So I decided to take a gap year within a month of starting my uni course because I couldn't cope! I was so anxious about feeling lonely and isolated that when the work started coming in I couldn't face it and dropped out!i do not regret it one bit because I clearly wasn't ready but I can't quite figure out exactly why, and how to solve it so I can apply next year knowing I will be able to get through it and not drop out again!
The course I was doing I still really want to do so I don't think it was that, a month before uni, I went to Nicaragua for three months and was split from my twin sister so I don't see why it could have been homesick? Although I did feel extremely homesick at uni!! But I was closer to home?? I just don't understand! My dad moved house with his girlfriend so I never really had my home to go back to which made me feel quite isolated so I guess that could be it.... but anyway my sister decorated a whole new room for me to move in and I felt so much better and settled, I also went back to my work to work full time there and I'm now on a pretty good wage!
However this is my dilemma, my twin sister came to visit me and we were talking about me maybe doing camp America! While she was here I was actually really excited to get a phone interview and start the process of applying, however now she has left I feel HORRIBLE about it, I get that isolated lonely feeling I got when I was at univeristy as I guess I'm terrified of committing to something and dropping out and paying so much for it! In fact I felt like crying the next day after having the interview.
I would absolutely love to go to America and I have always wanted to go but I get such a terrible feeling when actually going to do it! Like I said I have done Nicaragua( without my twin ) so I don't know what's going on😭 Part of me is saying 'stop dropping out of everything and just go for it, it will be amazing and make you a better person' but part of me is saying ' you obviously aren't ready for it after quite a bad experience at uni'. Also if I'm going to pay all this money to go to America I feel I should be one hundred percent sure about it!! And actually excited rather than feeling so anxious I want to cry!! and I can't help but think I just need to settle with my big sister, work to get some money and gain my confidence back!! But will I gain my confidence back by just staying with my sister in the same job and not meeting new people? Although I meet people every day by serving customers!! Ah I'm just so unsettled and confused because Iv grown up such a confident sociable person and never really had troubles! I feel like I need to just find myself again really, honestly though I have no idea what I need and I'm hoping someone can help me decide what I should do!! Any advice would be enourmously appreciated
Gap year, anxious about uni and travelling and so unsettled! Watch
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