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British Asian girl, expected to marry. Should i go for medicine? Watch

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    (Original post by joyoustele)
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
    Some people can and some can’t, know one knows you and your capabilities better than you do. I’d take some to to myself to think things through and whether I honestly could do it or not. Another matter to be considered might be whether I should even if I could and the impact being away, little quality time would have. I might wonder if I could go back to it later on.
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    Perhaps you should aim to marry a fellow doctor; your combined income would ensure a comfortable family life as that develops after perhaps 10 years.
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    Hi! British Pakistani here😂 I come from a traditional family but I am a feminist and my views on life have changed greatly since my ignorance a few years back, and my parents have always supported me in them. First and foremost is your career my friend. Pursue medicine and become a doctor! Why should you have to sacrifice your dreams and your parents dream for a marriage, which trust me won't be to an educated man unless you're a dentist or doctor? Dentistry is coming close to the end of its shelf life as the ideal career for Asian women and I say this with passion, there's more to us Asian women than cooking and cleaning! As far as I know, I have been born equal to my male counterparts and so I'm not going to spend my years at uni working hard and becoming independent and then end my career to look after kids and clean the house. I'm going to go and work as a doctor and live my dream every day and that's what you should do too. After all, think about this situation, what if you get married and then your husband turns out to be an addict or an abusive devil and both of you get divorced what are u going to do to support urself and ur kids? Claim benefits and live a life where you're always taunted by society and pitied? If in this situation you're a doctor and this happens u can live a life of dignity and happiness, supporting yourself and giving ur kids a great life. Sorry for the huge rant but I just wanted to make it clear that we as women have rights dreams and most importantly the right to live our dreams. First and foremost is your career and pleasing ur parents. Hope this helps and don't stress about the future xx
    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
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    Do you actually want to get married? Tell your parents you're too busy to marry and might think about about it once you have settled into your new and stressful career. Why are Asian families so obsessed with marriage? I mean its not everything in life, and being a doctor should be your number one priority. I don't come from one so i dont really understand how it works lol
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    to make a serious go of your career you'd almost certainly need to delay kids until at the very least your late 20s, to get qualified and established.

    other than that no issue.

    being a GP is actually very family friendly because part time work is so common.
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    Do you want to be a doctor? If so, put your dreams first, go for medicine!

    There will always be a way to work around your future schedule, whether that involves childcare, juggling responsibilities with your partner or even getting your parents to help out! With any luck, the person you marry will be more forward thinking than the previous generation and won't expect you to handle every single part of the home and family as well as your career. Every relationship should be balanced.
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    I am not Asian but I am a doctor and I do have a family. I got married at 25 at the start of my F2 year. I had my son in my second year of GP training (28) and it has worked fine.
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    added the roles and responsibilities of a british asian woman in the family.
    Stereotypes are us, but there are some Asian men who treat their wives likes slaves. If you end up with one of them, medicine isn't really going to be practical. But if you can get one who will accept that medicine is rather a time-eater, then it can work.
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    Go into medicine, you can very easily go part time in medicine after early years.
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    starting a family though and getting into new relationship with someone i wont really know. added the roles and responsibilities of a british asian woman in the family. Dare i say, probably cooking cleaning child minding.
    Marry someone who is prepared to share these responsibilities.
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    (Original post by tasniaahad)
    Coming from a traditional yet modern ishe british asian (bengali fyi) background, I would be the first doctor in my close family if i chose to pursue medicine however my parents have always and will always be set on me becoming a doctor so they dont see the reality which is that they themselves will want me to marry around age 23/4 or atleast straight after i graduate. Even if i am to marry later (27 ish), i dont think they (or i really) understand whether being a junior doctor will be way too much hassle juggling a marriage and possible family in the mix too. Any asians who can help me out lol? is family life literally impossible if i choose medicine which i have now realised is less of a career choice and more of a lifestyle. Do i need to reevaluate and talk some sense hard as it will be into my parents, do you genuinely think it's not possible to have the whole family, arranged marriage and junior doctor thing? This is driving me crazy and makes me honestly depressed to think about, pressure from my family is going over my head.

    From what i know, ive never seen or even heard of any british asian doctors in the position i will be in, leading me to think thats simply because its a deathtrap. please someone pop up and tell me its fine and theyve got through it and therefore so will I.
    sister got married right after graduating and had her first child during the first year of her job as a doctor (it was her choice, all of it)
    It is pretty stressful but shes alive. It's not impossible.
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    There are some aspects of medicine that make family difficult, over and above even other professional careers.

    1) Length of hours. Not too dissimilar to other professions but makes childcare awkward and incredibly expensive.
    2) Your job moves to a different city virtually every year. Most junior docs move house each year when they start. This makes it very hard to meet people and is not conducive with having a family. The distances are commutable, in most instances, but can be up to 90 mins or even longer, each way.
    3) Out of hours working. When you are junior i.e. at least the first 5 years post-graduation, you will have to work a fair few weekends, evenings and nights. That makes childcare awkward, depending on your partner's capability. He would certainly need to look after the kids alone regularly.
    4) The above tends to mean people who want to actually spend time with their families tend to choose certain specialities. Namely GP, anaesthetics, paediatrics. For those going part-time is easier, and for GP specifically, the training is shorter so you can stop the nights and long commutes earlier.

    Your husband will need to participate in childcare. You cannot be a full time housewife and a doctor. But you can have a family and be a doctor, especially if you go part-time. You just have to make some sacrifices in terms of spending less time with your family early on, limiting your speciality choices, and probably accepting that you need to have your family later on than you are currently planning.
 
 
 
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