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Racist, homophobic, bigoted mother... Watch

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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Hey,

    So I have an awful mother and I just need some validation that I'm not crazy for thinking her views aren't appropriate, because she always reduces them down to opinions. And maybe some coping strategies because living at home is driving me mad.

    We argue basically everyday because I find her intolerable. I'd move out but I'm on barely 700 pounds a month (TA salary) and can't afford typical rent with my car, contact lenses, phone, petrol, food (I pay £100/month rent at home). I'm hoping to goi back to university in a couple of years to do my doctorate because I did psychology and you can't make a career out of it unless you study more, so will be able to get away again then.

    A little about her:
    -She turns the tv over if a black, Indian or Eastern European comes on TV. She screams 'knew it' before doing this every Wednesday when a certain news reporter is always on and swears a lot/ makes comments about 'another one being in our country' if they're Indian.
    - She was born in India and lived there for 7 years as a child, hates that other people move to the UK but seems to think it's ok for the British to go over to other countries whenever we like.
    - She thinks Hitler has the right idea, and he shouldn't have been so hated for having opinions - ignoring the blatant mass genocide that came with these!
    - She fully supports Trump, closing borders to Mexicans and the xenophobia towards muslims.
    - If she hears someone speaking Polish, Lithuanian etc in a supermarket she audibly huffs so that they hear and has even loudly pronounced they should be out of her country before.
    -- Belives being gay is okay but they shouldn't throw it in our faces (so really she believes it isn't ok, if they have to hide away), and gender dysmorphia and sex changes are caused by mental illness and not legitimate problems people have. As a psychology graduate, I couldn't disagree more.
    - Belives in the chemical castration of Africans, Chinese and Indians as a means of cpopiltion control.
    - Thinks disabled people should be killed at birth.

    Believe it or not, I'm actually quite close to her and have always been. But, I'm a very liberal person and could not care less about a persons sex, gender, colour, creed etc, and go from working at a school and embracing everyone's differences and encouraging people to be who they are, to coming home and having everything that should be accepted in the 21st century metaphorically **** on. It's really straining our relationship. I can try and ignore her thoughts and accept our differences, but when she's screaming bloody murder in public because someone in a hijab has walked past her it's hard! I understand it's someone's prerogative to have an opinion, but please can someone tell me that they are with me in believing opinions can be wrong?! She says I'm a bigot; surely the bigot is her?

    I just cannot get through to her that her views are not okay. I don't understand how someone like me could have come from someone like her!
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Sorry I can't seem to edit as it's anon. There are a few typos as it was hastily and angrily written.
    *Hitler had not has
    *population control.
    .. probs a few more.

    Sorry/thanks x
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    Yep she's crazy

    I'm a 17 yr old Muslim girl - unfortunately we've got used to the ******** and abuse we get from racists.
    Tbf I'd move out if I were you - going bk to uni seems a good idea and then u wont have to depend on her x

    I wear a hijab and let me tell u something about it
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    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey,

    So I have an awful mother and I just need some validation that I'm not crazy for thinking her views aren't appropriate, because she always reduces them down to opinions. And maybe some coping strategies because living at home is driving me mad.

    We argue basically everyday because I find her intolerable. I'd move out but I'm on barely 700 pounds a month (TA salary) and can't afford typical rent with my car, contact lenses, phone, petrol, food (I pay £100/month rent at home). I'm hoping to goi back to university in a couple of years to do my doctorate because I did psychology and you can't make a career out of it unless you study more, so will be able to get away again then.

    A little about her:
    -She turns the tv over if a black, Indian or Eastern European comes on TV. She screams 'knew it' before doing this every Wednesday when a certain news reporter is always on and swears a lot/ makes comments about 'another one being in our country' if they're Indian.
    - She was born in India and lived there for 7 years as a child, hates that other people move to the UK but seems to think it's ok for the British to go over to other countries whenever we like.
    - She thinks Hitler has the right idea, and he shouldn't have been so hated for having opinions - ignoring the blatant mass genocide that came with these!
    - She fully supports Trump, closing borders to Mexicans and the xenophobia towards muslims.
    - If she hears someone speaking Polish, Lithuanian etc in a supermarket she audibly huffs so that they hear and has even loudly pronounced they should be out of her country before.
    -- Belives being gay is okay but they shouldn't throw it in our faces (so really she believes it isn't ok, if they have to hide away), and gender dysmorphia and sex changes are caused by mental illness and not legitimate problems people have. As a psychology graduate, I couldn't disagree more.
    - Belives in the chemical castration of Africans, Chinese and Indians as a means of cpopiltion control.
    - Thinks disabled people should be killed at birth.

    Believe it or not, I'm actually quite close to her and have always been. But, I'm a very liberal person and could not care less about a persons sex, gender, colour, creed etc, and go from working at a school and embracing everyone's differences and encouraging people to be who they are, to coming home and having everything that should be accepted in the 21st century metaphorically **** on. It's really straining our relationship. I can try and ignore her thoughts and accept our differences, but when she's screaming bloody murder in public because someone in a hijab has walked past her it's hard! I understand it's someone's prerogative to have an opinion, but please can someone tell me that they are with me in believing opinions can be wrong?! She says I'm a bigot; surely the bigot is her?

    I just cannot get through to her that her views are not okay. I don't understand how someone like me could have come from someone like her!

    Your mother has just as much a right to her opinion and views as you do . We live in a free society with free speech . We used to live a country that was safe to grow up in (1950s-1970s ) but sadly that no longer applies .
    As for religious costume .....it has no place in British society as it serves no useful purpose and only serves to alienate people's attitudes.
    Don't forget either that the US voted for democratically for Trump so who are we to argue . The man is a legend .
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Your mother has just as much a right to her opinion and views as you do . We live in a free society with free speech . We used to live a country that was safe to grow up in (1950s-1970s ) but sadly that no longer applies .
    As for religious costume .....it has no place in British society as it serves no useful purpose and only serves to alienate people's attitudes.
    Don't forget either that the US voted for democratically for Trump so who are we to argue . The man is a legend .
    In what way is the country unsafe to grow up in?
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    I don’t discuss topical issues like this with my mother for this exact reason, we clash!!

    Like it or not she is entitled to express her opinions how she pleases in her own home. It sounds to me like you have grown to the age where living at home with parents becomes strained and unmanageable. My relationship with my parents was never awful, but improved a great deal when I moved out!!

    Your best bet is moving out, if that means going back to uni then so be it. What sector of psychology are you interested in pursuing?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey,

    So I have an awful mother and I just need some validation that I'm not crazy for thinking her views aren't appropriate, because she always reduces them down to opinions. And maybe some coping strategies because living at home is driving me mad.

    We argue basically everyday because I find her intolerable. I'd move out but I'm on barely 700 pounds a month (TA salary) and can't afford typical rent with my car, contact lenses, phone, petrol, food (I pay £100/month rent at home). I'm hoping to goi back to university in a couple of years to do my doctorate because I did psychology and you can't make a career out of it unless you study more, so will be able to get away again then.

    A little about her:
    -She turns the tv over if a black, Indian or Eastern European comes on TV. She screams 'knew it' before doing this every Wednesday when a certain news reporter is always on and swears a lot/ makes comments about 'another one being in our country' if they're Indian.
    - She was born in India and lived there for 7 years as a child, hates that other people move to the UK but seems to think it's ok for the British to go over to other countries whenever we like.
    - She thinks Hitler has the right idea, and he shouldn't have been so hated for having opinions - ignoring the blatant mass genocide that came with these!
    - She fully supports Trump, closing borders to Mexicans and the xenophobia towards muslims.
    - If she hears someone speaking Polish, Lithuanian etc in a supermarket she audibly huffs so that they hear and has even loudly pronounced they should be out of her country before.
    -- Belives being gay is okay but they shouldn't throw it in our faces (so really she believes it isn't ok, if they have to hide away), and gender dysmorphia and sex changes are caused by mental illness and not legitimate problems people have. As a psychology graduate, I couldn't disagree more.
    - Belives in the chemical castration of Africans, Chinese and Indians as a means of cpopiltion control.
    - Thinks disabled people should be killed at birth.

    Believe it or not, I'm actually quite close to her and have always been. But, I'm a very liberal person and could not care less about a persons sex, gender, colour, creed etc, and go from working at a school and embracing everyone's differences and encouraging people to be who they are, to coming home and having everything that should be accepted in the 21st century metaphorically **** on. It's really straining our relationship. I can try and ignore her thoughts and accept our differences, but when she's screaming bloody murder in public because someone in a hijab has walked past her it's hard! I understand it's someone's prerogative to have an opinion, but please can someone tell me that they are with me in believing opinions can be wrong?! She says I'm a bigot; surely the bigot is her?

    I just cannot get through to her that her views are not okay. I don't understand how someone like me could have come from someone like her!
    Let me put it this way, imagine she was someone else's mother, nan or auntie, who spouted such rubbish? What would you do to address her?

    I don't think it is okay for her to have such views against Jewish, black, muslim, homosexual or east europeans.

    A word of advice is for you to speak with her about it and strongly advise her to change. Not all people will calmly take such rubbish from her. Imagine, she makes a racist comment to a black, Jewish or Muslim person, who retaliates and strongly harms her. She may not live to change her ways.
    • #2
    #2

    [QUOTE=stoyfan;74436856]In what way is the country unsafe to grow up in?[/QUOT

    Compare the stats on slavery , knife crime , gun crime , violent crime and sex offences amongst certain groups of society to that experienced in the UK during the period I mentioned .
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    To be fair, her expressing her views is not harming the target of her intolerance. Your expressing your views is harming the target of your intolerance, your mother. Hence, you are arguably the bigot in this scenario. It does not change anything that the thing you are bigoted towards is deemed unacceptable by most in liberal society.

    Let her spout her views. It makes no difference to you.
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    Sounds like a bitter Anglo realising her time is up.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Your mother has just as much a right to her opinion and views as you do . We live in a free society with free speech . We used to live a country that was safe to grow up in (1950s-1970s ) but sadly that no longer applies .
    As for religious costume .....it has no place in British society as it serves no useful purpose and only serves to alienate people's attitudes.
    Don't forget either that the US voted for democratically for Trump so who are we to argue . The man is a legend .
    I don't think this is so much of a 'she has the right to her opinion/free speech' sort of thing. It's more about how these differences affect their relationship, as on a personal level they are very close. When a close family member holds such extreme views, this can cause a lot of internal conflict and emotional distress, so your response is less than helpful.

    And for the record, whether or not the Electoral College can be seen as truly 'democratic' is very much open for debate.


    (Original post by Notorious_B.I.G.)
    To be fair, her expressing her views is not harming the target of her intolerance. Your expressing your views is harming the target of your intolerance, your mother. Hence, you are arguably the bigot in this scenario. It does not change anything that the thing you are bigoted towards is deemed unacceptable by most in liberal society.

    Let her spout her views. It makes no difference to you.
    Even more ridiculous. Yes, on a legalistic level, racists should have the right to freedom of expression. But to denounce someone as 'bigoted' for legitimately being repulsed by such views is frankly absurd, especially when it concerns OP's mother. It absolutely does make a difference - and a very big one too!
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    You better just hold out and plan for your future before thinking of moving out, your mother clearly has major issues but you are in no position to move out. I find it a bit amusing that you think £100 is rent money, sometimes as children people really don't see the situation clearly and what their parents have to spend to live.
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    you won't be able to change your Mother's trenchant opinions. if you are forced to live with her then just use coping strategies.
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    (Original post by jambojim97)
    Even more ridiculous. Yes, on a legalistic level, racists should have the right to freedom of expression. But to denounce someone as 'bigoted' for legitimately being repulsed by such views is frankly absurd, especially when it concerns OP's mother. It absolutely does make a difference - and a very big one too!
    Look at the definition of the bigoted. Your being repulsed does not make you right, just as a racist's being repulsed at a mixed-race couple does not add credence to their argument.

    If you explain how it does make a difference, to dogmatically challenge the views of a woman who has had those views for several decades, then I am all ears. To me, it seems like it would achieve nothing other than give a power trip.
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    She has the right to her own opinion, as do you. Remember that and try to co-exist.
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    If you find it toxic to your wellbeing, get out of there to prevent it having an effect on you.
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    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by del1rious)
    I don’t discuss topical issues like this with my mother for this exact reason, we clash!!

    Like it or not she is entitled to express her opinions how she pleases in her own home. It sounds to me like you have grown to the age where living at home with parents becomes strained and unmanageable. My relationship with my parents was never awful, but improved a great deal when I moved out!!

    Your best bet is moving out, if that means going back to uni then so be it. What sector of psychology are you interested in pursuing?
    Thanks for replying! Our relationship got better when I went to university, but like you I can't seem to have a conversation with her about it. If I try and speak calmly about It and understand where the views stem from, she cant seem to actually discuss it or engage, gets defensive and throws insults. It's like talking to a brick wall.

    I want to do educational psychology! Another hot topic as apparently dyslexia, autism ans ADHD don't exist but are just laziness/stupidity, and in her day thy didn't need TAs, so my job is a bit of a joke to her...
    (Original post by Notorious_B.I.G.)
    To be fair, her expressing her views is not harming the target of her intolerance. Your expressing your views is harming the target of your intolerance, your mother. Hence, you are arguably the bigot in this scenario. It does not change anything that the thing you are bigoted towards is deemed unacceptable by most in liberal society.

    Let her spout her views. It makes no difference to you.
    That's not what bigotry is im afraid. It's blindly holding views and being unwilling to accept any differently. I can justify my views, explain the way I feel, engage in educational discussions and change my views with sufficient persuasion. She cannot and insults you if you question anything.
    The very fact hat I have friends of different races, religions and sexualities means that her 'opinions' are harmful.
    (Original post by Mancini)
    You better just hold out and plan for your future before thinking of moving out, your mother clearly has major issues but you are in no position to move out. I find it a bit amusing that you think £100 is rent money, sometimes as children people really don't see the situation clearly and what their parents have to spend to live.
    I know, I'm saving and will move out when I can. I know £100 is pitiful rent (I supported myself through university's by a couple of gap years where I saved and then student finance, so know the true cost of living), but my dad has paid off the mortgage and she has never felt the need to work so they don't need the money. I guess it's just a principle thing, but she's phrased it as a way of funding her cigarettes so I don't know.
    (Original post by unknown_usr)
    She has the right to her own opinion, as do you. Remember that and try to co-exist.
    An opinion to me is preferring red over blue, not supporting mass genocide. I'd like to understand why she feels the way she does, but it is impossible.
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Wired_1800)
    Let me put it this way, imagine she was someone else's mother, nan or auntie, who spouted such rubbish? What would you do to address her?

    I don't think it is okay for her to have such views against Jewish, black, muslim, homosexual or east europeans.

    A word of advice is for you to speak with her about it and strongly advise her to change. Not all people will calmly take such rubbish from her. Imagine, she makes a racist comment to a black, Jewish or Muslim person, who retaliates and strongly harms her. She may not live to change her ways.

    Yes....there is a danger of physical harm which should not be overlooked . I suppose in many ways it reflects and in some way justifies her fears and reasons for outrage against such groups of people . Many old people in more rural parts of the U.K. are equally suspicious of foreigners . Where we live it is extremely rare to see a Muslim or black person . I suppose it's rare these days , but that's the way it is . No doubt , the waves of 'cultural enrichment ' will one day darken the peace and solitude of our rural idyll . Sheep rustlers will soon have to learn how to become Halal butchers .....perish the thought .
    • #3
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    She sounds so vile and repulsive!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    .

    That's not what bigotry is im afraid. It's blindly holding views and being unwilling to accept any differently. I can justify my views, explain the way I feel, engage in educational discussions and change my views with sufficient persuasion. She cannot and insults you if you question anything.
    The very fact hat I have friends of different races, religions and sexualities means that her 'opinions' are harmful.
    Bigot. n

    A person who is intolerant towards those holding different opinions.

    https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/bigot

    Your point here is that you are smarter than her and yet she retains views opposite to your own. That still makes you the bigot, for wishing to put your foot down. I doubt when she is spewing her venom, her unreasoned appeals to Enoch Powell, and you're quoting Russell Brand and that lad out of JLS, you are not overly willing to consider her points.
 
 
 
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