Anon or delete.
In light of all the sexual harassment in the news recently it made me think of my own experiences as a child. I never talk about it and it makes me wonder if its had an effect on me? I guess I want to just talk about it as now that I'm older I never talk about it at all even to my family.
I'm Male btw. When I was 5 I was molested by my neighbour who was an 8 year old black girl. We were playing hide and seek in my grandmas house with the neighbours daughter. She got me to hide with her in the toilet, then she locked the door and forced me to take my clothes off, then made me bend over and washed me like a baby. [Content removed] I immediately told my family who were furious of course. We told her parents but they just denied it. Though we think they used to abuse her.
I remember feeling humiliated and helpless as it was happening. I was screaming help to my sister but the door was locked.
Forward to when I was 11, I was in the canteen. There was this popular guy, probably 15 years old who would be friendly to me, my sister and our friends. He seemed cool and I trusted him. One day he sat by our table next to me, his hand was under the table next to my leg, eventually he starting touching my genitals feeling them up. I looked at my sister for help, but when ever i tried to look at someone he would grip my balls really tight threatening to hurt me. My friend next to me eventually saw and we made eye contact, but he looked away pretending not to see whats happening, he looked really scared. I was dissapointed he didnt help.
Outside when I was alone, he approached me asking if I liked it, if it felt good. I lashed out calling him Gay, cursing him, etc...he was one of the cool kids so he was very worried about his reputation, he would grab my skinny arm and threaten to break it. He was about to beat me up but the teacher intervened.
I could barely speak the language of that country so I tried to say he touched me but they didnt understand.
I never told anyone about that which I really regret. It was partly pride because I didnt want to feel humiliated again and have my parents come in and embarass me in front of my friends. I dont think ive ever told anyone about this 2nd incident.
I dont have PTSD or anything but I've had a really tough childhood with barely any friends and even now I'm a bit socially awkward and have a low self esteem, I wonder if thats anything to do with those incidents from my youth. I'm 27 now still working on improving my confidence.
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