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    So.

    I am a compulsive gambler, I gamble because I get next to nothing, I gamble because I'm depressed not because I gamble. But then, I sound even now like I'm trying to justify it. And it's became a problem.

    Let me precursor the trhead by saying my life is empty. Anything you can name I don't have, OK I had a crap start in life. An absolutely disgraceful one. I got good grades at school etc but I never capitalised on them for varying reasons I won't go in to.

    I have "borrowed" money, (all I'll say) and also I have pawned my laptop to get that money back, today, I go to the bookies and from 40 get hte machien up to a point where I could have reimbursed the money and got the laptop out, why did I not collect? Because I couldn;t. I wanted the round figure of £300+ and it didn't tup over, but then I think I'd try to get it to the next multiple of hundred.

    I really need to stop because atm I just feel like **** (ok that's an understatement, I just feel guilt and dread and I was coming over the bridge on the bus and I thought "I may as well just get off and jump off it". these are bad thoughts right?

    But to quit I know I need to replace it with something, I've got a hobby which is basically arty, but I'm falling way short artistically, not bedcause I'm not good enough at the art, but because the nature of the hobby relies on feedback and more but I don't get the feedback for various reasons, I genuinely think, without boasting (and have been told) I'm talented, I have many postive traits and characteristics (yet I still have not found a girlfriend??) I have no social life (none, not one friend, and I just don't know how to excpand it) so in a way, I have nothying to spend money on I win anyway.... It's senseless. I have had the machine up to 750 before and lost everything, it doesn't make you feel good trust me. I've generated all my efforts into my art and it's not reaped the rewards. So, in short, my life is **** and I dion't care either way anymore. BTW I'm in my late twenties.

    I have tried to get a girlfriend. I don't have a platofrm to expand my social life. I have hobbies but they make me even more depressed. So what do I do now? I quit gambling? It's not as simple. But I know if I don't one day I may do soemthing rash.

    But again, I don't care. I'm not a massive drinker anymore but had a bottle of wine last night, and I've been depressed before. but honestly going over that bridge today (I've had those kind of thoughts before) but I feel i could've acted on them.

    And that's not fair on the people I'd leave behind the odd few that do care. Aain I am past the point of no return.

    I guess typing this out makes it easier. And I feel less depressed. But I need advice (not sympathy, cold hard advice).

    Thanks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So.

    I am a compulsive gambler, I gamble because I get next to nothing, I gamble because I'm depressed not because I gamble. But then, I sound even now like I'm trying to justify it. And it's became a problem.

    Let me precursor the trhead by saying my life is empty. Anything you can name I don't have, OK I had a crap start in life. An absolutely disgraceful one. I got good grades at school etc but I never capitalised on them for varying reasons I won't go in to.

    I have "borrowed" money, (all I'll say) and also I have pawned my laptop to get that money back, today, I go to the bookies and from 40 get hte machien up to a point where I could have reimbursed the money and got the laptop out, why did I not collect? Because I couldn;t. I wanted the round figure of £300+ and it didn't tup over, but then I think I'd try to get it to the next multiple of hundred.

    I really need to stop because atm I just feel like **** (ok that's an understatement, I just feel guilt and dread and I was coming over the bridge on the bus and I thought "I may as well just get off and jump off it". these are bad thoughts right?

    But to quit I know I need to replace it with something, I've got a hobby which is basically arty, but I'm falling way short artistically, not bedcause I'm not good enough at the art, but because the nature of the hobby relies on feedback and more but I don't get the feedback for various reasons, I genuinely think, without boasting (and have been told) I'm talented, I have many postive traits and characteristics (yet I still have not found a girlfriend??) I have no social life (none, not one friend, and I just don't know how to excpand it) so in a way, I have nothying to spend money on I win anyway.... It's senseless. I have had the machine up to 750 before and lost everything, it doesn't make you feel good trust me. I've generated all my efforts into my art and it's not reaped the rewards. So, in short, my life is **** and I dion't care either way anymore. BTW I'm in my late twenties.

    I have tried to get a girlfriend. I don't have a platofrm to expand my social life. I have hobbies but they make me even more depressed. So what do I do now? I quit gambling? It's not as simple. But I know if I don't one day I may do soemthing rash.

    But again, I don't care. I'm not a massive drinker anymore but had a bottle of wine last night, and I've been depressed before. but honestly going over that bridge today (I've had those kind of thoughts before) but I feel i could've acted on them.

    And that's not fair on the people I'd leave behind the odd few that do care. Aain I am past the point of no return.

    I guess typing this out makes it easier. And I feel less depressed. But I need advice (not sympathy, cold hard advice).

    Thanks.
    I'll be honest, I know a bit about where you're coming from. I'm much younger but also have nearly no confidence and just felt terrible over the past couple of years with the thought of coming changes.
    The gambling is of course a big problem that won't be overcome easily, but if you can try to reduce how much you lose that might help in a small way.
    I'm also quite a solitary person with just one friend that I've known for about thirteen years now. At times I have felt really bad but playing MMO's actually can be helpful even though people complain about them ruining social life. I disagree on that point as the majority of my social interactions is on there and it really makes me feel better being able to talk with other people about anything.
    Not sure what you can do for dating, I'm not that way orientated, but I'm sure others may have useful advice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So.

    I am a compulsive gambler, I gamble because I get next to nothing, I gamble because I'm depressed not because I gamble. But then, I sound even now like I'm trying to justify it. And it's became a problem.

    Let me precursor the trhead by saying my life is empty. Anything you can name I don't have, OK I had a crap start in life. An absolutely disgraceful one. I got good grades at school etc but I never capitalised on them for varying reasons I won't go in to.

    I have "borrowed" money, (all I'll say) and also I have pawned my laptop to get that money back, today, I go to the bookies and from 40 get hte machien up to a point where I could have reimbursed the money and got the laptop out, why did I not collect? Because I couldn;t. I wanted the round figure of £300+ and it didn't tup over, but then I think I'd try to get it to the next multiple of hundred.

    I really need to stop because atm I just feel like **** (ok that's an understatement, I just feel guilt and dread and I was coming over the bridge on the bus and I thought "I may as well just get off and jump off it". these are bad thoughts right?

    But to quit I know I need to replace it with something, I've got a hobby which is basically arty, but I'm falling way short artistically, not bedcause I'm not good enough at the art, but because the nature of the hobby relies on feedback and more but I don't get the feedback for various reasons, I genuinely think, without boasting (and have been told) I'm talented, I have many postive traits and characteristics (yet I still have not found a girlfriend??) I have no social life (none, not one friend, and I just don't know how to excpand it) so in a way, I have nothying to spend money on I win anyway.... It's senseless. I have had the machine up to 750 before and lost everything, it doesn't make you feel good trust me. I've generated all my efforts into my art and it's not reaped the rewards. So, in short, my life is **** and I dion't care either way anymore. BTW I'm in my late twenties.

    I have tried to get a girlfriend. I don't have a platofrm to expand my social life. I have hobbies but they make me even more depressed. So what do I do now? I quit gambling? It's not as simple. But I know if I don't one day I may do soemthing rash.

    But again, I don't care. I'm not a massive drinker anymore but had a bottle of wine last night, and I've been depressed before. but honestly going over that bridge today (I've had those kind of thoughts before) but I feel i could've acted on them.

    And that's not fair on the people I'd leave behind the odd few that do care. Aain I am past the point of no return.

    I guess typing this out makes it easier. And I feel less depressed. But I need advice (not sympathy, cold hard advice).

    Thanks.
    Definitely find a hobby that takes up the time you'd spend gambling. Don't pick up a hobby you don't like because it won't help. Try something easier, maybe a sport or just going for a run. It doesn't have to be productive, it just needs to take you away from gambling. Maybe try learning something new if there's something you have a particular interest in. You don't have the reap the rewards of a hobby, enjoy it for yourself personally.

    And if you feel like you have thoughts that are bad like your describe I would recommend you speak to someone. The Samaritans have an email system that I've found incredibly beneficial in the past - they are slower to respond but I find the idea of calling them overwhelming, so I email them when I have bad feelings and they really do help.
 
 
 
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