I just want to get this off my chest..
I started uni this september, moved away from home.
I came expecting to make lifelong friends but I haven't made a single friend I could call a friend. Sure I have a lot of acquintances through societies and lectures but no one seems to want to follow up and everyon seems like they already have well established group of friends.
Now I wouldn't mind this if I hadn't built up uni to be this magical place that I had been looking forward to since when I was like 13. I didn't have any friends in school either, I only have one really good friend back home, but I feel she just sticks because she feels sorry for me. Anyway, all the forums online would advice "wait till uni, you'll meet friends with similiar interest" ...didn't happen and in all honesty, I am disappointed. Uni is **** if you don't want to party and drink 24/7
The situation at home isn't good either. I always somehow end up messing up and fightng with my parents. Part of the reason is they are very over proctetive but I still hate myself. Last weekend I went home and basically fought the whole time and my parents hate me, I feel like such a failure and disappointment.
Now the past two weeks, I am going into a very bad downwards spiral. I am feeling so alone, and no matter how hard I try I can't get my mind out of this thinking. I am not eating well, and I have lost motivation to even work for a subject I love thoroughly. I literally just stay in my room most of the day and since I can't do anything I lie in bed and fall asleep forhours at a time. I am crying more than twice a day and even though I know it won't help I don't know what to do. I want to apologise to my parents but I don't even know how to do that- the phone calls are so forced and are only a minute long at the most, mainly just to say I am not dead.
Sometimes I want to call them and tell them something good that happened but I feel like I cant even do that.
lYou know when something good happens and you call up everyone to tell about it- I got good marks in a test and I wanted to tell them about it but instead I just cried about the fact how bad my relationship has become with them.
I have distanced myself from my family to the point it is hard to even hold a conversation on the phone and I miss them... but i feel like such a dissapointment that even apologising is impossible. They hate me too, I eavesdroped and heard. I want to make them proud but instead I am continuously doing the opposite.
I just feel so down and depressed right now, I am not sure why I made this thread but I guess thanks for reading all this.
TLDR; moved for uni; didnt have friends in school and didnt make any at uni either; fighting with my parents;I am a depressed mess.