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Is it rape if I said no but didn't physically push him away? Watch

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    Hi,
    There was an incident with my ex boyfriend and I still feel dirty but I don't know it's for the right reasons. I have been raped in the past, when I was younger and this felt the same but it didn't happen the same.
    We were fooling around and I said about 5 times that I didn't want to go all the way but he did it anyway and I didn't realise he was going g to but I didn't push him away.
    I feel like I need to talk to someone but I don't want to make it a big deal if it isn't. We talked about it and he cried and said sorry but everyday I feel worse and Im at a point where I really don't feel anything anymore
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    you said no, and he didnt stop. deffo rape. Reporting it could make you feel better might not. If you feel that justice should be served you could 100% screw up the rest of his life, if that would make you feel better.
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    I am so sorry to read this. That is rape. Please talk to someone you trust about this and don't feel like you're making a big deal out of it. You said no 5 times and he still proceeded - this is unacceptable. He needs to understand that just because he cried and said sorry, he doesn't get a free pass. He may well be pretending to protect himself. Please think of yourself in this situation and do what is best for you, not others. All the best xx
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    (Original post by ax7fold)
    you said no, and he didnt stop. deffo rape. Reporting it could make you feel better might not. If you feel that justice should be served you could 100% screw up the rest of his life, if that would make you feel better.
    Rather insensitive.
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    Yes.
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    Yes it is. Same thing happened with my ex. I told him I didn't want to have anal sex in his house of all places with his mum in the next room. He wouldn't take no for an answer so he covered my mouth with his hand and did what he did. I couldn't push him away because I was scared. It's like my mind went into survival mode and all my focus went into not screaming. But whatever. **** happens.

    It's rape if you said no. End of. Sometimes you physically can't push the rapist away because your mind is in a different place (this also happened to me years ago, but that's a different story). The fact that you said no is all that matters. See a counsellor if you need to talk to someone. Talking to people can sometimes help, but most of the time it doesn't because people can either be biased or not know what to say/they might say the wrong thing which could affect the way you view the situation/yourself.

    Come out of this alive and stronger. Let this situation turn you into a survivor. It could either make things really bad for you or really good in the sense that you learn to cope and allow it to make you stronger than you ever imagined you would have to be. You'll thank yourself if you can do that.
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    This is technically rape.
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    (Original post by Lutaylor00000)
    Hi,
    There was an incident with my ex boyfriend and I still feel dirty but I don't know it's for the right reasons. I have been raped in the past, when I was younger and this felt the same but it didn't happen the same.
    We were fooling around and I said about 5 times that I didn't want to go all the way but he did it anyway and I didn't realise he was going g to but I didn't push him away.
    I feel like I need to talk to someone but I don't want to make it a big deal if it isn't. We talked about it and he cried and said sorry but everyday I feel worse and Im at a point where I really don't feel anything anymore
    Find your nearest rape crisis or talk to the police.
    https://rapecrisis.org.uk/centres.php

    The helpline is open at noon tomorrow.

    You can talk to the samaritans now.

    116 123

    yes it was rape.

    Do not wash/ shower as the police may need to take evidence.
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    (Original post by ElAshtonio)
    This is technically rape but since you didn't physically push him away, this isn't a serious case of it when compared to what some women have experienced.
    So not like a serious murder then mkkay. Id hate to see what you say when you arent being helpful.
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    (Original post by ElAshtonio)
    This is technically rape but since you didn't physically push him away, this isn't a serious case of it when compared to what some women have experienced.
    I was raped when I was 13 and it wasn't the same I thought back but the guy was in his 30's but that doesn't make any rape victim less important and experience less traumatic.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was raped when I was 13 and it wasn't the same I thought back but the guy was in his 30's but that doesn't make any rape victim less important and experience less traumatic.
    I mean, there have been reported cases of women getting pinned to the pavement and raped there and then, without any way of escaping it. Compare that to "I said no but didn't resist" and there's a big difference.

    Of course, rape is rape and this must still be pretty traumatic for the OP. I'm also sorry for what you've experienced.
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    Yes and you should report him.
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    It's rape if you said no, regardless of any other contextual circumstances.
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    yes you were raped... you need to decide whether to report this criminal to the police.
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    (Original post by ElAshtonio)
    I mean, there have been reported cases of women getting pinned to the pavement and raped there and then, without any way of escaping it. Compare that to "I said no but didn't resist" and there's a big difference.

    Of course, rape is rape and this must still be pretty traumatic for the OP. I'm also sorry for what you've experienced.
    I understand fully but with it happening to me before, i fins it hard to resist, he known about my past and that makes it worse. I know it can be worse, i've had worse i was 13 when i was raped by a 36 year old man 3x my size and i reported it 4 years later im still waiting for him to go to prison but he hasn't he ran to nigeria and there for has had nothing happen. I have had no closure from that so i feel worse about allowing it to happen again but i get scared and i cant move and in my head im screaming but it wont come out. It's been the same a few times where i've said no and it still happened but if i said that this was rape i'd have had sex once with someone who didn't rape me. I don't want to call it Rape but i feel so horrible and he's just a kid, he's 16 and i don't want to ruin his future over something he probably didn't understand. I wrote this for advice nothing else. You're not really helpful, kinda made me feel worse for wanting to talk about it cause people are going through worse so thanks
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    (Original post by ElAshtonio)
    This is technically rape but since you didn't physically push him away, this isn't a serious case of it when compared to what some women have experienced.
    Rape is always serious, regardless of the context. Maybe don't comment next time if you're going to say something so pointlessly insensitive.
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    (Original post by Lutaylor00000)
    Hi,
    There was an incident with my ex boyfriend and I still feel dirty but I don't know it's for the right reasons. I have been raped in the past, when I was younger and this felt the same but it didn't happen the same.
    We were fooling around and I said about 5 times that I didn't want to go all the way but he did it anyway and I didn't realise he was going g to but I didn't push him away.
    I feel like I need to talk to someone but I don't want to make it a big deal if it isn't. We talked about it and he cried and said sorry but everyday I feel worse and Im at a point where I really don't feel anything anymore
    Rape is having sex with somebody without their consent. If he did not have reasonable signs that you consented and continued to for the whole time it was rape. You saying no is a pretty damn clear indicator that you did not consent.
    You're the only one here who can really judge if it was deliberate or he was just an idiot and didn't notice or realise you meant it. You said no and that should have been clear enough, but let's face it people can be idiots sometimes.

    If you believe it was more than him just being an idiot then you can report it if you like (you don't have to if you don't want to). If you think he was just stupid and didn't actually mean any harm, then you may want to either talk things through with him or just avoid him and leave it at that.

    Either way I suggest you get some emotional support for yourself because no matter how he meant it it was still traumatising for you.
    That might be talking to a close friend, using a counselling service (like through school) or contacting a service live Victim Support, Rape Crisis, Sane.org, Samaritans etc.
    Here's a link to Rape Crisis- a support line for rape victims.
    https://rapecrisis.org.uk/
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    (Original post by ElAshtonio)
    This is technically rape but since you didn't physically push him away, this isn't a serious case of it when compared to what some women have experienced.
    I will gladly take a warning for this but you ****ing *******.

    What kind *****y comment is this?
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    (Original post by ElAshtonio)
    I mean, there have been reported cases of women getting pinned to the pavement and raped there and then, without any way of escaping it. Compare that to "I said no but didn't resist" and there's a big difference.

    Of course, rape is rape and this must still be pretty traumatic for the OP. I'm also sorry for what you've experienced.
    What the hell are you on about? Are you seriously trying to quantify terror experienced by different rape victims?
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    (Original post by yudothis)
    What the hell are you on about? Are you seriously trying to quantify terror experienced by different rape victims?
    Yes, I am; what's worse? Getting pinned to the ground and raped with no escape or just saying "No, I don't want to" without trying to escape?

    Call me an as*hole all you want but this is my opinion.
 
 
 
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