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Boyfriend lied to me about drugs Watch

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    Hello, I've come here because I don't know who to ask, what to do about this.
    I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half months. Things have gone very very well, I love him and I know he loves me a lot. We have moved v quickly and have already discussed our futures together. He is kind to me, a gentleman, funny and we have such a good time together. However he has a cocain problem. He works in the tree buisiness and often will go on a mid week blender and not go to work the next day. This makes me mad as sometimes I go out with him mid week but I always drag myself out of bed and go to work, I've never just not got in. He is very lucky he still has a job. 2 weeks ago he twisted his knee and therefore didn't go to work for 1 and a half weeks, however he managed to go out almost every single evening doing drugs. We went on holiday for 5 days. We got back yesterday, and when we first went his nose was so so so sore he couldn't touch it. He spent a lot time saying he needed a break from it, he was done. I was trying to be supportive and saying just cut it down to weekends. He was like your right, however 'don't tell me what to do.'
    We arrived back yesterday evening. He said I'm going to go for some beers. I made it clear I thought it was stupid, and then later in the evening we was being all cute via text so I knew he was on cocain as he becomes very loving and also physically cannot go out for a beer without doing it.
    I told him before I went to sleep, don't be silly and go home at a normal time, he said 'yes I'm not silly I know my limits' (absolute lie.)
    I've woken up this morning to a messaging saying, what a touch, the job was cancelled, lie in for him. (This was sent at 6.30am when his alarm would go off)
    I am 99% sure this is a lie and he is just lying to me. I'm so mad because he is 28 he cannot live his life like this. He owes lots of people money for drugs and it's so frustrating that he says he will sort it out blah blah and then always goes back on his word. If I have ever tried to say anything about it he gets defensive and says he can do whatever he wants.
    I'm now in 2 minds- do I explode at him or give him the silent treatment?
    I want to give him the silent treatment, because normally I am very vocal, we are in constant communication and I think it will made him realise oh dear she's mad.
    Other half of me wants to just explode at him and tell him how mad I am.
    Help!
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    Cut the silent treatment and arguments and DITCH him. Do you really want a future (I.e. marriage and CHILDREN?) with someone who doesn’t take work responsibilities seriously, finances are in a mess and has a drug dependency problem?! Your whole life will be one panic/drama to the next believe me.

    It would be different if he had a willingness to change, but he doesn’t. He WILL NOT change and he will not stop, no amount or arguing, pleading or nagging will change that. Drugs will ALWAYS come before you, drug takers are extremely selfish. There is only one place he will end up and that is in the gutter, and he will drag you with him unless you get out NOW.

    You either need to accept him for how he is, and prepare yourself for a lot of heartache, anger and let down for the foreseeable future. Or move on, those are your only options. People like this never change, my ex was the same and he is now living in various squats in Brighton, no money, no job and no prospects and surrounded by the most unsavoury of characters (it took me a while to realise he was one himself)

    You need to seriously ask yourself what you are getting from the relationship, you deserve to be with someone who is loving and affectionate all the time not just when they have a class A substance inside them.
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    (Original post by Pozzap93)
    Hello, I've come here because I don't know who to ask, what to do about this.
    I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half months. Things have gone very very well, I love him and I know he loves me a lot. We have moved v quickly and have already discussed our futures together. He is kind to me, a gentleman, funny and we have such a good time together. However he has a cocain problem. He works in the tree buisiness and often will go on a mid week blender and not go to work the next day. This makes me mad as sometimes I go out with him mid week but I always drag myself out of bed and go to work, I've never just not got in. He is very lucky he still has a job. 2 weeks ago he twisted his knee and therefore didn't go to work for 1 and a half weeks, however he managed to go out almost every single evening doing drugs. We went on holiday for 5 days. We got back yesterday, and when we first went his nose was so so so sore he couldn't touch it. He spent a lot time saying he needed a break from it, he was done. I was trying to be supportive and saying just cut it down to weekends. He was like your right, however 'don't tell me what to do.'
    We arrived back yesterday evening. He said I'm going to go for some beers. I made it clear I thought it was stupid, and then later in the evening we was being all cute via text so I knew he was on cocain as he becomes very loving and also physically cannot go out for a beer without doing it.
    I told him before I went to sleep, don't be silly and go home at a normal time, he said 'yes I'm not silly I know my limits' (absolute lie.)
    I've woken up this morning to a messaging saying, what a touch, the job was cancelled, lie in for him. (This was sent at 6.30am when his alarm would go off)
    I am 99% sure this is a lie and he is just lying to me. I'm so mad because he is 28 he cannot live his life like this. He owes lots of people money for drugs and it's so frustrating that he says he will sort it out blah blah and then always goes back on his word. If I have ever tried to say anything about it he gets defensive and says he can do whatever he wants.
    I'm now in 2 minds- do I explode at him or give him the silent treatment?
    I want to give him the silent treatment, because normally I am very vocal, we are in constant communication and I think it will made him realise oh dear she's mad.
    Other half of me wants to just explode at him and tell him how mad I am.
    Help!
    This relationship os not healthy for you, whether he is lying about the drugs or not.The lying about just shows how he doesnt care about even less than he already doesnt care.


    My tip - get out and go nowhere near anyone who does drugs
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    (Original post by Jack22031994)
    This relationship os not healthy for you, whether he is lying about the drugs or not.The lying about just shows how he doesnt care about even less than he already doesnt care.


    My tip - get out and go nowhere near anyone who does drugs
    agreed on jack's
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    It's sad to hear that you found someone so nice and happy with only to find out that they have this cocaine issue.
    Sadly the other people posting here are right. Drug takers can become extremely selffish due to the fact that cocaine is so addictive.
    I'd say to not ditch him but rather to set him an ultimatum. Tell him to register at a drug rehab center or you will leave him.
    These centers are often free and do weekly tests to check if someone is really going clean.

    Still, I wish you luck.
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    (Original post by Pozzap93)
    Hello, I've come here because I don't know who to ask, what to do about this.
    I've been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half months. Things have gone very very well, I love him and I know he loves me a lot. We have moved v quickly and have already discussed our futures together. He is kind to me, a gentleman, funny and we have such a good time together. However he has a cocain problem. He works in the tree buisiness and often will go on a mid week blender and not go to work the next day. This makes me mad as sometimes I go out with him mid week but I always drag myself out of bed and go to work, I've never just not got in. He is very lucky he still has a job. 2 weeks ago he twisted his knee and therefore didn't go to work for 1 and a half weeks, however he managed to go out almost every single evening doing drugs. We went on holiday for 5 days. We got back yesterday, and when we first went his nose was so so so sore he couldn't touch it. He spent a lot time saying he needed a break from it, he was done. I was trying to be supportive and saying just cut it down to weekends. He was like your right, however 'don't tell me what to do.'
    We arrived back yesterday evening. He said I'm going to go for some beers. I made it clear I thought it was stupid, and then later in the evening we was being all cute via text so I knew he was on cocain as he becomes very loving and also physically cannot go out for a beer without doing it.
    I told him before I went to sleep, don't be silly and go home at a normal time, he said 'yes I'm not silly I know my limits' (absolute lie.)
    I've woken up this morning to a messaging saying, what a touch, the job was cancelled, lie in for him. (This was sent at 6.30am when his alarm would go off)
    I am 99% sure this is a lie and he is just lying to me. I'm so mad because he is 28 he cannot live his life like this. He owes lots of people money for drugs and it's so frustrating that he says he will sort it out blah blah and then always goes back on his word. If I have ever tried to say anything about it he gets defensive and says he can do whatever he wants.
    I'm now in 2 minds- do I explode at him or give him the silent treatment?
    I want to give him the silent treatment, because normally I am very vocal, we are in constant communication and I think it will made him realise oh dear she's mad.
    Other half of me wants to just explode at him and tell him how mad I am.
    Help!
    Its all going to end in tears and cost you a lot of energy.
    You are out of your depth and imo you should bail if he wont tell the truth.

    http://www.drugfam.co.uk/

    HELPLINE 0300 888 3853

    [email protected]LINE 0300 888 3853

    http://famanon.org.uk/
    Helpline: 0845 1200 660
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    Better off to just leave it all alone. Getting involved in a mess like this will not be good for a relationship and it will fall apart. Try and get him help if you think you can but I don't think you will be able to maintain it.
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    You are going to spend a lot of time and energy trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change and in the meantime be dragged into a world you don’t want to be in. Caught up with debts for drugs is never a good place.
    He’s soon going to be jobless and it will get worse.
    Be kind to yourself. End it
 
 
 
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