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Constantly feeling lonely and empty. Watch

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    I'm 21 years old. I am a Pakistani. I live at home with my parents and 3 siblings (two brothers 32, 28 and one sister 22 she has disabilities). But I don't really have conversations with them.. My parents are from Pakistan so we don't really have the same mentality. My brothers and I have a massive age gap so there's not much we have in common or talk about and my sister has disabilities and learning difficulties so it's just not the same with her, I can't conversate with her. I try to keep myself busy but when I find that I have nothing to do, it all hits me.. How lonely I actually feel. Because we aren't close as a family and it has been like this for as long as I can remember, I don't really want to get close to them either. I just feel like I'm stuck in this situation.. This house doesn't feel like a home and these people don't feel like a family majority of the time... I keep myself to myself.. They have no idea what's going on in my life and I have no intention of getting close to them either. Because I'm Pakistani and a girl, it would be hard for me to just move out before marriage. What do I do? Why am I in this position? Why do I feel so alone? There's only so much you can talk to your friends.. at the end of the day, you gotta go back to your house.. it's just not a place I look forward to coming back to.
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    plenty of Asians feeling the same way
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    try taking up a new hobby with your brother so you have something in common?

    do more family outings to get closer to them
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    plenty of Asians feeling the same way
    Why's that the case?
    (Original post by squeak)
    try taking up a new hobby with your brother so you have something in common?

    do more family outings to get closer to them
    They're too busy with work. also my family doesn't like going on outings/ it's hard with my sister.. plus they take the fun out of it so I'd rather not.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Why's that the case?

    They're too busy with work. also my family doesn't like going on outings/ it's hard with my sister.. plus they take the fun out of it so I'd rather not.

    what about in the evenings? what about doing a weekday film night where you all get together, and take it in turns to choose a film. or have a board game night..just simple things that might take the strain of having to talk to them but allows you to spend time with them.
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    Lol you're in a pretty comfortable situation for an Asian then.
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    (Original post by squeak)
    what about in the evenings? what about doing a weekday film night where you all get together, and take it in turns to choose a film. or have a board game night..just simple things that might take the strain of having to talk to them but allows you to spend time with them.
    lol nah they just prefer doing their own things. it's sad really. cause I feel like I have no one to talk to. but oh well
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    lol nah they just prefer doing their own things. it's sad really. cause I feel like I have no one to talk to. but oh well
    tell them this?
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    (Original post by squeak)
    tell them this?
    no point.. it's come to a stage where we've become too distant to solve anything..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no point.. it's come to a stage where we've become too distant to solve anything..
    if you're not even close will they even mind if you move out?

    don't stay if you're unhappy
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    Move out. It's 2017 you can do what you please, there's no reason to wait till marriage. You'll just end up miserable for the rest of your life if you don't break free. You'll end up like your parents, with children as miserable as you are now. Would you want that?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 years old. I am a Pakistani. I live at home with my parents and 3 siblings (two brothers 32, 28 and one sister 22 she has disabilities). But I don't really have conversations with them.. My parents are from Pakistan so we don't really have the same mentality. My brothers and I have a massive age gap so there's not much we have in common or talk about and my sister has disabilities and learning difficulties so it's just not the same with her, I can't conversate with her. I try to keep myself busy but when I find that I have nothing to do, it all hits me.. How lonely I actually feel. Because we aren't close as a family and it has been like this for as long as I can remember, I don't really want to get close to them either. I just feel like I'm stuck in this situation.. This house doesn't feel like a home and these people don't feel like a family majority of the time... I keep myself to myself.. They have no idea what's going on in my life and I have no intention of getting close to them either. Because I'm Pakistani and a girl, it would be hard for me to just move out before marriage. What do I do? Why am I in this position? Why do I feel so alone? There's only so much you can talk to your friends.. at the end of the day, you gotta go back to your house.. it's just not a place I look forward to coming back to.
    I know lots of people are going to tell you to just move out, but as a Pakistani myself, I understand your situation

    As bad as it sounds, the best you can do is look to get married. Of course, don’t just marry any random guy with these intentions, just put yourself out there and find someone you are interested in (easier said than done I know). If you’re in uni etc. there should be plenty of guys around as long as you join societies
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 21 years old. I am a Pakistani. I live at home with my parents and 3 siblings (two brothers 32, 28 and one sister 22 she has disabilities). But I don't really have conversations with them.. My parents are from Pakistan so we don't really have the same mentality. My brothers and I have a massive age gap so there's not much we have in common or talk about and my sister has disabilities and learning difficulties so it's just not the same with her, I can't conversate with her. I try to keep myself busy but when I find that I have nothing to do, it all hits me.. How lonely I actually feel. Because we aren't close as a family and it has been like this for as long as I can remember, I don't really want to get close to them either. I just feel like I'm stuck in this situation.. This house doesn't feel like a home and these people don't feel like a family majority of the time... I keep myself to myself.. They have no idea what's going on in my life and I have no intention of getting close to them either. Because I'm Pakistani and a girl, it would be hard for me to just move out before marriage. What do I do? Why am I in this position? Why do I feel so alone? There's only so much you can talk to your friends.. at the end of the day, you gotta go back to your house.. it's just not a place I look forward to coming back to.

    Ever considered joining the armed forces?
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    I’m not a Pakistani and don’t really have this problem with my family but I can understand. If you’re a Muslim then remember that family is very important in Islam and you should try your best to respect, be kind and think good of your parents. I know it’s difficult for you, but please keep striving and think positively.

    I would advise you not to not give up on your family, especially your parents. Try to make the effort of communicating with them more and to understand them, even if they don’t make any effort back. Try to be one who initiates the conversations, you never know with time you may just make a difference and you may feel or get closer to them. Help them , support them and focus on the positives (there must be something you like or appreciate about your family?). Hopefully, they will realise and appreciate it one day- if they don’t then know and feel good that you’re doing all you can from your side and that hopefully you’ll be rewarded with good. Talk to your parents calmly about how you feel, just give it a try? I’m sure they care and love you although they may not express it so openly. Perhaps you can make a change and bring your family closer, you never know. Please be patient with them and the situation you are in. Don’t lose hope!

    Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk
    • #4
    #4

    ngl i was in the exact same position... but i kinda had to force myself to become closer to my older brothers even tho we had 6 years age gap and i realised how much more mature i was and how much we had in common. and with my parents, more so with my mum i just showed her lots of love! she wasn't used to it at first because of where shes from shes quite reserved and stuff but i kept smiling at her and hugging her randomly even when i was upset and talked to her more and more and now shes changed alot! shes alot more open about herself and her feelings and shows more affection and love in general to us all . its all about your attitude and even tho its hard trust me ive been there sometimes YOU have to make all the effort until others notice and do the same back. also keep being consistent and be there for your family when they want someone although they may not say it. feel free to inbox me or reply to this and ill inbox u to tell you in more depth of what you can do because i feel like we have a lot more in common when it comes to family issues .
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ngl i was in the exact same position... but i kinda had to force myself to become closer to my older brothers even tho we had 6 years age gap and i realised how much more mature i was and how much we had in common. and with my parents, more so with my mum i just showed her lots of love! she wasn't used to it at first because of where shes from shes quite reserved and stuff but i kept smiling at her and hugging her randomly even when i was upset and talked to her more and more and now shes changed alot! shes alot more open about herself and her feelings and shows more affection and love in general to us all . its all about your attitude and even tho its hard trust me ive been there sometimes YOU have to make all the effort until others notice and do the same back. also keep being consistent and be there for your family when they want someone although they may not say it. feel free to inbox me or reply to this and ill inbox u to tell you in more depth of what you can do because i feel like we have a lot more in common when it comes to family issues .
    thanks for the advice. are you able to inbox me?
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    (Original post by h333)
    I’m not a Pakistani and don’t really have this problem with my family but I can understand. If you’re a Muslim then remember that family is very important in Islam and you should try your best to respect, be kind and think good of your parents. I know it’s difficult for you, but please keep striving and think positively.

    I would advise you not to not give up on your family, especially your parents. Try to make the effort of communicating with them more and to understand them, even if they don’t make any effort back. Try to be one who initiates the conversations, you never know with time you may just make a difference and you may feel or get closer to them. Help them , support them and focus on the positives (there must be something you like or appreciate about your family?). Hopefully, they will realise and appreciate it one day- if they don’t then know and feel good that you’re doing all you can from your side and that hopefully you’ll be rewarded with good. Talk to your parents calmly about how you feel, just give it a try? I’m sure they care and love you although they may not express it so openly. Perhaps you can make a change and bring your family closer, you never know. Please be patient with them and the situation you are in. Don’t lose hope!

    Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk
    thank you really appreciate it
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    Hugs for you!

    Try to see the positives and first change within yourself if you want others to change. As another user stated, maybe you could open up, initiate conversations and generally be more helpful?

    You could also take up hobbies, join clubs based on your interests, see what activities are on in your local area.

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
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    (Original post by Analyst89)
    Hugs for you!

    Try to see the positives and first change within yourself if you want others to change. As another user stated, maybe you could open up, initiate conversations and generally be more helpful?

    You could also take up hobbies, join clubs based on your interests, see what activities are on in your local area.

    Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
    Much appreciated
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    thank you really appreciate it
    No problem, hope your situation improves
 
 
 
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