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    Hi Reader,

    So I got a huge problem. The person I was inlove with died. Now before I go into detail about my life, I want you to know that I feel lost and hurt.

    I met this girl back in South Africa when I was 4 years old. Now I know it sounds silly to say this but from that day, I knew she was my soul mate. And for 10 amazing years we lived, grew and loved one another. Besides me being bullied but school mates and neighbours or being resented by my family and so called friends. She was the only one who cared and made me feel special. I consider myself a very negative person because of this tragedy and grew up that hate was the only way to survive.

    The day she died I found about that we were moving away to another part of South Africa. Obviously I was heart broken and I knew this would tear us apart. So I called her and I asked her on a date. We met up and she has this beautiful red dress with a gold necklace. She looked absolutely amazing. We were on our way to our date and we got into a argument. To be honest, I can't remember the details of the argument and I was very short tempered. So after a few minutes I lost my cool and started to walk away. She told me how much she loved me and she wanted to be with me for the rest of her life. I was so angry and syubborn that i just said I don't care and walked of.

    As I walked away I saw her crying but I was to angry and that was the last time I saw her. We have this tradition of coming back for one another after a fight. She would always stay in the some place until I came back. Of course I didn't go back because I was moving away and she didn't know. So for two years I feel so much regret of leaving her that way and I wanted to apologies. I went back to her home in the area and she mother opened the door. To my suprise, we spoke for hours just catching up. I then noticed that the pictures of her stopped. I asked her mother why cause she loved taking photos.

    Thats when her mother told me that she had passed away. My heart sank and I could not believe what she told me. What made it worse os that she died on the exact same day I left. Her mother told me that she was repeated raped and stabbed to death by 6 guys, after I left her there. She waited as usual but this time it cost her her life.

    I went to her grave and promised to never fall inlove again. That was 8 years ago from the day she died. So now I started to meet new people and I just can't bring myself to connect with them. I only have one close friend and he understand what I am going through. I constantly feel empty, resentful, angry and alone. I push everyone away who I considered close because I want to be alone. But for the past few years there have been many potential partners that I haven't engaged any sign of interest and this has made me hurt alot of people feelings. I don't want to do that so what can I do to stop hurting people and finally be alone?

    Btw, i just turn 22 a few days ago
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi Reader,

    So I got a huge problem. The person I was inlove with died. Now before I go into detail about my life, I want you to know that I feel lost and hurt.

    I met this girl back in South Africa when I was 4 years old. Now I know it sounds silly to say this but from that day, I knew she was my soul mate. And for 10 amazing years we lived, grew and loved one another. Besides me being bullied but school mates and neighbours or being resented by my family and so called friends. She was the only one who cared and made me feel special. I consider myself a very negative person because of this tragedy and grew up that hate was the only way to survive.

    The day she died I found about that we were moving away to another part of South Africa. Obviously I was heart broken and I knew this would tear us apart. So I called her and I asked her on a date. We met up and she has this beautiful red dress with a gold necklace. She looked absolutely amazing. We were on our way to our date and we got into a argument. To be honest, I can't remember the details of the argument and I was very short tempered. So after a few minutes I lost my cool and started to walk away. She told me how much she loved me and she wanted to be with me for the rest of her life. I was so angry and syubborn that i just said I don't care and walked of.

    As I walked away I saw her crying but I was to angry and that was the last time I saw her. We have this tradition of coming back for one another after a fight. She would always stay in the some place until I came back. Of course I didn't go back because I was moving away and she didn't know. So for two years I feel so much regret of leaving her that way and I wanted to apologies. I went back to her home in the area and she mother opened the door. To my suprise, we spoke for hours just catching up. I then noticed that the pictures of her stopped. I asked her mother why cause she loved taking photos.

    Thats when her mother told me that she had passed away. My heart sank and I could not believe what she told me. What made it worse os that she died on the exact same day I left. Her mother told me that she was repeated raped and stabbed to death by 6 guys, after I left her there. She waited as usual but this time it cost her her life.

    I went to her grave and promised to never fall inlove again. That was 8 years ago from the day she died. So now I started to meet new people and I just can't bring myself to connect with them. I only have one close friend and he understand what I am going through. I constantly feel empty, resentful, angry and alone. I push everyone away who I considered close because I want to be alone. But for the past few years there have been many potential partners that I haven't engaged any sign of interest and this has made me hurt alot of people feelings. I don't want to do that so what can I do to stop hurting people and finally be alone?

    Btw, i just turn 22 a few days ago
    Okay. First of all, I’m deeply sorry to hear that.
    But moving on is exactly what you need to do.

    Communication is exactly what you need. If you meet someone you care about or think you can grow to care for, talk to them. Explain what happened and how it leaves you struggling to express emotion and needing alone time. Your partner should then realise it’s not a sign that you’re not interested, it’s a sign that you need a little more time than others.

    By the sounds of your post, anger/confrontation/not expressing emotion and walking away seem a regular occurrence. I’d strongly recommend either anger management classes or therapy to help address those issues so you can overcome them. If you’re sure being alone is what you want, tell people that. Communication really is the best way of dealing with this. Acting hostile and hurting people to achieve loneliness is good for neither of you.

    It may not mean much, but feel free to PM me if I can help in any way. I understand those emotions. x
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