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Relationships and Asexuality Watch

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    I know this can be a controversial topic. Basic line is, I've fallen quite largely for a girl who has been a really close friend to me, but she has just told me that she is Asexual. I have never previously met an asexual person, so perhaps ignorantly, I assumed asexuals don't really exist.

    Point is though, for me there is a huge distinction between my sexual feelings and my emotional connection to someone and I myself feel like I can't have sex with someone unless I have feelings for them. I've never had sex, and I'm nearly 20. Personally, I feel really deprived and sad about that. Okay, I know I'm not the only one, and it's not the worst thing in the world, but I know it would make me so happy to express my love for this girl in that way, or to just simply be held. Obviously, I must accept that will never happen with her, which does make me feel sad.

    We're still going to be friends, and she does say she really cares about me, and we were close/hopefully will remain close. Like we've cuddled/snuggled before in front of films, and it's made me feel so happy and warm just to be there with her. Mostly that's been a very sort of deep feeling of warmth and connection, which is distinct from lust. Yes, I admit I am sexually attracted to her, but I'm more emotionally attracted by a long long way.

    The reason I feel like I need sex, is to express our love, moreso than to satisfy my libido, I mean i can't do one-night stands, so it's really not about that. I want to be held and have skin-skin contact, as part of an intimate relationship

    Anyway, apologies for the digression, but simply put: Asexuals may not want to have sex with someone, but can they love someone romantically/affectionately? Because I personally think my sexual feelings/emotional attachments are very different to each other. Surely it is part of human nature to fall in love? I'd imagine it wouldn't be very healthy to not feel love/affection for anyone... but i guess love is a broad concept, but I mean for a non-relative and more than a friend.

    Again apologies if I sound really ignorant, it's why I'm making the post, and of course when I talk to her about it, I'll be very sensitive about it
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know this can be a controversial topic. Basic line is, I've fallen quite largely for a girl who has been a really close friend to me, but she has just told me that she is Asexual. I have never previously met an asexual person, so perhaps ignorantly, I assumed asexuals don't really exist.

    Point is though, for me there is a huge distinction between my sexual feelings and my emotional connection to someone and I myself feel like I can't have sex with someone unless I have feelings for them. I've never had sex, and I'm nearly 20. Personally, I feel really deprived and sad about that. Okay, I know I'm not the only one, and it's not the worst thing in the world, but I know it would make me so happy to express my love for this girl in that way, or to just simply be held. Obviously, I must accept that will never happen with her, which does make me feel sad.

    We're still going to be friends, and she does say she really cares about me, and we were close/hopefully will remain close. Like we've cuddled/snuggled before in front of films, and it's made me feel so happy and warm just to be there with her. Mostly that's been a very sort of deep feeling of warmth and connection, which is distinct from lust. Yes, I admit I am sexually attracted to her, but I'm more emotionally attracted by a long long way.

    The reason I feel like I need sex, is to express our love, moreso than to satisfy my libido, I mean i can't do one-night stands, so it's really not about that. I want to be held and have skin-skin contact, as part of an intimate relationship

    Anyway, apologies for the digression, but simply put: Asexuals may not want to have sex with someone, but can they love someone romantically/affectionately? Because I personally think my sexual feelings/emotional attachments are very different to each other. Surely it is part of human nature to fall in love? I'd imagine it wouldn't be very healthy to not feel love/affection for anyone... but i guess love is a broad concept, but I mean for a non-relative and more than a friend.

    Again apologies if I sound really ignorant, it's why I'm making the post, and of course when I talk to her about it, I'll be very sensitive about it
    If you only feel attracted to someone after forming a close bond then you may actually be Demi-sexual, which is part of the Asexual Spectrum, though I of course can't speak for anyone else. It is possible she would enter a relationship as Asexual's can still feel romantic attraction such as myself, a Demi-Biromantic Asexual. I would try to talk to her and see how she feels about relationships and if she would ever enter one or be completely uninterested in that social aspect altogether.
    This is a type of sexuality that is barely understood by most people so it's good to see people looking for advice on how to handle it rather than assume it's just an excuse or not truly understand it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know this can be a controversial topic. Basic line is, I've fallen quite largely for a girl who has been a really close friend to me, but she has just told me that she is Asexual. I have never previously met an asexual person, so perhaps ignorantly, I assumed asexuals don't really exist.

    Point is though, for me there is a huge distinction between my sexual feelings and my emotional connection to someone and I myself feel like I can't have sex with someone unless I have feelings for them. I've never had sex, and I'm nearly 20. Personally, I feel really deprived and sad about that. Okay, I know I'm not the only one, and it's not the worst thing in the world, but I know it would make me so happy to express my love for this girl in that way, or to just simply be held. Obviously, I must accept that will never happen with her, which does make me feel sad.

    We're still going to be friends, and she does say she really cares about me, and we were close/hopefully will remain close. Like we've cuddled/snuggled before in front of films, and it's made me feel so happy and warm just to be there with her. Mostly that's been a very sort of deep feeling of warmth and connection, which is distinct from lust. Yes, I admit I am sexually attracted to her, but I'm more emotionally attracted by a long long way.

    The reason I feel like I need sex, is to express our love, moreso than to satisfy my libido, I mean i can't do one-night stands, so it's really not about that. I want to be held and have skin-skin contact, as part of an intimate relationship

    Anyway, apologies for the digression, but simply put: Asexuals may not want to have sex with someone, but can they love someone romantically/affectionately? Because I personally think my sexual feelings/emotional attachments are very different to each other. Surely it is part of human nature to fall in love? I'd imagine it wouldn't be very healthy to not feel love/affection for anyone... but i guess love is a broad concept, but I mean for a non-relative and more than a friend.

    Again apologies if I sound really ignorant, it's why I'm making the post, and of course when I talk to her about it, I'll be very sensitive about it




    Im a girl and your acting like we dont have feelings aswell, well we do, women dont want sex as much as boys do because at times sex had a big impact on a womens life than a mans, its not a biggy for you lot but it is for women, your "crush" may not even like you, until you realise she is in love with you she will get comfortable around you and will then have the urge to wanna have sex with you.
    Until then, all boys need to understand that girls have feelings too!
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    Asexuals can develop romantic feelings. She has the capacity to love you deeply like you can with her, but she won't have a want to have sex. However it varies between asexual depending on their needs. Some like doing everything apart from intercourse and some won't do anything remotely related to expressing love. It' up to her to decide where she sits on the scale. But emotionally she can love you.
 
 
 
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