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My boyfriends homeless
Basically my boyfriends from quite a deprived backgroud, his mum died when he was little, he has never met his dad and he has been bought up by his sisters. They live in a council house (him and his oldest sister, shes 40 he is 21 on sunday). His sister makes him pay for everthing!!! Like bills, council tax, rent cause she hasnt got a job, and he has a job that pays really awful wages. He doesnt have enough to live on basically and he is just in a really bad situation with money at the minute.
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Right now of course he's feeling worthless. What a horrid sister! You just need to support him and make him feel better. You are probably the best thing in his life right now. I understand if that might add pressure to you but reassure him that no you're not too good for him. Take him out for a fun relaxing and romantic date. Get his mind of his worries. 
Reply 2
12
Ok, I can't give good advice about relationships, but I'll be alright on your boyfriend's situation. Since he's 21, living independently, and has a low wage he'll be eligible for various benefits. Unless he can get himself a decently permanent place to live pretty soonish he should make sure that the local council knows that he's currently homeless: it'll prioritise him for council housing.
I know that you normally claim benefits through your local Job Centre Plus, but I'm not sure about requesting council housing etc. I'm sure the people at the Job Centre will know. Another option (possibly I think) is to visit your local CAB (citizen's advice bureau). I'm not sure, but I think that they give on advice on matters relating to benefits etc.
Good luck both of you.
I know that you normally claim benefits through your local Job Centre Plus, but I'm not sure about requesting council housing etc. I'm sure the people at the Job Centre will know. Another option (possibly I think) is to visit your local CAB (citizen's advice bureau). I'm not sure, but I think that they give on advice on matters relating to benefits etc.
Good luck both of you.
Reply 3
Get him a decent job. Help him prepare for one. Ask him what he enjoys. There are jobs on the market which pay good money i.e. Catering jobs paying £7 Per Hour..plus they provide all the training.
Once he gets a decent job..things will fall into place for him automatically.
Also, if possible persuade him to go to uni, if he doesnt already. He will have access to Interest free student loan and Grants because of his financial difficulties. He will also get student accomodation which he can use as temporary accomodation (if he plans to drop-out)
If he does not plan to study then he can use that money to settle himself down (its £2000 -3000) and drop out of Uni if he wants to work full-time. He will not have to pay back the loan amount until he is earning £15000 an year.
So this should really help him to get going in his own life.
Once he gets a decent job..things will fall into place for him automatically.
Also, if possible persuade him to go to uni, if he doesnt already. He will have access to Interest free student loan and Grants because of his financial difficulties. He will also get student accomodation which he can use as temporary accomodation (if he plans to drop-out)
If he does not plan to study then he can use that money to settle himself down (its £2000 -3000) and drop out of Uni if he wants to work full-time. He will not have to pay back the loan amount until he is earning £15000 an year.
So this should really help him to get going in his own life.
Reply 4
Emma_lu
OP
1
Thanks for the advice, i felt so so bad because all he kept saying was sorry to me rather than worrying about his own situation, we have only been together 5 months and although were quite serious this whole thing is just like way out of the blue. I mean when we were walking out his house he said "this has been my house for 21 years" and she came back with "and you dont give a **** not bothering to pay your rent" and then when he walked out the door she shouted "dont expect a birthday card you ****" 
.... bless him... I will tell him about hte support he can get and stuff.
I have booked a suprise for us to stay at a hotel on sunday for his birthday, so at least thats something.
.... bless him... I will tell him about hte support he can get and stuff. I have booked a suprise for us to stay at a hotel on sunday for his birthday, so at least thats something.
Reply 5
If his job doesn't pay very well, he may want to consider lodging / moving in to a single room in a shared house (at least until he can get better earnings). Someone close to me was kicked out of home at 16, and he managed to find a room in an 8-bedroomed shared house for £220 a month - which provided him with a bedroom to himself, shared kitchen/bathroom/living room, furniture (it was already furnished) and all of his bills. It wasn't the best accommodation in the world, but it was a roof over his head, and a cheap one at that. Benefits will obviously help a great deal, too - as others have said.
Hope things work out for you both - you sound like you have the right attitude, so just keep doing what you're doing, and support him. If you want to PM me, do - as I say, I've been close to someone in a very similar situation, so if you want a chat, feel free!
Hope things work out for you both - you sound like you have the right attitude, so just keep doing what you're doing, and support him.
If you want to PM me, do - as I say, I've been close to someone in a very similar situation, so if you want a chat, feel free!Reply 6
hes nearly 21, why doesn't he just rent? Hes old enough to be responsible for himself.
Reply 7
Emma_lu
Basically my boyfriends from quite a deprived backgroud, his mum died when he was little, he has never met his dad and he has been bought up by his sisters. They live in a council house (him and his oldest sister, shes 40 he is 21 on sunday). His sister makes him pay for everthing!!! Like bills, council tax, rent cause she hasnt got a job, and he has a job that pays really awful wages. He doesnt have enough to live on basically and he is just in a really bad situation with money at the minute.
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
thats so nice how you care about him
. He is quite lucky to have someone like you in his life. His situation sounds like the norm in los angeles hispanic society.....sad being poor is worldwide...n-e who, he has to cave in eventually, just keep offering him to remind him you and your pad are there. Keep the guy around too, hes a fighter and wont give up on most issues.....most guys arent like that...
sickness..
d
Reply 8
14
Could you rent him a spare room for a reasonable price? It wouldn't be a long-term solution, but it sounds like he needs some time to sort his life out, get a decent job, etc.
Most importantly, of course, he needs your support so make sure he always knows you're there for him.
Most importantly, of course, he needs your support so make sure he always knows you're there for him.
Reply 9
My boyfriend was homeless for a while. He was sleeping in a cold warehouse(his Dads) place in a sleeping bag for about 3 weeks. He was skint.
Obviously you can't do everything for them but I helped him out a bit when he had little food/petrol to get to college. Went round and kept him company and warm lol.
Obviously, your situation is quite different because he is 21. My Boyfriend is only 18 and in full time Ed trying to get into Uni. He wasn't used to having nothing either and had lived quite affluently before so you know, I think you need to help your boyfriend in finding a long term solution, obviously you can't try and hold him up forever.
I was just supportive as much as I saw fit, which may well have been a lot, but he appreciated it.
His Dad luckily helped him find a place to lodge and now he rents a room with a lovely couple and is fine
Obviously you can't do everything for them but I helped him out a bit when he had little food/petrol to get to college. Went round and kept him company and warm lol.
Obviously, your situation is quite different because he is 21. My Boyfriend is only 18 and in full time Ed trying to get into Uni. He wasn't used to having nothing either and had lived quite affluently before so you know, I think you need to help your boyfriend in finding a long term solution, obviously you can't try and hold him up forever.
I was just supportive as much as I saw fit, which may well have been a lot, but he appreciated it.
His Dad luckily helped him find a place to lodge and now he rents a room with a lovely couple and is fine
Reply 10
What a nasty sister, then again how the hell is she going to the pay the rent on her own. I would just reassure him you won't leave him, I think it is excellent you have stuck by him because clearly he's not a bad guy at all. It is a real shame that there are not other girls like you around.
Reply 11
20
Emma_lu
Basically my boyfriends from quite a deprived backgroud, his mum died when he was little, he has never met his dad and he has been bought up by his sisters. They live in a council house (him and his oldest sister, shes 40 he is 21 on sunday). His sister makes him pay for everthing!!! Like bills, council tax, rent cause she hasnt got a job, and he has a job that pays really awful wages. He doesnt have enough to live on basically and he is just in a really bad situation with money at the minute.
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
You are a constant, dependable factor in a life otherwise fraught with turmoil. Don't lavish him with expensive indulgences, because he'll only feel frustrated and embarrassed by his own insolvency; instead, do something inexpensive but heartfelt and personal, which he might well reciprocate. Show him that money is less important to you than he is; that love does not alter when it alteration finds. If he still waxes pitiful regarding his situation relative to your own, and in spite of your re-assurance: don't attempt to remonstrate with him, but rather subtly remind him of everything between you that is immaterial yet invaluable. Kiss him in order to shut him up. Visit a museum or an art-gallery: culture is often free. Take him to a botanical garden, and share a take-away afterwards. Enjoy being at peace in circumstances where circumstances don't matter. If he wants to discuss it, welcome him into your confidence; if not, he will at least know that you are 'there', that your relationship is secure, and that he can rely on your support if need be.
Reply 12
Rock Fan
What a nasty sister, then again how the hell is she going to the pay the rent on her own.
I imagine that's sort of the point... it would pretty much have been my reaction too. She told him to give her money or get out, ultimatums SERIOUSLY piss me off, so he was quite right to just walk out the door. If she now can't pay the rent, it's her own fault. He can stand outside and laugh as she gets evicted.
Profesh
Visit a museum or an art-gallery: culture is often free.
Hasn't he suffered enough?? The poor guy
. Although, I guess he could attempt to steal something worth a lot, then either way he's sorted. If he makes it out and doesn't get caught he has some cash... if not, he's got a cell. Probably with a TV and PS2. None too shabby...Reply 13
Profesh
You are a constant, dependable factor in a life otherwise fraught with turmoil. Don't lavish him with expensive indulgences, because he'll only feel frustrated and embarrassed by his own insolvency; instead, do something inexpensive but heartfelt and personal, which he might well reciprocate. Show him that money is less important to you than he is; that love does not alter when it alteration finds. If he still waxes pitiful regarding his situation relative to your own, and in spite of your re-assurance: don't attempt to remonstrate with him, but rather subtly remind him of everything between you that is immaterial yet invaluable. Kiss him in order to shut him up. Visit a museum or an art-gallery: culture is often free. Take him to a botanical garden, and share a take-away afterwards. Enjoy being at peace in circumstances where circumstances don't matter. If he wants to discuss it, welcome him into your confidence; if not, he will at least know that you are 'there', that your relationship is secure, and that he can rely on your support if need be.
Are you serious?! What a waste of time. Why doesn't she help him out with somewhere to live and then help him find a better job and a cheap flat so he can start rebuilding his life. I'm pretty sure he'd prefer that to going to a botanical garden. Christ.
Reply 14
you offerd for him to stay in your house for one night?....wow how nice of you to offer a whole 24hours!
Reply 15
pink_lucie
you offerd for him to stay in your house for one night?....wow how nice of you to offer a whole 24hours!
I'm assuming she lives with her parents still, so it's not up to her whether or not she can move her boyfriend in for anything more than a night or two.
Reply 16
20
Toy Soldier
Unfortunately, some blokes (especially ones from more deprived backgrounds, I find) have ridiculous amounts of male pride and it would absolutely crush them to let a girlfriend help them out like that. They'd feel "less of a man" or some crap like that. Same reason some people refuse benefits... which is, quite frankly, retarded. Screw "The Man" for every penny you can get, I say. But yeah, anyway, if he's one of these type of blokes she'll need to find a way to help him without it seeming like charity, to avoid his resentment.
Exactly. (Of course, my 'botanical garden' suggestion assumes that he'd like that sort of thing: I'm sure a park-bench somewhere secluded would similarly fit the bill.)
Reply 17
Vegitto
Also, if possible persuade him to go to uni, if he doesnt already. He will have access to Interest free student loan and Grants because of his financial difficulties. He will also get student accomodation which he can use as temporary accomodation (if he plans to drop-out)
If he does not plan to study then he can use that money to settle himself down (its £2000 -3000) and drop out of Uni if he wants to work full-time. He will not have to pay back the loan amount until he is earning £15000 an year.
What a stupid post! Its January now so what is he to do untill late September?
Student loans ar enot inrest free, they get charged intrest from day one.
If he drops out of uni he will technically not get any more of his loan. And where will £4k get him over one academic year?
Op, it seems like such a bizarre set up. They could get help with money if there income is that low! Why not go to citizens advice, found out what benefits he can get if he was to live back with his sister and then either work out an agreement or help him to move to another place.
Shared houses are so cheap.
Reply 18
16
Rock Fan
What a nasty sister, then again how the hell is she going to the pay the rent on her own. I would just reassure him you won't leave him, I think it is excellent you have stuck by him because clearly he's not a bad guy at all. It is a real shame that there are not other girls like you around.
Its a rather moot point, but his sister clearly dosn't realise shes shot herself in the foot.
OP, one substantial thing you can do is persuade your 'rents to allow him to use your address as a postal addy when he applies for jobs (regardless of where he might be lodgeing). Employers are cautious of applicants with and NI but no permanent abode; he can of course rectify matters retrospetively when his ship comes in.
Reply 19
Emma_lu
Basically my boyfriends from quite a deprived backgroud, his mum died when he was little, he has never met his dad and he has been bought up by his sisters. They live in a council house (him and his oldest sister, shes 40 he is 21 on sunday). His sister makes him pay for everthing!!! Like bills, council tax, rent cause she hasnt got a job, and he has a job that pays really awful wages. He doesnt have enough to live on basically and he is just in a really bad situation with money at the minute.
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
Anyway this month he hasnt got the money to pay the rent on time (its due tomorow) so we were at his house earlier, in his room, and his sister barges in saying have you got the rent money if not get out, and stay out, dont bother coming back. So the lovely person that my boyfriend is just grabs his keys then walks out.
He is now stopping on a mates sofa. I told him he could stay at mine for the night but he was having non of it and didnt want to put this problem on my family.
The thing is i find it quite hard to support him through this, as im from a family that aint loaded but we are stable, like got a really nice house, 3 cars bla bla etc. And now he has been coming out with all this stuff like im too good for him, i deserve someone from a normal family, whereas i know that he is 100x the person i am, and i can only wish to be as nice as him!
and anyway i just need a bit of advice on what i can do about the situation....
If his sister makes him pay for the rent then she cant afford to kick him out, since it would essentially mean kicking herself out.
Sorry - I know that's logical and all, but it's simple.
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