Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I am 23 years of age and have, for the best part of 6 years, struggled with feeling disconnected from people and as if I have no friends. These feelings caused me to drop out of an original university course and seek comfort in the arms of my then boyfriend. However the guilt of not having a group of close female friends, or even just a best friend made me feel down, guilt and a loser who just hangs out with her boyfriend.

    In my current situation I'm in a new city at a new university and I would say I know a lot of people and say hello to a lot of people but I feel like I don't have any real close friends. I graduate in June 2018 and I just keep thinking about the fact I won't have a meaningful graduation photo with a group of friends which everyone seems to have maintained since first year.

    I too, had a big group of friends in first year, but after several akward group shifts I am only close and live with one of them. I would count her as my best friend but we do not hang out just us two and don't have a very close friendship. She still hangs out with all our original first year friends, however I do not feel comfortable enough to. I feel like they think I'm boring, un funny and just akward to be around. I wish i was the sort of person with a big group of friends or even just one or two friends that I could always be linked with. however even though I 'm very out going and confident I feel like I am an introvert who needs time to themselves. This is fine to be an introvert, but even introverts have close best friends. I just seem to lack the skills to make these connections.

    I've always read threads like these but never commented on them, but after 6 years of these feelings, counselling and anti-depressant medication, I feel like it's my time to write something on these forums. Please help me work out if and how I can actually make good long lasting friends.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Hello! Sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment.

    If it makes you feel any better, my closest friends are my husband and my mum! In my honest opinion, having a huge group of friends is overrated. I, like you, am outgoing and don’t struggle to talk to people but I find it difficult to connect to people and consider myself introverted as I get tired after hanging out with people for too long.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by del1rious)
    Hello! Sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment.

    If it makes you feel any better, my closest friends are my husband and my mum! In my honest opinion, having a huge group of friends is overrated. I, like you, am outgoing and don’t struggle to talk to people but I find it difficult to connect to people and consider myself introverted as I get tired after hanging out with people for too long.

    Thank you for your reply! I think I accidentally posted this twice somehow aha. Those are encouraging words. I feel like in life even if we have one or two real good connections then we should be happy as the idea of having lots of friends is a societal structured pressure. However it does just hurt as even if i didn't want that, to try to make these connections and not get them when everyone seems to make it look so easy is just a blow to my self esteem. Feel like I don't have anything to give and constantly self assess myself as to what is wrong with me. I guess I should just celebrate the connections I already have.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your reply! I think I accidentally posted this twice somehow aha. Those are encouraging words. I feel like in life even if we have one or two real good connections then we should be happy as the idea of having lots of friends is a societal structured pressure. However it does just hurt as even if i didn't want that, to try to make these connections and not get them when everyone seems to make it look so easy is just a blow to my self esteem. Feel like I don't have anything to give and constantly self assess myself as to what is wrong with me. I guess I should just celebrate the connections I already have.
    I used to feel this way and envy people who had a huge friendship group and are always posting pictures out together etc, but nowadays I don’t! There is nothing wrong with you (or me!) at all. The only people that matter are the people who will stick by you when things really get bad, I have learned this the hard way hence why outside of my direct family I have about 2 friends who I only see maybe 5 times a year.

    My whole life is about my family and my job and I couldn’t be happier.

    If I were you I would (try to) stop worrying about it and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend and your future (your studies). If you have a good family support unit then focus on that as well, Mum’s make surprisingly good drinking partners!!
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    And also I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with depression. I am currently on medication for anxiety which is a bit different but I know how difficult things can get in your head so if you ever want to chat or just let off steam then drop me a personal message
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • #2
    #2

    I feel this way a lot. I don't have many close friends and rely on my boyfriend, but ive realised I've done well for myself in other areas. It seems like you're being very hard on yourself!! A lot of people are like this, and there's nothing wrong with you.
    • #3
    #3

    I feel the same all my life I have been always on my own there were people you said hello to and asked how they were but otherwise you never spoke. they were not people you could confine in and say how you real feel.It is more of a polite gesture rather than anything meaningful.Perhaps it is better to be on your own than in a group what if they only appear all that but to be honest they do not really trust each other and feel deeply unhappy and lonely too but being a group is some sort of distraction.It is only a suggestion I was never part of any groups so cannot say for sure but only suggest.Reding is a great hobby to have really takes up your time and gives enjoyment I would highly recommend.I myself was recently diagnosed with depression so I have an idea what you could feel like of curse every case is different.I just want you to know that you are not alone to perhaps give you some sort of comfort.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by del1rious)
    I used to feel this way and envy people who had a huge friendship group and are always posting pictures out together etc, but nowadays I don’t! There is nothing wrong with you (or me!) at all. The only people that matter are the people who will stick by you when things really get bad, I have learned this the hard way hence why outside of my direct family I have about 2 friends who I only see maybe 5 times a year.

    My whole life is about my family and my job and I couldn’t be happier.

    If I were you I would (try to) stop worrying about it and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend and your future (your studies). If you have a good family support unit then focus on that as well, Mum’s make surprisingly good drinking partners!!
    Thanks again, I do try to focus on things that are hugely important in my live like my future and the people I do have close to me, I'm very lucky in many ways. I feel like the best way is just to cut myself some slack and accept myself as I am and celebrate the things I do have rather than envy what clearly isn't for me. Being an introvert means the life with all the groups of friends would probably exhaust me.

    I'm also lucky enough to have a fantastic mum, it's the best! haha
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel this way a lot. I don't have many close friends and rely on my boyfriend, but ive realised I've done well for myself in other areas. It seems like you're being very hard on yourself!! A lot of people are like this, and there's nothing wrong with you.
    Thanks, it's good to know that despite everyone putting on a brave face and seeming to have it all together, there are many people who feel the same way as me.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by del1rious)
    And also I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with depression. I am currently on medication for anxiety which is a bit different but I know how difficult things can get in your head so if you ever want to chat or just let off steam then drop me a personal message
    That's really kind of you to offer. I hope the medication for your anxiety works well and I will know who to message if things get too much
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel the same all my life I have been always on my own there were people you said hello to and asked how they were but otherwise you never spoke. they were not people you could confine in and say how you real feel.It is more of a polite gesture rather than anything meaningful.Perhaps it is better to be on your own than in a group what if they only appear all that but to be honest they do not really trust each other and feel deeply unhappy and lonely too but being a group is some sort of distraction.It is only a suggestion I was never part of any groups so cannot say for sure but only suggest.Reding is a great hobby to have really takes up your time and gives enjoyment I would highly recommend.I myself was recently diagnosed with depression so I have an idea what you could feel like of curse every case is different.I just want you to know that you are not alone to perhaps give you some sort of comfort.
    It definitely helps to know I'm not alone. Wouldn't it be great if all the people who said hello to each other casually realised that if they reached out to others, they may actually find the other person is looking to make a deeper connection too.I love reading too and find it's a good way to get away from my thoughts for a while I'm sorry to hear you were also diagnosed with depression, I hope this situation improves. Your reply really did give me comfort and I'll be here if you ever need to chat.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 10, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.