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    Recently I started getting to know my housemates friends and we were at one of their houses on Friday for pre-drinks before heading into town. He lives with his ex (but it's very complicated) and 2 others. I barely knew anyone there so I was just sat awkwardly because I didn't even know peoples names. Anyway the guys ex made everyone go around and say their name so she knew who we were (even though I was the only one she didn't know). My housemate told me a lot of bad stories about the messed up things she's done and some of them were quite bad. However on the night out she was talking to me quite a lot and at one point kept sharing her drink with me. She then put her arm around me and moved me away from my friends and started dancing with me and it was just me and her. I was tempted to go for it and kiss her but because of what my housemate told me about her and because she is the ex of one of my new friends I didn't bother and I walked away.

    Do you think I should have went for it to see what could happen or not?
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    (Original post by michael1010)
    Recently I started getting to know my housemates friends and we were at one of their houses on Friday for pre-drinks before heading into town. He lives with his ex (but it's very complicated) and 2 others. I barely knew anyone there so I was just sat awkwardly because I didn't even know peoples names. Anyway the guys ex made everyone go around and say their name so she knew who we were (even though I was the only one she didn't know). My housemate told me a lot of bad stories about the messed up things she's done and some of them were quite bad. However on the night out she was talking to me quite a lot and at one point kept sharing her drink with me. She then put her arm around me and moved me away from my friends and started dancing with me and it was just me and her. I was tempted to go for it and kiss her but because of what my housemate told me about her and because she is the ex of one of my new friends I didn't bother and I walked away.

    Do you think I should have went for it to see what could happen or not?
    It was a good choice to avoid the kiss in my opinion, the stories may be false and just exagerations so it is best to get to know her a bit better first. But if the stories were true and you get into a relationship with her it might end up going wrong.
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    (Original post by Yip9090)
    It was a good choice to avoid the kiss in my opinion, the stories may be false and just exagerations so it is best to get to know her a bit better first. But if the stories were true and you get into a relationship with her it might end up going wrong.
    Yeah but I doubt I will actually see her again anyway since she doesn't normally go out with us and we don't normally pre-drink at their house.
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    Does anyone else have any advice or opinions?
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    It really depends on what the things that she did were. Like, were they illegal, or unfaithful...? And how long ago did she do these things, and what might've been the reason behind the things she did, and has she changed since she did what she did?
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    (Original post by Wary_Mouse)
    It really depends on what the things that she did were. Like, were they illegal, or unfaithful...? And how long ago did she do these things, and what might've been the reason behind the things she did, and has she changed since she did what she did?
    She accused the guy of doing things he didn't do (hurting her etc) among a few other things such as possessive behaviour. It was all fairly recently and I don't know if she's changed since I've only met her once
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    (Original post by michael1010)
    She accused the guy of doing things he didn't do (hurting her etc) among a few other things such as possessive behaviour. It was all fairly recently and I don't know if she's changed since I've only met her once
    Ah, I see.

    Well, I'd say that you should definitely pursue a relationship with her if that's what you really want.

    Many girls can come across as 'possessive' and 'clingy' in relationships. But really, this can be fixed and break-ups aren't always necessary in these cases. If you do get with her, and the girl becomes very possessive, then all you need to do is sit down with her and have a chat about it. One of my biggest regrets from my former relationship was not talking things out with the guy.

    Also, remember - there are two sides to every relationship story. You have only heard your mate's side of the story. I'm not directly calling him a liar, but there is certainly a good chance that he is inventing the part about his ex inventing stuff up. If there's any way that you could bring up the topic of their past relationship with her, then maybe you could find out her side of the story. In all honestly, there's a good chance that both your mate and the girl are exaggerating how things really were, as most people tend to do after a break-up because people are always very emotional at that point. You said all of this happened recently, yes?

    I know this as a fact, as both my ex and I have exaggerated our sides of the story at times to our friends and peers.
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    But, just a warning: If this was all very recent, then there's a good chance that the girl is just looking for a rebound relationship to fill the hole in her heart that your friend left.

    I'm not saying that this is definitely the case, though. How recent exactly was the break-up?
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    (Original post by Wary_Mouse)
    But, just a warning: If this was all very recent, then there's a good chance that the girl is just looking for a rebound relationship to fill the hole in her heart that your friend left.

    I'm not saying that this is definitely the case, though. How recent exactly was the break-up?
    It was around a month ago and it was her that ended the relationship.
    And most of the stuff wasn't exaggerated because some of their housemates told us exactly what happened.
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    (Original post by michael1010)
    It was around a month ago and it was her that ended the relationship.
    And most of the stuff wasn't exaggerated because some of their housemates told us exactly what happened.
    And do you particularly want a relationship with this girl? Or are you just looking for a relationship in general?
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    (Original post by Wary_Mouse)
    And do you particularly want a relationship with this girl? Or are you just looking for a relationship in general?
    A relationship in general really but, I don't really know how to explain it but when I met her there was something about her that intrigued me I guess so yeah I guess I'd like to see what could happen between us
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    (Original post by michael1010)
    A relationship in general really but, I don't really know how to explain it but when I met her there was something about her that intrigued me I guess so yeah I guess I'd like to see what could happen between us
    If you would like to see what would happen, then go and see. Don't entirely rely on what your mate says about her, though. Get to know her for yourself.
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    (Original post by Wary_Mouse)
    If you would like to see what would happen, then go and see. Don't entirely rely on what your mate says about her, though. Get to know her for yourself.
    Yeah but the thing is, all my mates that night told me to stay away from her. If I actually end up seeing her again, which I doubt anyway since I don't think I'll be back at her house drinking anytime soon, if I talk to her and see what happens I think all my mates will react badly which would make things awkward between me and them which would mean I probably wouldn't be going out with them again so I would probably need to consider that.
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    (Original post by michael1010)
    Yeah but the thing is, all my mates that night told me to stay away from her. If I actually end up seeing her again, which I doubt anyway since I don't think I'll be back at her house drinking anytime soon, if I talk to her and see what happens I think all my mates will react badly which would make things awkward between me and them which would mean I probably wouldn't be going out with them again so I would probably need to consider that.
    I understand how you feel. But if they really are your mates then they won't cut you off just because they might disapprove of your girlfriend. You can't always control how you feel about somebody, so I'm sure they'll still understand.

    But maybe you should think this over. If you do have your doubts about what others might think of the relationship, then maybe your feelings aren't quite as strong for this girl as you think that they are. I wouldn't let my friends' opinions get in the way of love, and whilst that isn't always the smartest thing, the opinions of others really shouldn't matter overall.
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    If your friend is living with his ex, then maybe she isn't that bad after all to be around. Have you considered that?
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    (Original post by Wary_Mouse)
    If your friend is living with his ex, then maybe she isn't that bad after all to be around. Have you considered that?
    Her bad behaviour started in September but they signed for the house months before that
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    (Original post by michael1010)
    Her bad behaviour started in September but they signed for the house months before that
    Oh, I see. So they aren't living together intentionally.

    Still, do think things through. Stop by at your mate's place maybe, and spend some time with this girl and get to know her in the day.
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    (Original post by Wary_Mouse)
    Oh, I see. So they aren't living together intentionally.

    Still, do think things through. Stop by at your mate's place maybe, and spend some time with this girl and get to know her in the day.
    I would but it would seem weird since he isn't really a good friend and I've only met him a couple of times. He is more a friend of my housemate
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    (Original post by michael1010)
    I would but it would seem weird since he isn't really a good friend and I've only met him a couple of times. He is more a friend of my housemate
    Ah, ok. Do you have this girl's number? If the two of you were about to kiss, then there are definitely some feelings there. If you text her or do run into her again, ask her out on a little date.
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    (Original post by Wary_Mouse)
    Ah, ok. Do you have this girl's number? If the two of you were about to kiss, then there are definitely some feelings there. If you text her or do run into her again, ask her out on a little date.
    Nope I don't have her number so I guess I just have to hope I meet her again. I think we were about to kiss. I'm not certain but she did move me away from my friends to dance with me and had her arm around me for a while.
 
 
 
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