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My parents hate me and I have made no friend at uni/have no friends, alone Watch

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I just want to get this off my chest..

    I started uni this september, moved away from home.
    I came expecting to make lifelong friends but I haven't made a single friend I could call a friend. Sure I have a lot of acquintances through societies and lectures but no one seems to want to follow up and everyon seems like they already have well established group of friends.
    Now I wouldn't mind this if I hadn't built up uni to be this magical place that I had been looking forward to since when I was like 13. I didn't have any friends in school either, I only have one really good friend back home, but I feel she just sticks because she feels sorry for me. Anyway, all the forums online would advice "wait till uni, you'll meet friends with similiar interest" ...didn't happen and in all honesty, I am disappointed. Uni is **** if you don't want to party and drink 24/7

    The situation at home isn't good either. I always somehow end up messing up and fightng with my parents. Part of the reason is they are very over proctetive but I still hate myself. Last weekend I went home and basically fought the whole time and my parents hate me, I feel like such a failure and disappointment.

    Now the past two weeks, I am going into a very bad downwards spiral. I am feeling so alone, and no matter how hard I try I can't get my mind out of this thinking. I am not eating well, and I have lost motivation to even work for a subject I love thoroughly. I literally just stay in my room most of the day and since I can't do anything I lie in bed and fall asleep forhours at a time. I am crying more than twice a day and even though I know it won't help I don't know what to do. I want to apologise to my parents but I don't even know how to do that- the phone calls are so forced and are only a minute long at the most, mainly just to say I am not dead.
    Sometimes I want to call them and tell them something good that happened but I feel like I cant even do that.
    lYou know when something good happens and you call up everyone to tell about it- I got good marks in a test and I wanted to tell them about it but instead I just cried about the fact how bad my relationship has become with them.
    I have distanced myself from my family to the point it is hard to even hold a conversation on the phone and I miss them... but i feel like such a dissapointment that even apologising is impossible. They hate me too, I eavesdroped and heard. I want to make them proud but instead I am continuously doing the opposite.

    I just feel so down and depressed right now, I am not sure why I made this thread but I guess thanks for reading all this.

    TLDR; moved for uni; didnt have friends in school and didnt make any at uni either; fighting with my parents;I am a depressed mess.
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    What are your interests and what societies do you attend?
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    You sound very depressed. See a mental health professional asap. Your university health center should be able to connect you with one.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Uni is **** if you don't want to party and drink 24/7
    Oh yes, my uni is full of drunkards and wild students

    I don't have much friends at uni too, and my home situation isn't the best

    I am sorry that it has been so tough for you

    There really is no easy way out of a situation like this. I wish you could just wave your wand in a swoosh and voila - but life doesn't work that way. Life is always unfair. It will take you some effort and motivation to change your life around, but it is possible. It will be challenging, but I promise you, your life would change for the better.
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    First you have to take care of yourself - eat properly and get plenty of rest.

    University isn't all partying. I am not a big drinker and it is possible to meet students who feel the same. You do need to be confident and friendly to others. Is there a reason acquaintances don't turn into friends - have you asked them if they want to hang out, or do you not engage in good conversation with them?

    I am sorry to hear your issues with your parents. Sometimes parents can be harsh but they don't hate you. What reasons where there for arguing with your parents?

    Do you have any interests that you like to explore? University is the best place to try them - looking at clubs or societies, or looking externally for volunteering placements. Try to put yourself out there and attend more things, you will have a better chance of meeting people and it distracts you from the sadness you are feeling.
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    I've found sports and military societies to be the most 'family like' in that you spend ALOT of time together and you always have each others backs. You also go away together quite a lot, which helps build bonds hugely since you are forced to live together. Find a sport you like and get involved or apply to the URNU or the U.OTC.
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    See a mental health professional.

    I'm broadly in the same position but I frankly don't care about it. That's also an option. Uni as a friendship tool is overrated, especially if you're not a three-times-a-week clubber.

    Although I live with my parents so that is expected, don't really talk to anyone in my course but still keep in touch with pre-uni friends, so not exactly in the same dire situation. It all boils down to how affected you are by it and the type of person you are, I guess.

    Try finding a more 'fun' society as this is where people tend to get a bit more friends. Do you have some sort of anxiety or something?
    • #2
    #2

    I've been where you are and I've come out the other side.

    My advice:

    Sit down now with piece of paper and write yourself a simple list for tomorrow, include:

    - wake up before 10am
    - wash
    - dress
    - eat breakfast
    - walk outside even if it's to a local shop and back
    - speak to another human being even it's it's simply saying 'hi' to a cashier in a shop

    Then once you've done the above, sit down again with another piece of paper and find the number of your GP or you university counselling service. Call them at the soonest opportunity, write down your appointment time and place it somewhere visible to you.

    Before you can fix your relationship with your parents, make new friends, or enjoy your course - you have to get yourself sorted because unless you are functioning healthily you cannot make any kind of improvements. So first and foremost - look after yourself.

    You can deal with all of those other worries that are on your mind in due course. Write each one down and keep the list somewhere out of sight for now. Go back to it once you're eating, sleeping and functioning better and approach each concern one by one.

    You cannot solve all of your problems at once, and you cannot do it alone. Get help and once you are feeling better, check off the things on your list.
    Structure is a very big component in getting your life on track, employ it where ever you can because it will hand you back the sense of control which you are lacking right now. But it starts with very simple and small things like having 3 set meals a deal and having a cut of point at night etc.

    You will get through this, you just need to start with the basics first - everything else will come along if you do that.
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    I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so low and you hate yourself right now. That's not a good feeling. What do you think it is that you feel is making you hate yourself? It could be a question of toxic guilt - feeling guilty for something you haven't really done, happens a lot to people with depression.

    It does sound like you are going through an intense period of depression, but things do eventually get better after that (lived to tell the tale).

    The way I see it you have two options

    1) Stay on at uni and stick it out trying to study with a mental health problem that needs addressing. See university counsellors, gp and get support from teachers in your faculty. (By the way, when I was in your position, I felt that I had to stick it out and not give up, despite being severely depressed at start of university, so I stuck it out for ages, suffering, but the problems persisted and I later dropped out.)

    2) Go home and seek out all the necessary help you need to get back on track, with the support of your parents. Communicate just how low you feel to your parents. Try to refrain from fighting with them and instead tell them just how bad things are for you at the moment. It frequently doesn't feel like parents get it at all, but you need to make the effort to explain to them what's going on. Seek help from your GP who will recommend you mental health therapists. This should help a little.

    By the way, things do have a habit of working themselves eventually, though it doesn't seem it at the time. Good luck and keep posting on here where there's people that care
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been where you are and I've come out the other side.

    My advice:

    Sit down now with piece of paper and write yourself a simple list for tomorrow, include:

    - wake up before 10am
    - wash
    - dress
    - eat breakfast
    - walk outside even if it's to a local shop and back
    - speak to another human being even it's it's simply saying 'hi' to a cashier in a shop

    Then once you've done the above, sit down again with another piece of paper and find the number of your GP or you university counselling service. Call them at the soonest opportunity, write down your appointment time and place it somewhere visible to you.

    Before you can fix your relationship with your parents, make new friends, or enjoy your course - you have to get yourself sorted because unless you are functioning healthily you cannot make any kind of improvements. So first and foremost - look after yourself.

    You can deal with all of those other worries that are on your mind in due course. Write each one down and keep the list somewhere out of sight for now. Go back to it once you're eating, sleeping and functioning better and approach each concern one by one.

    You cannot solve all of your problems at once, and you cannot do it alone. Get help and once you are feeling better, check off the things on your list.
    Structure is a very big component in getting your life on track, employ it where ever you can because it will hand you back the sense of control which you are lacking right now. But it starts with very simple and small things like having 3 set meals a deal and having a cut of point at night etc.

    You will get through this, you just need to start with the basics first - everything else will come along if you do that.
    this is good advice.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Thanks everyone for replying and advice. Nice to see good people exist and gave up time to help some idiot like me.
    I have replied individually below;



    (Original post by saltyclimber)
    What are your interests and what societies do you attend?
    I have tried at least 8 societies ranging from subject related to art to sports.

    (Original post by Ade Boye)
    You sound very depressed. See a mental health professional asap. Your university health center should be able to connect you with one.
    Thanks, I probable should I guess but I don't really want to.

    (Original post by 408655)
    Oh yes, my uni is full of drunkards and wild students

    I don't have much friends at uni too, and my home situation isn't the best

    I am sorry that it has been so tough for you

    There really is no easy way out of a situation like this. I wish you could just wave your wand in a swoosh and voila - but life doesn't work that way. Life is always unfair. It will take you some effort and motivation to change your life around, but it is possible. It will be challenging, but I promise you, your life would change for the better.
    Thank you for replying, good to know there's others like me. I am not completely alone.
    (Original post by cheesecakelove)
    First you have to take care of yourself - eat properly and get plenty of rest.

    University isn't all partying. I am not a big drinker and it is possible to meet students who feel the same. You do need to be confident and friendly to others. Is there a reason acquaintances don't turn into friends - have you asked them if they want to hang out, or do you not engage in good conversation with them?

    I am sorry to hear your issues with your parents. Sometimes parents can be harsh but they don't hate you. What reasons where there for arguing with your parents?

    Do you have any interests that you like to explore? University is the best place to try them - looking at clubs or societies, or looking externally for volunteering placements. Try to put yourself out there and attend more things, you will have a better chance of meeting people and it distracts you from the sadness you are feeling.
    How do I meet these people? I can't even just go up and start introducing myself like we did for the first 3 weeks. Even that I did with loads of people, even met people who don't drink but never clicked.
    Even moreso, I went to a clubbing night one time with two of the acquinatances to put myself out of my comfort zone. Turns out it's hard to be loud and crazy without drinking.

    That's the thing, I have gone to so many events already and I meet people, don't get me wrong, it's just that that's the end and I don't see them again. I feel desperate inviting them when they have their own circle of friends.

    (Original post by saltyclimber)
    I've found sports and military societies to be the most 'family like' in that you spend ALOT of time together and you always have each others backs. You also go away together quite a lot, which helps build bonds hugely since you are forced to live together. Find a sport you like and get involved or apply to the URNU or the U.OTC.
    I have joined a sports club and went. But its mostly 2/3/4 years there.

    (Original post by Bart12345)
    See a mental health professional.

    I'm broadly in the same position but I frankly don't care about it. That's also an option. Uni as a friendship tool is overrated, especially if you're not a three-times-a-week clubber.

    Although I live with my parents so that is expected, don't really talk to anyone in my course but still keep in touch with pre-uni friends, so not exactly in the same dire situation. It all boils down to how affected you are by it and the type of person you are, I guess.

    Try finding a more 'fun' society as this is where people tend to get a bit more friends. Do you have some sort of anxiety or something?
    I should but I don't want to...

    I don't care most days but its kinda hard seeing everyone having such an amazing time while you cry out in your room on a friday night. I have just given up trying.
    Well, not diagnosed, but I probably do.



    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been where you are and I've come out the other side.

    My advice:

    Sit down now with piece of paper and write yourself a simple list for tomorrow, include:

    - wake up before 10am
    - wash
    - dress
    - eat breakfast
    - walk outside even if it's to a local shop and back
    - speak to another human being even it's it's simply saying 'hi' to a cashier in a shop

    Then once you've done the above, sit down again with another piece of paper and find the number of your GP or you university counselling service. Call them at the soonest opportunity, write down your appointment time and place it somewhere visible to you.

    Before you can fix your relationship with your parents, make new friends, or enjoy your course - you have to get yourself sorted because unless you are functioning healthily you cannot make any kind of improvements. So first and foremost - look after yourself.

    You can deal with all of those other worries that are on your mind in due course. Write each one down and keep the list somewhere out of sight for now. Go back to it once you're eating, sleeping and functioning better and approach each concern one by one.

    You cannot solve all of your problems at once, and you cannot do it alone. Get help and once you are feeling better, check off the things on your list.
    Structure is a very big component in getting your life on track, employ it where ever you can because it will hand you back the sense of control which you are lacking right now. But it starts with very simple and small things like having 3 set meals a deal and having a cut of point at night etc.

    You will get through this, you just need to start with the basics first - everything else will come along if you do that.
    Hi, thank you so much for this advice. It sounds really good and I will give it a try.
    Good to also know that it worked for you, hope it does for me too.

    (Original post by banoffeee)
    I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so low and you hate yourself right now. That's not a good feeling. What do you think it is that you feel is making you hate yourself? It could be a question of toxic guilt - feeling guilty for something you haven't really done, happens a lot to people with depression.

    It does sound like you are going through an intense period of depression, but things do eventually get better after that (lived to tell the tale).

    The way I see it you have two options

    1) Stay on at uni and stick it out trying to study with a mental health problem that needs addressing. See university counsellors, gp and get support from teachers in your faculty. (By the way, when I was in your position, I felt that I had to stick it out and not give up, despite being severely depressed at start of university, so I stuck it out for ages, suffering, but the problems persisted and I later dropped out.)

    2) Go home and seek out all the necessary help you need to get back on track, with the support of your parents. Communicate just how low you feel to your parents. Try to refrain from fighting with them and instead tell them just how bad things are for you at the moment. It frequently doesn't feel like parents get it at all, but you need to make the effort to explain to them what's going on. Seek help from your GP who will recommend you mental health therapists. This should help a little.

    By the way, things do have a habit of working themselves eventually, though it doesn't seem it at the time. Good luck and keep posting on here where there's people that care
    Thanks for this, I don't want to drop out because I like the course, the place, the uni. Its just the people that are missing.
    I'll give it time, its only been 2 months. Before the parents situation I didn't mind and I would study, do work on time. But now I can't even motivate myself to get out of bed.
    Thanks though.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've been where you are and I've come out the other side.

    My advice:

    Sit down now with piece of paper and write yourself a simple list for tomorrow, include:

    - wake up before 10am
    - wash
    - dress
    - eat breakfast
    - walk outside even if it's to a local shop and back
    - speak to another human being even it's it's simply saying 'hi' to a cashier in a shop

    Then once you've done the above, sit down again with another piece of paper and find the number of your GP or you university counselling service. Call them at the soonest opportunity, write down your appointment time and place it somewhere visible to you.

    Before you can fix your relationship with your parents, make new friends, or enjoy your course - you have to get yourself sorted because unless you are functioning healthily you cannot make any kind of improvements. So first and foremost - look after yourself.

    You can deal with all of those other worries that are on your mind in due course. Write each one down and keep the list somewhere out of sight for now. Go back to it once you're eating, sleeping and functioning better and approach each concern one by one.

    You cannot solve all of your problems at once, and you cannot do it alone. Get help and once you are feeling better, check off the things on your list.
    Structure is a very big component in getting your life on track, employ it where ever you can because it will hand you back the sense of control which you are lacking right now. But it starts with very simple and small things like having 3 set meals a deal and having a cut of point at night etc.

    You will get through this, you just need to start with the basics first - everything else will come along if you do that.
    Also, I wanted to rate this reply but it won't let me who are you?
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    I don't hate you though
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    I don't hate you though
    Aw, thanks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Thank you for replying, good to know there's others like me. I am not completely alone.


    Do not despair or lose hope, you will be happy one day. Good things will always happen to those who are good, but you must have patience and strength.
    I wish you all the best
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 408655)


    Do not despair or lose hope, you will be happy one day. Good things will always happen to those who are good, but you must have patience and strength.
    I wish you all the best
    Thank you, I will try not to.
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    I'll be your friend.
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    Make a timetable for the week.
    TSR has a study timetable that you can add anything to it. I've used it, and it's quite good.

    Find out when your lectures are and build your time for that.
    Make some time for self study, shopping, and other physical activities.
    Do some more excersise, as it gives you something to do and I've read that it helps depression.

    Have you tried finding a club or group that discuss or do something about your intrests?
    This will be good, as it means that you have human contact. If you can find debate groups, as they can be very good.
 
 
 
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