It's a great essay and infact i recently finished this topic but you need to talk about why TOV was a big problem for the weimar republic. You have mentioned some great points for other problems of germany in 1919 but you neeed to answer the question by including why the TOV was a big problem as well as the other multitude of problems. I had the same kind of problem, believe me but just do what i mentioned above.
I'm with @Airmed... Too narrative, with not enough analysis and no real judgement. Missing key elements while including other content of questionable relevance. Poor grammar.