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Feelings for someone else aswell as my boyfriend... Watch

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    I know this is really bad of me and before I begin I feel it's important to mention I'm a teenager and therefore telling my boyfriend about the situation is not an option as parents will be informed and my life will become complete hell.

    So, 5 months ago I had just broken up with one of my old boyfriends and was eager to explore my options in terms of boys. I started speaking to someone and a couple of days later, I went on a weekend trip with an organisation I'm in. I met another boy on that camp who had a girlfriend, however we really got on and he cheated on her with me, and had told me he was planning on breaking up with her anyway. We did sexual things, but didn't actually have sex. It's important to mention this was my first kiss... and my first everything else.

    When I returned from the weekend I decided not to tell the person I was speaking to as I didn't want to lose him as I'd just got him and I did really like him. I thought there was no harm in him not knowing as after a short time period , I had done the same sexual things with him and he just thought he was my first, which I was fine with. We also began dating a few days after I'd returned from my weekend away.

    We then dated for 4 months, but a couple of weeks ago we were arguing a lot as he can get annoyed quite easily and decided to break up, with the intention of possibly getting back together however he wanted us back together more than me. One of the reasons I agreed we should break up is because of the other boy I had been with on the weekend away, let's call him Dave. So Dave and I had met for the second time on another week away, three months into my relationship with my bf. Dave was determined to do sexual things with me again and I said no and I kept on and kept on pushing him away, but the truth was I've had a thing for him ever since we met, and the feelings grow stronger the longer we don't talk and see eachother. In short Dave convinced me after a LOT of persuasion to cheat on my boyfriend. The both of us kept it a secret and over a month later my boyfriend hasn't found out.

    I am writing this during the break with my boyfriend and I really need advice. To summarise, I do really really love my boyfriend (the one I'm on a break with), but every time I think I'm over 'Dave' (we rarely contact each other), dave messages me and I begin liking him. I cannot work out whether Dave likes me or just wants me for sexual purposes but I get the feeling that we both like eachother and have done since we met. Then again I know my boyfriend (who I'm on a break with) loves me a lot, which is why I feel so guilty about cheating. I also feel guilty because I do love him but I'm worried the arguments will start again as soon as we're back together.

    I have also heard rumours that he's sent nudes to other people or asked for them but he's always had an excuse, or I've just brushed the rumours away and not believed them/let him off because I know that I've cheated.

    Just repeating it is definitely not an option to tell my boyfriend about Dave

    Also want to make it clear me and Dave couldn't be together as he has cheated on his past partners, as I have and we couldn't trust eachother. Despite this I'm still addicted to him because of his personality. I can't discuss my feelings or what happened between us with Dave as he could screenshot proof of what happened and send them to my boyfriend. For example today he asked me "why did you do sexual things with me when u had a boyfriend" and I just blanked him because I thought he wanted to screenshot proof if done that. However after thinking about the conversation we were having I think he was just trying to find out whether I liked him.

    I know this situation is sooooo complicated but please can someone give me an opinion 😂
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    (Original post by Ineedadvicepls)
    I know this is really bad of me and before I begin I feel it's important to mention I'm a teenager and therefore telling my boyfriend about the situation is not an option as parents will be informed and my life will become complete hell.

    So, 5 months ago I had just broken up with one of my old boyfriends and was eager to explore my options in terms of boys. I started speaking to someone and a couple of days later, I went on a weekend trip with an organisation I'm in. I met another boy on that camp who had a girlfriend, however we really got on and he cheated on her with me, and had told me he was planning on breaking up with her anyway. We did sexual things, but didn't actually have sex. It's important to mention this was my first kiss... and my first everything else.

    When I returned from the weekend I decided not to tell the person I was speaking to as I didn't want to lose him as I'd just got him and I did really like him. I thought there was no harm in him not knowing as after a short time period , I had done the same sexual things with him and he just thought he was my first, which I was fine with. We also began dating a few days after I'd returned from my weekend away.

    We then dated for 4 months, but a couple of weeks ago we were arguing a lot as he can get annoyed quite easily and decided to break up, with the intention of possibly getting back together however he wanted us back together more than me. One of the reasons I agreed we should break up is because of the other boy I had been with on the weekend away, let's call him Dave. So Dave and I had met for the second time on another week away, three months into my relationship with my bf. Dave was determined to do sexual things with me again and I said no and I kept on and kept on pushing him away, but the truth was I've had a thing for him ever since we met, and the feelings grow stronger the longer we don't talk and see eachother. In short Dave convinced me after a LOT of persuasion to cheat on my boyfriend. The both of us kept it a secret and over a month later my boyfriend hasn't found out.

    I am writing this during the break with my boyfriend and I really need advice. To summarise, I do really really love my boyfriend (the one I'm on a break with), but every time I think I'm over 'Dave' (we rarely contact each other), dave messages me and I begin liking him. I cannot work out whether Dave likes me or just wants me for sexual purposes but I get the feeling that we both like eachother and have done since we met. Then again I know my boyfriend (who I'm on a break with) loves me a lot, which is why I feel so guilty about cheating. I also feel guilty because I do love him but I'm worried the arguments will start again as soon as we're back together.

    I have also heard rumours that he's sent nudes to other people or asked for them but he's always had an excuse, or I've just brushed the rumours away and not believed them/let him off because I know that I've cheated.

    Just repeating it is definitely not an option to tell my boyfriend about Dave

    Also want to make it clear me and Dave couldn't be together as he has cheated on his past partners, as I have and we couldn't trust eachother. Despite this I'm still addicted to him because of his personality. I can't discuss my feelings or what happened between us with Dave as he could screenshot proof of what happened and send them to my boyfriend. For example today he asked me "why did you do sexual things with me when u had a boyfriend" and I just blanked him because I thought he wanted to screenshot proof if done that. However after thinking about the conversation we were having I think he was just trying to find out whether I liked him.

    I know this situation is sooooo complicated but please can someone give me an opinion 😂
    If you can't trust Dave and so can't be with him then it's really just infatuation and not something too important. If you love your boyfriend then try and make another go if you feel you could keep a relationship going with him if Dave wasn't around.
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    How can you say you love a person when you've only been with them for a couple of months and you're on a break. It sounds like you're just attached instead. You're playing two people and you're pretty much a very evil person for cheating on your boyfriend and not telling him. I would suggest break up and tell him because by the sounds of it you two don't love each other and it's just a toxic relationship. I mean cmon, you love you're boyfriend but fancy dave? Don't you think thats a bit odd? Just stay single if you can't commit. Nothing wrong with that, you are young however cheating on your boyfriend and not telling him is a very bad thing to do and makes you a bad person.
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    No wonder you created a new account for this. sloots gonna sloot.
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    There are two things you need to remember dealing with this:

    1) You are very young and it is unlikely either relationship will last long-term
    2) Both these guys are real people

    What you did was bad, very bad, but don't beat yourself up about it too much. Again, you're young, and it doesn't sound like any of the participants in this little triangle should be particularly proud of themselves.

    At your age I wouldn't be too concerned with finding 'the one,' in fact you don't really need anyone at all, but if you do want a relationship then it should be something that feels fun and natural. Neither of these relationships sound fun or natural and I would recommend you strongly consider cutting off them both until you can work out what you want.

    If you really need your boyfriend then you need to treat him better. I understand it's hard having feelings for someone else, but your feelings aren't the only ones that matter, and sometimes you have to just confront your desires head on and tell them where to stick it. Not just for his sake (although I hope that's obvious) but also for yours. As I say (and I think you're aware) neither of guys are likely to last, but what will stay with you is your actions, and your guilt. You've already done things you will regret, but maybe you can at least give the memory a good ending by doing the right thing now.
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    (Original post by furiousmushroom)
    There are two things you need to remember dealing with this:

    1) You are very young and it is unlikely either relationship will last long-term
    2) Both these guys are real people

    What you did was bad, very bad, but don't beat yourself up about it too much. Again, you're young, and it doesn't sound like any of the participants in this little triangle should be particularly proud of themselves.

    At your age I wouldn't be too concerned with finding 'the one,' in fact you don't really need anyone at all, but if you do want a relationship then it should be something that feels fun and natural. Neither of these relationships sound fun or natural and I would recommend you strongly consider cutting off them both until you can work out what you want.

    If you really need your boyfriend then you need to treat him better. I understand it's hard having feelings for someone else, but your feelings aren't the only ones that matter, and sometimes you have to just confront your desires head on and tell them where to stick it. Not just for his sake (although I hope that's obvious) but also for yours. As I say (and I think you're aware) neither of guys are likely to last, but what will stay with you is your actions, and your guilt. You've already done things you will regret, but maybe you can at least give the memory a good ending by doing the right thing now.
    Thankyou I think this has been the most helpful reply; other people have said I should just end it with the both of them, do you think this is a good idea? Because I like them both and I don't know how I can ignore my feelings and not act of them, as I know both guys would happily be involved with me.
    Also do you feel as if I'm stringing my boyfriend along? My intention at the moment is to get back together with him very soon and I think I can make it work and I didn't do my best at describing it but we actually have a really good relationship. We meet up regularly and do so much cool stuff together. Do you think I can continue with the relationship without telling him about Dave?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How can you say you love a person when you've only been with them for a couple of months and you're on a break. It sounds like you're just attached instead. You're playing two people and you're pretty much a very evil person for cheating on your boyfriend and not telling him. I would suggest break up and tell him because by the sounds of it you two don't love each other and it's just a toxic relationship. I mean cmon, you love you're boyfriend but fancy dave? Don't you think thats a bit odd? Just stay single if you can't commit. Nothing wrong with that, you are young however cheating on your boyfriend and not telling him is a very bad thing to do and makes you a bad person.
    I understand I messed up and I know I struggle with commitment because I'm young, I don't think it makes me an evil person though. What I didn't explain well enough is that me and my boyfriend actually had a very good relationship, we'd meet up regularly and go out to loads of cool places. The main reason why we went on a break is because I was stressed with exam revision and it annoyed him that I couldn't spend time with him because I was revising. He is a nice person he's just having issues at home which make him angry, so he has a lot of built up stress which gets released over the tiniest of things. Also like I said telling him is not on option. And I wouldn't know how to get rid of them both because they're both determined people who would keep coming back, and I can't turn them away when I have feelings for them both. That's why I'm struggling to know what's right
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    (Original post by Ineedadvicepls)
    I understand I messed up and I know I struggle with commitment because I'm young, I don't think it makes me an evil person though. What I didn't explain well enough is that me and my boyfriend actually had a very good relationship, we'd meet up regularly and go out to loads of cool places. The main reason why we went on a break is because I was stressed with exam revision and it annoyed him that I couldn't spend time with him because I was revising. He is a nice person he's just having issues at home which make him angry, so he has a lot of built up stress which gets released over the tiniest of things. Also like I said telling him is not on option. And I wouldn't know how to get rid of them both because they're both determined people who would keep coming back, and I can't turn them away when I have feelings for them both. That's why I'm struggling to know what's right
    Flipping a coin can make you realise which option is more appealing. I'm not saying this is the best way but it can make you realise if you would be disappointed if you decided you had to go out with whoever the coin dictated.
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    you don't deserve advice lol


    (Original post by Ineedadvicepls)
    Thankyou I think this has been the most helpful reply; other people have said I should just end it with the both of them, do you think this is a good idea? Because I like them both and I don't know how I can ignore my feelings and not act of them, as I know both guys would happily be involved with me.
    Also do you feel as if I'm stringing my boyfriend along? My intention at the moment is to get back together with him very soon and I think I can make it work and I didn't do my best at describing it but we actually have a really good relationship. We meet up regularly and do so much cool stuff together. Do you think I can continue with the relationship without telling him about Dave?
    He'll find out eventually and dump you anyway.
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    (Original post by Ineedadvicepls)
    Thankyou I think this has been the most helpful reply; other people have said I should just end it with the both of them, do you think this is a good idea? Because I like them both and I don't know how I can ignore my feelings and not act of them, as I know both guys would happily be involved with me.
    Also do you feel as if I'm stringing my boyfriend along? My intention at the moment is to get back together with him very soon and I think I can make it work and I didn't do my best at describing it but we actually have a really good relationship. We meet up regularly and do so much cool stuff together. Do you think I can continue with the relationship without telling him about Dave?
    Look... I mean, if you really want to stay with your boyfriend (if you really, really want to stay with him) I'm not saying you have to break up, but you need to make some big changes. Changes to yourself, and your behaviour. You need to step up to the plate and really decide you're committing to this and not going to let some other guy control you.

    If you were on a break in the relationship...I don't know if you have to tell him. I guess it depends on what the rules of the break were (if you set any). I can't answer that, but if you weren't supposed to be with other guys then I think you do. Dishonesty is toxic in a relationship, and if you're really trying to make a change then that means admitting your mistakes, even if you risk rejection by doing so. Being a good person isn't always comfortable.

    But I have to agree with most that I honestly believe ending it with both of them is the right thing to do. Right now you have two people dependent on your every action so it's hard to do any self-evalution. It's hard to be 'better' when you have two people who are both obviously interested and will encourage you to do more of the same. If you decide for some time on your own, then you don't need to feel guilty. You don't even need to tell your boyfriend. The problem disappears overnight and you get some time and space to think, and grow.

    You could always get back in contact with your boyfriend once you've matured somewhat, though honestly I suspect you'll probably move on and find someone new with much less drama.
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    (Original post by furiousmushroom)
    Look... I mean, if you really want to stay with your boyfriend (if you really, really want to stay with him) I'm not saying you have to break up, but you need to make some big changes. Changes to yourself, and your behaviour. You need to step up to the plate and really decide you're committing to this and not going to let some other guy control you.

    If you were on a break in the relationship...I don't know if you have to tell him. I guess it depends on what the rules of the break were (if you set any). I can't answer that, but if you weren't supposed to be with other guys then I think you do. Dishonesty is toxic in a relationship, and if you're really trying to make a change then that means admitting your mistakes, even if you risk rejection by doing so. Being a good person isn't always comfortable.

    But I have to agree with most that I honestly believe ending it with both of them is the right thing to do. Right now you have two people dependent on your every action so it's hard to do any self-evalution. It's hard to be 'better' when you have two people who are both obviously interested and will encourage you to do more of the same. If you decide for some time on your own, then you don't need to feel guilty. You don't even need to tell your boyfriend. The problem disappears overnight and you get some time and space to think, and grow.

    You could always get back in contact with your boyfriend once you've matured somewhat, though honestly I suspect you'll probably move on and find someone new with much less drama.
    Thanks this is really helpful and the cheating happened when me and my boyfriend weren't on a break. I know I should tell him but it's not an option because we're both young still living with parents and I'm not supposed to be doing the things I've done with boys at the age I'm at, and my parents won't accept it. However my boyfriend has a young mum who is relaxed and she's not stupid - she knows what teenagers get up to and she's fine with it. Him and his mum have a close relationship and he's bound to tell his mum about the situation if I say that I cheated. His mum is in contact with my mum and within the space of an hour my life could go to pieces.

    how can I end it with my boyfriend completely without him being suspicious that there's a reason i don't think I should be in the relationship?
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    (Original post by Ineedadvicepls)
    I understand I messed up and I know I struggle with commitment because I'm young, I don't think it makes me an evil person though. What I didn't explain well enough is that me and my boyfriend actually had a very good relationship, we'd meet up regularly and go out to loads of cool places. The main reason why we went on a break is because I was stressed with exam revision and it annoyed him that I couldn't spend time with him because I was revising. He is a nice person he's just having issues at home which make him angry, so he has a lot of built up stress which gets released over the tiniest of things. Also like I said telling him is not on option. And I wouldn't know how to get rid of them both because they're both determined people who would keep coming back, and I can't turn them away when I have feelings for them both. That's why I'm struggling to know what's right
    You need to tell them. Not being able to commit is not a bad thing at all. The bad thing is and this makes you a bad person, you can't tell them that you cheated on your boyfriend with that guy. You need to tell them that you can't commit otherwise you are stringing them along. Just be true to yourself and be a little strong and just tell them? It's easier than hiding the truth and lying. How would you feel is your boyfriend was doing that to you? If he had some girl on the side that he would see occasionally and didn't think it was worth telling you since you have a good relationship. Well think about it, you cheated on your boyfriend, don't you think there are some problems there? I don't know how old you are, you could be 16 or whatever, however you need to tell him you cheated on him, it might bring you closer and become a serious relationship OR you may break up and you can do things without guilt from then on.
 
 
 
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