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Brothers mental health problems making my own worse as he begs for cash. Watch

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    To be clearer a few things, his fiance was murdered 10 years ago and social worker who was of a certain religion and told my brother he was scum as he wasn't married this his child was born out of sin took his 1 year old child off him and made up abuse allegations (at first saying he murdered his fiance, then when he was cleared claimed the child wasn't his, and other nonsense)

    He went from life of the party, such as he did a college course just before his fiance died and every female on the course fancied him, not his own words they themselves admitted it, and his previous jobs included door to door sales, holiday rep, and he dated a few models in past.

    Sorry for backstory but it leads up to after his fiances death he became distant, lost hair, gained weight (though lost it again) and has been single 10 years, all his friends deserted him due to the allegations but hes 40 in a few months and the last 1-2 years have been a nightmare for me, who myself is autistic and has mental health problems.

    He gets basic income and I get DLA and ESA due to my disabilities, what happened was he got lonely and started speaking to "foreign women" abroad as in skyping women that even I would say look "ugly" and 10 years older than him, who keep having a "crisis" that means they say they need money, it means in 2 years I have sent him 3 grand for these 2 women, that and a few times he has gone to loan sharks so a £20 payment becomes £100 in 24 hours.

    Every time I start feeling better I get a call from him stating he has gone to a loan shark or the women are desperate for money which means despite me living off reduced food costing pence and don't drink, smoke, vape, have a bus pass for disability despite trains taking a third of time spends all the money I have scrimped and saved to him or should I say direct to the loan shark or women which means I have a log of western union transactions on my account so I freak out over that.

    Each time he tells me it will never happen again, but each time I pay the amounts get higher and more common, 6 months ago I sent one of the women £50 at his request but he said he wanted it for the other one so I sent another £50 and was promised a refund but the other women suddenly said "oh I had a last minute emergency so can't pay it back"

    And yes they are real women as he skype chats them but definate scammers but brother won't listen.

    Its a miserable day today, and feel bad as usual then got a message stating he needs £50 sent to one of the women, this is the day after I checked my account and realised my savings account went from £1500 at start of year to £30 as of now! And still no sign of payments he promises to get, I keep telling him for one he shouldn't promise money to them, but also he shouldn't promise my money as now I have zero savings and to top it off got a letter from DWP stating im getting reassessed the week before Christmas! (great Christmas present) so its likely my income will drop.

    So part if this is a vent, but wanted opinions from people.
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    Just tell him no and refuse to give him the money. It seems like he needs a rude wake-up call. You need to put your foot down. It'll seem mean, but you can't keep doing this to yourself.
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    You have to give him some tough love. Tell him under no circumstances will you give him any money again whether it's for loan sharks, debts or ANYTHING. And then follow through. He will keep doing this as long as you keep allowing him to do it. And the money will never come back, these women are only using you both. He might have some crappy times to come if he keeps borrowing money but ultimately he will never learn or change unless he's forced to.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To be clearer a few things, his fiance was murdered 10 years ago and social worker who was of a certain religion and told my brother he was scum as he wasn't married this his child was born out of sin took his 1 year old child off him and made up abuse allegations (at first saying he murdered his fiance, then when he was cleared claimed the child wasn't his, and other nonsense)

    He went from life of the party, such as he did a college course just before his fiance died and every female on the course fancied him, not his own words they themselves admitted it, and his previous jobs included door to door sales, holiday rep, and he dated a few models in past.

    Sorry for backstory but it leads up to after his fiances death he became distant, lost hair, gained weight (though lost it again) and has been single 10 years, all his friends deserted him due to the allegations but hes 40 in a few months and the last 1-2 years have been a nightmare for me, who myself is autistic and has mental health problems.

    He gets basic income and I get DLA and ESA due to my disabilities, what happened was he got lonely and started speaking to "foreign women" abroad as in skyping women that even I would say look "ugly" and 10 years older than him, who keep having a "crisis" that means they say they need money, it means in 2 years I have sent him 3 grand for these 2 women, that and a few times he has gone to loan sharks so a £20 payment becomes £100 in 24 hours.

    Every time I start feeling better I get a call from him stating he has gone to a loan shark or the women are desperate for money which means despite me living off reduced food costing pence and don't drink, smoke, vape, have a bus pass for disability despite trains taking a third of time spends all the money I have scrimped and saved to him or should I say direct to the loan shark or women which means I have a log of western union transactions on my account so I freak out over that.

    Each time he tells me it will never happen again, but each time I pay the amounts get higher and more common, 6 months ago I sent one of the women £50 at his request but he said he wanted it for the other one so I sent another £50 and was promised a refund but the other women suddenly said "oh I had a last minute emergency so can't pay it back"

    And yes they are real women as he skype chats them but definate scammers but brother won't listen.

    Its a miserable day today, and feel bad as usual then got a message stating he needs £50 sent to one of the women, this is the day after I checked my account and realised my savings account went from £1500 at start of year to £30 as of now! And still no sign of payments he promises to get, I keep telling him for one he shouldn't promise money to them, but also he shouldn't promise my money as now I have zero savings and to top it off got a letter from DWP stating im getting reassessed the week before Christmas! (great Christmas present) so its likely my income will drop.

    So part if this is a vent, but wanted opinions from people.
    Do not give him money, I repeat again, do NOT give any money! It's your money, not his. If he wants to give money tell him to give it from his own account. If he hasn't got money well then tough luck. It's life. He can't just keep getting money off you for these women. I've witnessed a similar situation and honestly most of these foreign people are gold diggers. If you need to make a new account and transfer all your money there so he doesn't have access to your money at all. If he doesn't believe that these two women are scammers then let him learn the harder way. When he is in debt and practically got nothing left he'll realise. But PLEASE, do NOT help him. Let him learn it the harder way. He chose to do this, not you. He shouldn't be taking advantage of you. This is morally wrong. You have to say NO. You are your own person. It's your life, your money, your decision. Not his. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
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