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    Hey everyone.

    So I just wanted to write about a difficult situation which has been really stressing me out. I’m 20 years old

    So me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for about a year now and we have started having (trying) to have sex in the last couple of months. I’m new to sex but are determined to get it right. Unfortunately when me and my gf attempt to have sex it hasn’t been going well. Largely due to the fact that when I put on a condom I remain hard for a little while but then go completely soft. Sometimes I remain hard long enough to enter her vagina but I quickly loose my erection and I end up thrusting inside her with only a semi hard on.

    In regards to the condoms I feel I may need a bigger condom as it didn’t role to the base of my shaft and feels kinda tight but I’m wondering if that’s because my head of my penis is sensitive or is due to other factors such as I’m just not used to wearing one or may have Performance anxiety??

    However, I can easily gain and maintain an erection during foreplay and stay hard throughout. Interestingly sometimes I *** when we are grinding on each other is this bad ??

    In addition to this, I am uncircumcised and I used to bed hump a lot when I was younger (I now masturbate properly however) and I’m wondering if this may have contributed to my situation ?? I’m wondering therefore if I also have Phimosis as a result of this ?? I can however retract my forsaken over my head and when I put a condom on it retracts relatively easily. I have recently tried stretching my foreskin hoping that will help and have also recently started masturbating with a condom at night to try and get comfortable with wearing one.

    Any advice or any suggestions would be hugely appreciated, thanks
    • #1
    #1

    Maybe you could try a different size. Also, is a condom your only form of birth control or is she on the pill? Are you two exclusive? Are you both clean of STDs? Me and my boyfriend don't use condoms - we are both each other's firsts and we are both clean, I'm on the pill. We found condoms uncomfortable for both of us the first few times. We tried sticking with it because of all the safe sex stuff, but sex is still safe without it if you're in a committed relationship.

    You could try without if you have another form of contraception and are both clean. But it sounds like it's just a case of getting used to it. Just don't be disheartened. You'll get the hang of it. Plus, there's loads of other non-sex things you can do and still have fun.
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    Hi

    I can completely resolve your issue

    You do not have a problem, repeat after me "you do not have a problem"

    What you are suffering from is performance anxiety
    https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/sexual-performance
    The link tells you a bit more but don't drown in the details - the link is also promoting services you don't need but it's basically all in your mind.

    You get everything arranged and set up, when you finally get there your big head is drowning in stress and you are just not relaxed enough. This is a real common issue. Pressure on guys to perform can often be a sex killer but the good news is that it's often very short lived and it will be in your case.

    So Put simply, you are stressing yourself and putting tons of pressure on yourself to perform. You are still doing it now outside the bedroom messing and fretting about condoms - stop - relax - break the chain

    My best advice for now would be enjoy more heavy petting together, try and breath deeply and relax in each other's company, enjoy mutual masturbation and take the pressure off completely.

    Then at another ther time give it another go, but clear your head of negatives and anxiety, I know it's easier said than done, but relax take your time, think about the beautiful girl you are with, kiss her, look into her eyes - it's not a race and you will be fine, stop stressing.

    Good luck
    • #2
    #2

    There are different forms of contraception that you could try.
    i would say that if she is not on birth control, she could try using a female condom.
    Its a big rubbery thing with a ring in it and an opening and you have to fold the ring and enter it up inside of you. (google it fam)

    This way you won't have to wear anything and you will still have protection.
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Maybe you could try a different size. Also, is a condom your only form of birth control or is she on the pill? Are you two exclusive? Are you both clean of STDs? Me and my boyfriend don't use condoms - we are both each other's firsts and we are both clean, I'm on the pill. We found condoms uncomfortable for both of us the first few times. We tried sticking with it because of all the safe sex stuff, but sex is still safe without it if you're in a committed relationship.

    You could try without if you have another form of contraception and are both clean. But it sounds like it's just a case of getting used to it. Just don't be disheartened. You'll get the hang of it. Plus, there's loads of other non-sex things you can do and still have fun.

    Thanks a lot for the fast reply and that info is really helpful

    So yea she is on the pill as well and we are both clear of STD’s etc as we are each other’s first. I will take on your advice and try without a condom next time. I just need to relax and be patient and I’m aurw it will all work out
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by LsDad)
    Hi

    I can completely resolve your issue

    You do not have a problem, repeat after me "you do not have a problem"

    What you are suffering from is performance anxiety
    https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/sexual-performance
    The link tells you a bit more but don't drown in the details - the link is also promoting services you don't need but it's basically all in your mind.

    You get everything arranged and set up, when you finally get there your big head is drowning in stress and you are just not relaxed enough. This is a real common issue. Pressure on guys to perform can often be a sex killer but the good news is that it's often very short lived and it will be in your case.

    So Put simply, you are stressing yourself and putting tons of pressure on yourself to perform. You are still doing it now outside the bedroom messing and fretting about condoms - stop - relax - break the chain

    My best advice for now would be enjoy more heavy petting together, try and breath deeply and relax in each other's company, enjoy mutual masturbation and take the pressure off completely.

    Then at another ther time give it another go, but clear your head of negatives and anxiety, I know it's easier said than done, but relax take your time, think about the beautiful girl you are with, kiss her, look into her eyes - it's not a race and you will be fine, stop stressing.

    Good luck

    Thanks a lot for that response

    Yes I agree with everything you have said there. And thanks for the link to ! I’m just going to try and relax a bit more and just go with the flow. I’m sure it will all work out in the end.
 
 
 
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