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Ex story... NEED advice! watch
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Last edited by Topsyturvy90; 08-11-2017 at 17:50.
- 08-11-2017 10:32
- 08-11-2017 10:42
Are you a male or a female? I only ask because generally the different genders take break ups differently. The best advice I can give you is focus on yourself and not your ex. If she/he is with someone else... who cares? You need to focus on your self and develop yourself personally. Become a better person, start going out and do what you enjoy like hobbies and going to the gym. Read books work on your career or start your own business, find happiness in your life when you are single before you get into another relationship because you don't want your partner to be your happiness, thats not healthy and if you break up it will ruin you. However if you're happy before getting into a relationship, you have a well rounded life and goals if you break up or be rejected it won't effect you as much. Whatever your ex is doing thats none of your business now, that version you new of him/her is GONE, it doesnt exist anymore. I've got back with girls after a huge break up and it's never been the same, it's like that version dies of them.
The best way to move on is to accept it dont be bitter!! Just work on your personal development and do things you enjoy, hope this helps.
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(Original post by Topsyturvy90)
- 08-11-2017 10:57
My ex and I were together for nearly 3 yrs of ups and mostly downs.
We met when we were both in college and met online on a dating website. When we met, everything was great and we fell in love really quickly. We became engaged, lived together (in their house) and planned our future. We split bills and I also helped raise their daughter together and was there from when they were a toddler to being in school.
We split up a few times in the whole of our relationship. The first time we got back together, second time they were talking to someone new and slept with them really quickly, it took me a while to forgive them as it happened very fast, they then told me they loved me and I still did too so we got back together again. The last was the final time.
A bit into the background of the relationship; my ex started off very sweet and charming, but it took me a while to get the truth and their feelings out of them and eventually they started opening up. My ex was in loads of debt and kept it quiet. They lied to me when payments had been missed (I was just trying to put them in the right direction and help them.) they got so angry sometimes and stressed over the smallest things.
My ex also lashed out at me a fair few times in the relationship. They spat on me, hit me and pushed me into walls. I stayed because I loved them and I know it was wrong. They were very angry and it was hard to calm down after an argument, they also shouted at me in front of the kid.
They weren’t interested in my work. I paid for most things in our relationship. I put in loads of hours at work to furnish our house and they didn’t show much gratitude at all, sometimes a thanks but it was never heartfelt or sincere. I feel that they manipulated me also, if I went out to buy myself things if I had worked really hard - I would feel obliged to buy them things for the sake of it as I feel they got jealous if they couldn’t afford to go shopping. I always made sure they and their child were alright and I was very generous. I did it because I loved them.
I became stressed, angry and anxious. They also sometimes made me feel guilty sometimes for going out with my friends if they didn’t have plans.I was supposed to drop everything to listen to them, answer their calls or texts and listen about their work but when I did they didn’t give me the time of day or it wasn’t really listened to.
It became very atmospheric. I wasn’t a saint, but I never reacted without a reason. I was moody and snappy due to how I felt in the relationship. I never hit them (excluding self defence only, it takes a lot to make me that angry.)
Our relationship ended 7 weeks ago after a massive fight. I haven’t seen them since. We were in contact up until 5 weeks ago. I have blocked them off of everything. They told me they were confused, upset, couldn’t sleep, were hurt and that none of their friends or family cared about their situation. A week and a half after the break up they are on a dating site as they want to meet new people and they feel alone (I’m pretty sure they went on it the week we broke up.) That weekend after two weeks of being broken up they go on a date with someone. I’ve been told by a mutual friend that after 4 weeks of knowing them they are already in a relationship with them.
I don’t understand how someone can move on so quickly after all of that. I’m staying single, reaching out to friends and spending time with my family, healing and getting through it and they moved on faster than the speed of light whilst I still have days I feel depressed.
Has anyone else been in this situation after being in a toxic relationship? I feel like I’ve been forgotten about - bare in mind I worry about the kid as we had such a strong bond and now someone new in the picture may just confuse him. It’s just such a mess.
I am VERY happy it’s over. I have blocked them from everything online and I’m mentally better and I don’t dread them speaking to me like I did towards the end of the relationship.
What I AM struggling with is my mind - that in my mind they are happy in this relationship and will treat this person better than I. I’m here picking up the pieces, adjusting to life that I have had to change due to moving out, rebuilding my friendships as they fell whilst with them, being away from the kid and adjusting to life in another town. They got to stay where they are and live the same life, just without me and with someone else so soon.
I just think that after two weeks after a breakup you are naturally upset. After them claiming how upset and depressed you they are.
I went through so much with this person and I feel like my mind’s telling me they’re really happy and loving life whilst I am trying to get better.