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Comparing myself to his ex-girlfriend Watch

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    Hi,

    I've been with my boyfriend now for around 8 months, and known him for a little over a year. We started off as friends and it became a friendship-into-love kind of thing, and we're still together now. I love him, and he loves me. Before we got together, he was in a long term relationship with his ex-girlfriend of 1 and a half years, which they ended due to her cheating. He was in love with her, his first love and her cheating- it broke him to a point where he is no longer the person he was before. He treats me differently to her, but I know that he loves me, in a different way.

    Sometimes I cant help but compare myself to her. He doesn't say "I love you" to me or call me names like "baby" or "bae" very often, even though I know he loves me. Its because he says that you dont have to repeat something if its in the heart, which I understand, but I know he used to always tell his ex that he loves her, always calling her names like "baby" and such. He's also never posted a picture of me anywhere, and sometimes I feel like he's never going to love me as much as he loved her. Am I just over thinking?

    I know that he loves me, and I love him more than anything in the world. Is this bad, to compare myself to him? Should I be letting go and not comparing myself? I know that theres a reason i'm with him, that he's not with her anymore, and I know that he loves me too. How do I stop comparing myself? How do I stop over thinking?

    Thank you, any advise would be great.
    (PS. nothing is bad. I do not want to break up with him in anyway.)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    I've been with my boyfriend now for around 8 months, and known him for a little over a year. We started off as friends and it became a friendship-into-love kind of thing, and we're still together now. I love him, and he loves me. Before we got together, he was in a long term relationship with his ex-girlfriend of 1 and a half years, which they ended due to her cheating. He was in love with her, his first love and her cheating- it broke him to a point where he is no longer the person he was before. He treats me differently to her, but I know that he loves me, in a different way.

    Sometimes I cant help but compare myself to her. He doesn't say "I love you" to me or call me names like "baby" or "bae" very often, even though I know he loves me. Its because he says that you dont have to repeat something if its in the heart, which I understand, but I know he used to always tell his ex that he loves her, always calling her names like "baby" and such. He's also never posted a picture of me anywhere, and sometimes I feel like he's never going to love me as much as he loved her. Am I just over thinking?

    I know that he loves me, and I love him more than anything in the world. Is this bad, to compare myself to him? Should I be letting go and not comparing myself? I know that theres a reason i'm with him, that he's not with her anymore, and I know that he loves me too. How do I stop comparing myself? How do I stop over thinking?

    Thank you, any advise would be great.
    (PS. nothing is bad. I do not want to break up with him in anyway.)
    He probably and most likely does like and care for you based off of what you have typed. But alternatively it could just be because of what happened with his ex that he is holding back just a little bit, in terms of saying "babe, bae (yuck) or I love you". Just give him time to fully get over it and I'm sure with time he may either start saying these things to you more often. Alternatively, he could just be showing you he cares in different ways i.e. actions over sweet nothings like instead of saying he loves you etc. he takes you out somewhere nice or surprises you with something you like and mentioned before.


    *Edit just realized I didn't really answer your question of how to stop comparing yourself. That is easier said then done, but I'd say it is mostly down to confidence so you need to start believing in your own self-worth and trusting in your relationship. If it's bothering you that much then talk to him about your fears. If he truly cares he will try to understand what you are going through and try to comfort you and talk about why your fears are unfounded.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I think so, he told me that he usually just likes to show me in different ways. Do you think i’m just overreacting?
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    • #2
    #2

    I don't think you are overreacting tbh, it was his first love they are quite difficult to get over trust me. You should ask him why he doesn't treat you the same or even better tbh, from personal experience I wouldn't want to call you any pet names cause I'd be too afraid of making the same mistake twice and falling in love with someone all over again. He is emotionally and mentally scarred and you need to help him through it luv' patience is a virtue in relationships, it's a shame humans haven't got enough.
    • #3
    #3

    Still, 8 months is alot for him to still be acting this way. I was in the same position with my bf, thinking he loved his ex more and that she was better. I just waited for reassurance from him to say things like "I've never loved someone as much as you" etc.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    What happened in the end? Did he ever change?

    I know he loves me though, there’s no doubt about it
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    She probably did leave him with some issues when she cheated. He might think that it was his fault she cheated, therefore it must have been things he did like saying he loves her etc. He probably just needs time to get back to how he was. At least you know he definitely loves you.
    • #3
    #3

    Yeah he changed 😊 love grows more and more, that the past becomes irrelevant
 
 
 
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