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Friend not going out when it rains, is he overreacting? Watch

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    I have a friend who's 30 and from Italy, who is here for a year to work. I met him almost 2 months ago and we've only met up twice so far ,as it keeps getting delayed.

    We were meant to see each other 1 month ago, but he told me he wasn't going to come out because it was raining. I live in a smaller town and he lives in the main city 10 mins' train ride from here.

    I was in the city at that time and we were supposed to meet so I suggested going to a bar. Again he told me he couldn't as it was raining. I responded that it would require at most a couple of minutes' walking with an umbrella/hood, but he told me that it wouldn't be possible.


    I told him not to worry and he thanked me for my understanding. Last weekend, we were supposed to meet again. I'd invited him to come to my town as I'd always been going there and it was only 10 mins' train to come here.

    He told me that it would be better to meet in his town really, but that he could come here. And I replied, ok great, we'll keep in touch about the time etc.

    Then an hour before, I had a msg saying 'so are we meeting in my town or yours then?' I had thought it was in my town and then realised I maybe hadn't been clear.

    He then told me that he would need to 'take 2 buses and the train to come here, so it'd take him 2 hours', and that he couldn't come.

    We arranged for this weekend and we're supposed to meet today. I saw on the forecast yesterday afternoon that it would be raining and asked him if he'd be able to come as a result. I'm not sure if he's offended but he hasn't replied.

    I understand he's Italian and maybe not used to this weather... but I'm sure he goes out to work when it rains, goes to the supermarket etc.. I didn't ask him to go hiking for hours in the rain or anything.

    Just that we've been trying to meet for 1 month, and it's him who suggested it, but the thing is it's getting colder and it's bound to rain more; it can't be avoided.

    Am I overracting or should I stop bothering with him? Thjanks
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    it sounds as if your Italian friend is not all that interested in meeting up & is just coming up with lame excuses to avoid you. i could be completely wrong but that is what it sounds like.
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    Yeah, I understand why you think that, and I'm wondering the same thing. But the thing it was him who messaged me first asking to meet up, and since we don't know each other all that well, I don't know what the point is of going through all that trouble,it'd be easier for him to just not reply no?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a friend who's 30 and from Italy, who is here for a year to work. I met him almost 2 months ago and we've only met up twice so far ,as it keeps getting delayed.

    We were meant to see each other 1 month ago, but he told me he wasn't going to come out because it was raining. I live in a smaller town and he lives in the main city 10 mins' train ride from here.

    I was in the city at that time and we were supposed to meet so I suggested going to a bar. Again he told me he couldn't as it was raining. I responded that it would require at most a couple of minutes' walking with an umbrella/hood, but he told me that it wouldn't be possible.


    I told him not to worry and he thanked me for my understanding. Last weekend, we were supposed to meet again. I'd invited him to come to my town as I'd always been going there and it was only 10 mins' train to come here.

    He told me that it would be better to meet in his town really, but that he could come here. And I replied, ok great, we'll keep in touch about the time etc.

    Then an hour before, I had a msg saying 'so are we meeting in my town or yours then?' I had thought it was in my town and then realised I maybe hadn't been clear.

    He then told me that he would need to 'take 2 buses and the train to come here, so it'd take him 2 hours', and that he couldn't come.

    We arranged for this weekend and we're supposed to meet today. I saw on the forecast yesterday afternoon that it would be raining and asked him if he'd be able to come as a result. I'm not sure if he's offended but he hasn't replied.

    I understand he's Italian and maybe not used to this weather... but I'm sure he goes out to work when it rains, goes to the supermarket etc.. I didn't ask him to go hiking for hours in the rain or anything.

    Just that we've been trying to meet for 1 month, and it's him who suggested it, but the thing is it's getting colder and it's bound to rain more; it can't be avoided.

    Am I overracting or should I stop bothering with him? Thjanks
    Either he is too lazy to go on a 2 hour journey and back just to come to yours, he doesn't want to waste money. or he doesn't know you well enough to trust you.

    If you really want to see him, you should probably go to his. As he cant be bothered to come to yours. If he doesnt want that then. He is avoiding you and you shouldnt see him.
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    • Thread Starter
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    it's only a 10-minute train ride to this town. I think the '2 hours' is a very large exaggeration... plus he told me that he has a monthly bus pass for unlimited travel.

    I've offered to come to his town today, but since he doesn't go out when it rains, and as it is today...

    but yeah again, we don't know each other super well and I don't see the trouble of making up all these lies when it would be easier to just ignore me..
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    If I were you I'd be straight with him and just say "look, just because it's raining isn't an excuse not to go out and do stuff. How do you manage to go to work if it rains every day all week? It seems to me like you just aren't interested in meeting up with me. I've tried over and over again but to no avail. If you really want to meet up then tell me a time and a place and we'll do it, but it seems like you don't want to so I'm going to stop trying." I know it seems harsh, but sometimes people just don't realise the effect they're having on others. You have to be honest. not rude, just honest.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a friend who's 30 and from Italy, who is here for a year to work. I met him almost 2 months ago and we've only met up twice so far ,as it keeps getting delayed.

    We were meant to see each other 1 month ago, but he told me he wasn't going to come out because it was raining. I live in a smaller town and he lives in the main city 10 mins' train ride from here.

    I was in the city at that time and we were supposed to meet so I suggested going to a bar. Again he told me he couldn't as it was raining. I responded that it would require at most a couple of minutes' walking with an umbrella/hood, but he told me that it wouldn't be possible.


    I told him not to worry and he thanked me for my understanding. Last weekend, we were supposed to meet again. I'd invited him to come to my town as I'd always been going there and it was only 10 mins' train to come here.

    He told me that it would be better to meet in his town really, but that he could come here. And I replied, ok great, we'll keep in touch about the time etc.

    Then an hour before, I had a msg saying 'so are we meeting in my town or yours then?' I had thought it was in my town and then realised I maybe hadn't been clear.

    He then told me that he would need to 'take 2 buses and the train to come here, so it'd take him 2 hours', and that he couldn't come.

    We arranged for this weekend and we're supposed to meet today. I saw on the forecast yesterday afternoon that it would be raining and asked him if he'd be able to come as a result. I'm not sure if he's offended but he hasn't replied.

    I understand he's Italian and maybe not used to this weather... but I'm sure he goes out to work when it rains, goes to the supermarket etc.. I didn't ask him to go hiking for hours in the rain or anything.

    Just that we've been trying to meet for 1 month, and it's him who suggested it, but the thing is it's getting colder and it's bound to rain more; it can't be avoided.

    Am I overracting or should I stop bothering with him? Thjanks
    Maybe hes a mythical creature like a merman and the rain turn him into something.
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    That's is what you call taking a "rain check"! Reading this, two things spring to mind - either he isn't really interested in meeting you, or he is too lazy to make the trip to see you. If you really want to meet up, you could meet him at his place - he doesn't have to venture out and you spend the time indoors (if he grumbles about the rain). Consider if it still worth making the effort to meet him and if it is worth your time, it seems to me you are the only one suggesting things.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    thanks for the replies! Yeah I agree with what people are saying..

    Anyway he messaged before like 'Oh it's stopped raining now, hopefully it will stay like that.''

    I replied "Are you sure? Because it still says rain on the forecast and I don't want to pay a £15 train ticket, it suddenly begins raining again and you cancel at the last minute.'"

    I think I will stop bothering with him like others have suggested if he doesn't get the idea..
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    Just to point out that I live in Switzerland if anyone was wondering why I pay £15 for a 10-minute train journey haha
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a friend who's 30 and from Italy, who is here for a year to work. I met him almost 2 months ago and we've only met up twice so far ,as it keeps getting delayed.

    We were meant to see each other 1 month ago, but he told me he wasn't going to come out because it was raining. I live in a smaller town and he lives in the main city 10 mins' train ride from here.

    I was in the city at that time and we were supposed to meet so I suggested going to a bar. Again he told me he couldn't as it was raining. I responded that it would require at most a couple of minutes' walking with an umbrella/hood, but he told me that it wouldn't be possible.


    I told him not to worry and he thanked me for my understanding. Last weekend, we were supposed to meet again. I'd invited him to come to my town as I'd always been going there and it was only 10 mins' train to come here.

    He told me that it would be better to meet in his town really, but that he could come here. And I replied, ok great, we'll keep in touch about the time etc.

    Then an hour before, I had a msg saying 'so are we meeting in my town or yours then?' I had thought it was in my town and then realised I maybe hadn't been clear.

    He then told me that he would need to 'take 2 buses and the train to come here, so it'd take him 2 hours', and that he couldn't come.

    We arranged for this weekend and we're supposed to meet today. I saw on the forecast yesterday afternoon that it would be raining and asked him if he'd be able to come as a result. I'm not sure if he's offended but he hasn't replied.

    I understand he's Italian and maybe not used to this weather... but I'm sure he goes out to work when it rains, goes to the supermarket etc.. I didn't ask him to go hiking for hours in the rain or anything.

    Just that we've been trying to meet for 1 month, and it's him who suggested it, but the thing is it's getting colder and it's bound to rain more; it can't be avoided.

    Am I overracting or should I stop bothering with him? Thjanks
    Hate to be blunt but to me it sounds like he's either trying to avoid meeting you or is lazy.
    Obviously there are other possibilities though and I guess he may have some anxiety about rain/ travel or something.

    I would text (or however you talk normally) him and say it seems he's trying to avoid coming out to meet you. Would it help if you came closer to him or does he just want to hold off?
    Makes a bit of a point of "you're avoiding me. wth?", but also adds that supportive touch in case it is some legit issue he has.
    Don't let this keep going on for too long. It's not fair on you to keep making plans and be ditched for basically no reason last minuet.
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    thanks for the reply.... yeah I was supposed to go to take the train to him tonight but he replied like 'oh, damn I just saw the forecast! Guess we gotta postpone again ' Can't be bothered anymore, this is the 3rd time and I think I'll just stop contacting him.. he must think I've got nothing better to do then sit around waiting to see if it stops raining or not for him.
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    Yeah, I'd give up with him too. I'd understand it more if it was thunder and lightening or really heavy rain. But I get the impression it's not.
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    Your friend has OPiophoba. He is avoiding OP's from TSR
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    Perhaps he's breaking-in raw unsanforised denim and fears that even the slightest exposure to moisture will cut off the circulation to his legs.
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    haha, possibly! In any case I've not replied nor will I be contacting him again.... had enough of him wasting my time
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have a friend who's 30 and from Italy, who is here for a year to work. I met him almost 2 months ago and we've only met up twice so far ,as it keeps getting delayed.

    We were meant to see each other 1 month ago, but he told me he wasn't going to come out because it was raining. I live in a smaller town and he lives in the main city 10 mins' train ride from here.

    I was in the city at that time and we were supposed to meet so I suggested going to a bar. Again he told me he couldn't as it was raining. I responded that it would require at most a couple of minutes' walking with an umbrella/hood, but he told me that it wouldn't be possible.


    I told him not to worry and he thanked me for my understanding. Last weekend, we were supposed to meet again. I'd invited him to come to my town as I'd always been going there and it was only 10 mins' train to come here.

    He told me that it would be better to meet in his town really, but that he could come here. And I replied, ok great, we'll keep in touch about the time etc.

    Then an hour before, I had a msg saying 'so are we meeting in my town or yours then?' I had thought it was in my town and then realised I maybe hadn't been clear.

    He then told me that he would need to 'take 2 buses and the train to come here, so it'd take him 2 hours', and that he couldn't come.

    We arranged for this weekend and we're supposed to meet today. I saw on the forecast yesterday afternoon that it would be raining and asked him if he'd be able to come as a result. I'm not sure if he's offended but he hasn't replied.

    I understand he's Italian and maybe not used to this weather... but I'm sure he goes out to work when it rains, goes to the supermarket etc.. I didn't ask him to go hiking for hours in the rain or anything.

    Just that we've been trying to meet for 1 month, and it's him who suggested it, but the thing is it's getting colder and it's bound to rain more; it can't be avoided.

    Am I overracting or should I stop bothering with him? Thjanks
    Have some self respect girl, dump the bum and move on. He's not into you, if he was he would cross jagged mountains in bare foot to get to you !

    And at 30 he really should know better! Delete this loser from your contacts immediately - work on making new friends elsewhere
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    it's only a 10-minute train ride to this town. I think the '2 hours' is a very large exaggeration... plus he told me that he has a monthly bus pass for unlimited travel.

    I've offered to come to his town today, but since he doesn't go out when it rains, and as it is today...

    but yeah again, we don't know each other super well and I don't see the trouble of making up all these lies when it would be easier to just ignore me..

    Sounds like he is trying to avoid you to be honest. Not being mean or anything but maybe the first time you met with him things didn't go as well as you thought they did so now he's reluctant to meet again. Or maybe he just doesn't like you as much as you like him.

    I believe if he did like you that much then he'd make more effort to either see you or have you come see him, ie making himself more available.

    Saying he cannot meet you because it's raining has to be the worst excuse I have ever heard. It's almost like a girl when she says 'sorry, can't come out because I'm washing my hair.' He is brushing you off with lame excuses, maybe so that you will take the hint and back off. Maybe he's trying not too hurt your feelings so he makes these excuses up rather than just saying 'Sorry XYZ I don't think we should meet as I don't like you in that way."

    If he's contacting you first to meet, then maybe he just messing you around on purpose. Maybe he's one of these guys who likes the thrill of the chase but can't be bothered taking it any further. I've met a few guys like this. They chat to you, flirt with you, ask you out then either don't show, make excuses or just don't care in general with making any effort. The fact that you've arranged to meet so many times and nothing has happened says alot about how much he's into you.

    I'd walk away now, block him on facebook or whatever and keep your dignity.
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    Oh and just to add he could be married or have a girlf, a guy did this too me once years ago. Would say he loved me and would say he couldn't wait to see me etc,,

    Arranged to meet me about four or five times but never turned up making pathetic excuses, I got the hint in the end. Turns out he had a girlfriend and would have to cancel last minute as she had turned up at his house or he couldn't risk her finding out where he was if he was with me for all day. Basically he was a womanizer.
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    (Original post by lil minx)
    Oh and just to add he could be married or have a girlf, a guy did this too me once years ago. Would say he loved me and would say he couldn't wait to see me etc,,

    Arranged to meet me about four or five times but never turned up making pathetic excuses, I got the hint in the end. Turns out he had a girlfriend and would have to cancel last minute as she had turned up at his house or he couldn't risk her finding out where he was if he was with me for all day. Basically he was a womanizer.
    OP was talking about a friend, not a partner?
 
 
 
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