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British Asian girl, expected to marry. Should i go for medicine? Watch

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    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
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    Plenty of doctors with families.
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    (Original post by SGHD26716)
    Plenty of doctors with families.
    starting a family though and getting into new relationship with someone i wont really know. added the roles and responsibilities of a british asian woman in the family. Dare i say, probably cooking cleaning child minding.
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    Plenty of asian women become doctors! Just look at medic campuses when you visit, you won't be able to miss it.

    More importantly, you can be married, be a doctor and have kids - it is not easy, though, but that is true of most professions. As for your parents, they will learn very quickly what your schedule is like once they see you studying and hear about your life and hear about your schedule once you get to hospital.

    As for the degree choice itself, I strongly suggest you choose a degree that you want to do - that is the best way to guarantee a good 2:1 or 1st, and thus to guarantee a good career.

    Finally, remember that one of the benefits of living in the UK (as opposed to certain countries) is that you have the freedom to choose who to marry and when to marry. I know that arranged marriages, when done properly, can produce happy, lifelong partnerships, so I am not against them per se. But what I would suggest is that being British means that you have choices that other women do not. Family pressure is tough to deal with but I can guarantee that marrying the wrong person, having kids and then getting divorced, is far worse!

    I'd spend your time working out what degree you really want to do first. The rest will happen over time.
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    starting a family though and getting into new relationship with someone i wont really know. added the roles and responsibilities of a british asian woman in the family. Dare i say, probably cooking cleaning child minding.
    I understand that. Obviously you’ll need to talk about this beforehand. There’s plenty of female doctors who have children though - it’s not impossible. Not much else I can add.
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    starting a family though and getting into new relationship with someone i wont really know. added the roles and responsibilities of a british asian woman in the family. Dare i say, probably cooking cleaning child minding.
    Go become a doctor, do what you want and be successful.

    Plenty of families manage it. You live in the UK you don't have to do anything you don't want to... apart from pay tax
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
    I’m bengali FYI and trust me, first and foremost pursue medicine and become a doctor. The honour/ pride not only for yourself but for your parents and the Islamic reward is unbelievable. In regards to marriage, as a doctor , it’s more than likely you will find a partner from a strong academic background and so it won’t be an issue because of how career orientated the couple will be, meaning any potential family and kids will be generally later. I’m sure you will find a loving hori 😂😂 and family.
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    (Original post by Ninja Squirrel)
    Go become a doctor, do what you want and be successful.

    Plenty of families manage it. You live in the UK you don't have to do anything you don't want to... apart from pay tax
    How many years before it gets well payed thoughhh
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    (Original post by SherlockD)
    I’m bengali FYI and trust me, first and foremost pursue medicine and become a doctor. The honour/ pride not only for yourself but for your parents and the Islamic reward is unbelievable. In regards to marriage, as a doctor , it’s more than likely you will find a partner from a strong academic background and so it won’t be an issue because of how career orientated the couple will be, meaning any potential family and kids will be generally later. I’m sure you will find a loving hori 😂😂 and family.
    Lool thanks girl needed to hear this, and all true to be honest. Sometimes i need to remind myself that the islamic reward should rule over anything else that plants seeds of doubt in my mind.. x
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    (Original post by EagleLegal)
    Plenty of asian women become doctors! Just look at medic campuses when you visit, you won't be able to miss it.

    More importantly, you can be married, be a doctor and have kids - it is not easy, though, but that is true of most professions. As for your parents, they will learn very quickly what your schedule is like once they see you studying and hear about your life and hear about your schedule once you get to hospital.

    As for the degree choice itself, I strongly suggest you choose a degree that you want to do - that is the best way to guarantee a good 2:1 or 1st, and thus to guarantee a good career.

    Finally, remember that one of the benefits of living in the UK (as opposed to certain countries) is that you have the freedom to choose who to marry and when to marry. I know that arranged marriages, when done properly, can produce happy, lifelong partnerships, so I am not against them per se. But what I would suggest is that being British means that you have choices that other women do not. Family pressure is tough to deal with but I can guarantee that marrying the wrong person, having kids and then getting divorced, is far worse!

    I'd spend your time working out what degree you really want to do first. The rest will happen over time.
    Thanks so much for your lengthy reply just what i needed to hear Luckily I do have the biggest say in the matter regarding marriage according to my father but if theres someone they really like and i turn him down they really really will not be happy. Thats a whole other topic of convo though and is just too stressful for me to be considering yet.. or ever lol x
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    i have unfortunately seen many women doctors who finish their medicine and never practice.... read the bbc article below

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-34042751

    you should not end up becoming one of these as you will end up wasting a place for medicine for which there is crazy competition.

    and also

    waste money being spent by NHS on you as your education is heavily subsidised.

    DON'T get me wrong, I am not discouraging you from doing Medicine. As you rightly put it, it is a challenging lifestyle and only if you have a firm resolve to practice it post-uni, it is worth doing it...
    otherwise its a waste of a place and money.
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    Do YOU actually want to study medicine?
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
    You don't marry someone because your parents want you to. There'll likely be no love there if you do.
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    You can do part time as a doctor.
    Find a man who will accept and support you during your journey.
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
    My old GP was an Asian woman with children and she managed fine through a long career and now she's just retired. It's definitely possible to be a doctor and get married/have a family and plus think of all the support that will be out there for you - your family or your future husband's family would probably love to help look after the childcare or there's also childminders and once you're earning a decent wage if you're really struggling at home you could hire a cleaner to come once a week or so! And don't forget marriage is a partnership, just because you were raised traditionally it doesn't mean that's how you have to go on. Your husband can do housework and childcare too, more so if his job isn't as intense as yours!!

    (Original post by Beautystyle12)
    You can do part time as a doctor.
    Find a man who will accept and support you during your journey.
    Also this, a number of GPs at my current surgery only do a couple of days per week.
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    Becoming a doctor should be your first priority if that's what you want to achieve! It'll be challenging if you marry and the husband expects you to cook and clean for him as well as work. Generally, in those traditional, religious marriage set ups, the men just work, whilst the woman looks after the house, but now women work, in some situations, they're still expected to do all the chores and raise children. It can be very one sided in those 'relationships'. If you're happy to marry the men people have chosen for you, then I'd ask him what he is expecting from you as a wife and explain your desire to work as a doctor. He may be happy to share the chores and raising children, but if he isn't, then that's something to seriously think about.
    If you have the choice to delay the marriage or maybe have free will to actually choose who you marry, then I'd do that.

    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
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    Asian parents just want their children to go into medicine as it helps with getting married more easily thats why you will see so many asian girls graduating from medical universities and never work
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    1) Do YOU actually want to do it? Medicine is grueling and you don't get paid much, the only satisfaction is helping people

    2) Don't let your parents run your life like that. It's not worth it.
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
    I have quite a few asian female friends who are currently working as junior doctors and have recently gone through an arranged marriage. They have coped with it well, are supported by their family and friends and seem to be enjoying the balance between work and life. It's certainly not impossible.

    (Original post by mkshyderabad)
    i have unfortunately seen many women doctors who finish their medicine and never practice.... read the bbc article below

    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-34042751
    I think the post above is far more important to be honest. Do you want to study medicine? Do you think you will enjoy it, and do you want to practice as a doctor?

    I am also a young asian female and am aware of the pressures from some British Asian families about going into a 'good' career.
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    (Original post by SGHD26716)
    Plenty of doctors with families.
    Kante :wink2:
 
 
 
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