things that scare me out of my mind and talk to strangers about who I feel I am and how I feel etc JUST TO BE WHO I AM.


    Just... why..???


    Honestly recently was when I started feeling 'proper' dysphoria. I've never really experienced it before then. These past couple of nights whilst going to sleep I get tears in my eyes, thinking 'I can't grow up to be a woman'. Heck, I can barely say the word woman without me just feeling, well I don't know what I'm feeling, but one word to describe it would be 'no'. Every time I look in the mirror and see my boobs, my curves, I just feel wrong. I just hate them. I don't feel trapped in my body, but I know I cannot live as this sex for the rest of my life.

    It's different to looking in the mirror and thinking 'I'm fat'. I don't feel like that about being fat (I kinda am). I don't feel like it's wrong, I just feel that it is a bad thing, and I need to lose weight. Not that it is wrong, and I desperately want it to change. There is a reason to why people in general don't like being fat. It isn't that flattering etc of your body and it can be unhealthy.

    Being a girl isn't unhealthy. There is no reason for me to hate the sex that I am, and the physical traits that come with it. I just do. I look in the mirror and just feel wrong. Like I have to change my body to be male.

    I'm atheist, but sometimes think that I want to die, and be reborn as a male.
    I don't believe in this and wouldn't kill myself, but I kinda just want to start my life again. As a male. I know that isn't possible, but I want it to be.

    Thanks for reading my messed up rant!
    Can't really say much about it but just remember that people generally don't care as much as you think.
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    Wow, talk to people online if you can and grow your confidence, eventually you will come out as a transgender and just asses the worst and the best possible scenario and from that act around it, plan it out if it helps, but most of all I think you should turn to God and tell him about your problems.
    Hope this helps
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    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by angrypoliceman)
    its really hard to take what ur saying seriously as ur only 13-you might think you know whats up but youre way to young to be thinking about a sex change-imo
    cut ur hair-see how u feel and ****. 5 more years of being unhappy before I think u should be thinking about surgery-think of the positives (wo)man
    Oh yeah, I know I'm too young for all that.
    The only thing I might be able to get is hormone blockers. They would stop periods etc and don't leave any permanent changes to my body.

    Testosterone etc does. You have to be over 16 (not sure if it is 16 17 or 18) to get any of that anyways.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by angrypoliceman)
    its really hard to take what ur saying seriously as ur only 13-you might think you know whats up but youre way to young to be thinking about a sex change-imo
    cut ur hair-see how u feel and ****. 5 more years of being unhappy before I think u should be thinking about surgery-think of the positives (wo)man
    Just saying that in the future, right now I want to.
    I don't see myself changing my mind, but I might.

    I mean when I think about myself when I'm older, I see myself as being male.

    That was a post saying how I feel right now. I could change my mind but I doubt it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just saying that in the future, right now I want to.
    I don't see myself changing my mind, but I might.

    I mean when I think about myself when I'm older, I see myself as being male.

    That was a post saying how I feel right now. I could change my mind but I doubt it.
    again mate, ur just sounding like a clueless 13yr old to me-its just how I see it, bluntly ofc
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    (Original post by angrypoliceman)
    again mate, ur just sounding like a clueless 13yr old to me-its just how I see it, bluntly ofc
    Ok.

    I'm not clueless. I have done SO much research into this. I have looked at so many peoples experiences. I don't know everything (obviously). I know a lot.

    I just am not good at writing how I feel etc. Sounds pretty childish, I know. I just never do it.

    But thanks for your input I guess
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Oh yeah, I know I'm too young for all that.
    The only thing I might be able to get is hormone blockers. They would stop periods etc and don't leave any permanent changes to my body.

    Testosterone etc does. You have to be over 16 (not sure if it is 16 17 or 18) to get any of that anyways.
    You won't get any hormone blockers on the NHS without first going through extensive therapy lasting years.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Glassapple)
    You won't get any hormone blockers on the NHS without first going through extensive therapy lasting years.
    I know.


    That is why I said might.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Honestly recently was when I started feeling 'proper' dysphoria. I've never really experienced it before then. These past couple of nights whilst going to sleep I get tears in my eyes, thinking 'I can't grow up to be a woman'. Heck, I can barely say the word woman without me just feeling, well I don't know what I'm feeling, but one word to describe it would be 'no'. Every time I look in the mirror and see my boobs, my curves, I just feel wrong. I just hate them. I don't feel trapped in my body, but I know I cannot live as this sex for the rest of my life.

    It's different to looking in the mirror and thinking 'I'm fat'. I don't feel like that about being fat (I kinda am). I don't feel like it's wrong, I just feel that it is a bad thing, and I need to lose weight. Not that it is wrong, and I desperately want it to change. There is a reason to why people in general don't like being fat. It isn't that flattering etc of your body and it can be unhealthy.

    Being a girl isn't unhealthy. There is no reason for me to hate the sex that I am, and the physical traits that come with it. I just do. I look in the mirror and just feel wrong. Like I have to change my body to be male.
    This is how I felt when I was a teenager. Exactly how I felt. As soon as I started growing boobs I hid them by wearing baggy tshirts and baggy trousers to hide my hips. I still hate my body. Like you I'm overweight and I look in the mirror and think like you've described. I see my weight and feel it's bad. But I see my boobs and think they're wrong. I'm in my 20's and still don't feel right as a woman, I hate getting called "Miss" and "she", every time I hear people say that it grates on me and makes me feel uncomfortable. I see male bodies, even overweight male bodies, and think how that's what I should be like, not this. A flat chest looks so much better; it looks correct. I've tried binding in the past and when I looked in the mirror I saw my reflection with a shirt on I thought I looked incredible. That's how I am meant to look. But it will never be. I don't have the courage to come out as transgender. Tbh I'm not even sure I am. I hate my female body and wish it was a male one - but I'm aware I am a female, I just wish I wasn't.

    I'm sorry, I don't have any advice really, I wanted you to know that you're not alone with these feelings. People will tell you that you'll grow out of this and it's a phase but I think you know yourself. I never grew out of it, but I came to accept that there are things I can't change.
 
 
 
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