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What is the halal way to go about things? How do you know you've found the one? Watch

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    I'm currently talking to a guy to get to know him properly. We went to the same university but we didn't talk to each other as we were on different courses. We saw each other around and both liked the character of each other (from what we saw). I didn't think anything of it as I didn't think he would approach me. A couple of days after our graduation, he messaged me on Facebook and said he would like to get to know me better potentially for marriage. A couple of days ago he said he wants to meet me in person. We both want to do things the halal way. So he said he has told his sisters about me and will bring one of his sister to the meeting to keep things halal. However I have told him that I feel like things are moving too fast as we haven't been speaking that long. His response was to take as much time as I needed. I know it's early days but how do you know whether someone is right for you? Obviously I'm still getting to know him but I feel like the more I speak to him, the more I'll get attached to him and if he isn't meant for me, I'd rather not talk to him as I don't really speak to guys. We are both serious about finding someone for marriage and not a relationship. We have no intentions of getting into a relationship. So far we both feel like we are compatible. He is on his deen which is a must. He's the type of guy I would like to marry. Regarding the meeting, I'm a bit hesitant as I don't have a sister who I can talk to about this situation or take with me. The fact that my parents don't know is making me hesitant to meet him and sister. But I was thinking to tell my aunty so at least someone in my family knows the situation. I'm not that close to my family so I can't talk about these things and I would only tell my parents about him further down the line if we both want to get married. Am I doing anything wrong in not telling my parents? What's the best way to go about this situation? And how will I know he's the one for me? (Just thought I'll put out there that we are both Pakistani)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm currently talking to a guy to get to know him properly. We went to the same university but we didn't talk to each other as we were on different courses. We saw each other around and both liked the character of each other (from what we saw). I didn't think anything of it as I didn't think he would approach me. A couple of days after our graduation, he messaged me on Facebook and said he would like to get to know me better potentially for marriage. A couple of days ago he said he wants to meet me in person. We both want to do things the halal way. So he said he has told his sisters about me and will bring one of his sister to the meeting to keep things halal. However I have told him that I feel like things are moving too fast as we haven't been speaking that long. His response was to take as much time as I needed. I know it's early days but how do you know whether someone is right for you? Obviously I'm still getting to know him but I feel like the more I speak to him, the more I'll get attached to him and if he isn't meant for me, I'd rather not talk to him as I don't really speak to guys. We are both serious about finding someone for marriage and not a relationship. We have no intentions of getting into a relationship. So far we both feel like we are compatible. He is on his deen which is a must. He's the type of guy I would like to marry. Regarding the meeting, I'm a bit hesitant as I don't have a sister who I can talk to about this situation or take with me. The fact that my parents don't know is making me hesitant to meet him and sister. But I was thinking to tell my aunty so at least someone in my family knows the situation. I'm not that close to my family so I can't talk about these things and I would only tell my parents about him further down the line if we both want to get married. Am I doing anything wrong in not telling my parents? What's the best way to go about this situation? And how will I know he's the one for me? (Just thought I'll put out there that we are both Pakistani)
    The best thing would be that you ask him if he really is serious in wanting to marry you. If he is then ask him to bring forward the proposal to your dad. Your dad is your wali and it is a must that he is involved in this. I understand that you are not close to your family but islamically it's important to make sure that your dad is present whenever he speaks to you. That doesn't necessarily mean that your dad has to sit in the conversation, it just means that he should be there to be on the look out for you in the same room. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. The first thing you should do is tell your aunt to bring forward the topic in front of your parents. He should also ask his parents so they then can bring forward the proposal. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
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    (Original post by ILuvFood1234)
    The best thing would be that you ask him if he really is serious in wanting to marry you. If he is then ask him to bring forward the proposal to your dad. Your dad is your wali and it is a must that he is involved in this. I understand that you are not close to your family but islamically it's important to make sure that your dad is present whenever he speaks to you. That doesn't necessarily mean that your dad has to sit in the conversation, it just means that he should be there to be on the look out for you in the same room. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. The first thing you should do is tell your aunt to bring forward the topic in front of your parents. He should also ask his parents so they then can bring forward the proposal. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
    So even if I'm not sure whether he is the right guy for me, I should ask him to speak to his parents and come and ask my dad? The thought scares me, is it not possible to get to know him whilst having his sister present? Or does it have to be a male? My intentions of telling my aunt was so that at least someone in my family knows the situation. I was thinking if after the meeting with him and his sister, we still want to go forward, then ask my aunt to mention it to my parents? We are both 21 years old.
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    (Original post by Anxnymous)
    So even if I'm not sure whether he is the right guy for me, I should ask him to speak to his parents and come and ask my dad? The thought scares me, is it not possible to get to know him whilst having his sister present? Or does it have to be a male? My intentions of telling my aunt was so that at least someone in my family knows the situation. I was thinking if after the meeting with him and his sister, we still want to go forward, then ask my aunt to mention it to my parents? We are both 21 years old.
    I feel like you should get in contact with his sister. Who would know him better than his sister? Basically ask his sister about him. Basically the sister can be like a messenger between you two so it stays halal, do you understand what I mean? I know there are certain things you would want to ask each other privately but unfortunately that's not permissible if the Wali (your dad) isn't present.
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    (Original post by ILuvFood1234)
    I feel like you should get in contact with his sister. Who would know him better than his sister? Basically ask his sister about him. Basically the sister can be like a messenger between you two so it stays halal, do you understand what I mean? I know there are certain things you would want to ask each other privately but unfortunately that's not permissible if the Wali (your dad) isn't present.
    So we shouldn't even be speaking to each other now even though we are both staying within limits? Is it not permissible at all? Yeah I wouldn't mind speaking to his sister to get to know more about him. Regarding the meeting, I shouldn't meet him if my father isn't present? Even if his sister is with us the whole time?
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    (Original post by Anxnymous)
    So we shouldn't even be speaking to each other now even though we are both staying within limits? Is it not permissible at all? Yeah I wouldn't mind speaking to his sister to get to know more about him. Regarding the meeting, I shouldn't meet him if my father isn't present? Even if his sister is with us the whole time?
    A man in Islam doesn't need a Wali but a woman does. His sister is not his Wali so it's not permissible for you to speak with him even when his sister is present. This is to prevent anything irrational taking place. I know nothing like this will happen but always remember that when a man and woman are together the third person is always shaitaan. That's why it's best for you to get to know him through his sister. If you then know that he's the one then he should speak to his parents while your aunt brings up the marriage topic in front of your parents. After that with the presence of your dad in the same room you can speak to him. Your dad doesn't need to be right next to you, he can also be sat on the other side of the room. As long as he is there and keeping an eye then it's all good. That's the halal manner. Your dad doesn't need to hear the conversation either. He just needs to be in the room. In'sha'allah you'll find the spouse that you are looking for.
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    Urmm you just gave yourself away by not posting anon after the OP :lol:
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    (Original post by ILuvFood1234)
    A man in Islam doesn't need a Wali but a woman does. His sister is not his Wali so it's not permissible for you to speak with him even when his sister is present. This is to prevent anything irrational taking place. I know nothing like this will happen but always remember that when a man and woman are together the third person is always shaitaan. That's why it's best for you to get to know him through his sister. If you then know that he's the one then he should speak to his parents while your aunt brings up the marriage topic in front of your parents. After that with the presence of your dad in the same room you can speak to him. Your dad doesn't need to be right next to you, he can also be sat on the other side of the room. As long as he is there and keeping an eye then it's all good. That's the halal manner. Your dad doesn't need to hear the conversation either. He just needs to be in the room. In'sha'allah you'll find the spouse that you are looking for.
    Oh okay that makes sense. That's the approach I'm going to take In sha allah. Thank you for your help, May Allah bless you endlessly In this life and the next, In Sha Allah, Ameen. In sha allah, I will.
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    (Original post by Anxnymous)
    Oh okay that makes sense. That's the approach I'm going to take In sha allah. Thank you for your help, May Allah bless you endlessly In this life and the next, In Sha Allah, Ameen. In sha allah, I will.
    No worries sister, if you need any further advice or help then don't hesitate to PM me. Jazakallahu Khair.
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