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    I am 23 years of age and have, for the best part of 6 years, struggled with feeling disconnected from people and as if I have no friends. These feelings caused me to drop out of an original university course and seek comfort in the arms of my then boyfriend. However the guilt of not having a group of close female friends, or even just a best friend made me feel down, guilt and a loser who just hangs out with her boyfriend.

    In my current situation I'm in a new city at a new university and I would say I know a lot of people and say hello to a lot of people but I feel like I don't have any real close friends. I graduate in June 2018 and I just keep thinking about the fact I won't have a meaningful graduation photo with a group of friends which everyone seems to have maintained since first year.

    I too, had a big group of friends in first year, but after several akward group shifts I am only close and live with one of them. I would count her as my best friend but we do not hang out just us two and don't have a very close friendship. She still hangs out with all our original first year friends, however I do not feel comfortable enough to. I feel like they think I'm boring, un funny and just akward to be around. I wish i was the sort of person with a big group of friends or even just one or two friends that I could always be linked with. however even though I 'm very out going and confident I feel like I am an introvert who needs time to themselves. This is fine to be an introvert, but even introverts have close best friends. I just seem to lack the skills to make these connections.

    I've always read threads like these but never commented on them, but after 6 years of these feelings, counselling and anti-depressant medication, I feel like it's my time to write something on these forums. Please help me work out if and how I can actually make good long lasting friends.
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    God, I know how you feel.
    I also had the worst **** happen to me and it left me without a direction and without real friends.
    I don't really know what advice to give you but you could just hangout with your boyfriend and kinda join his circle of friends.
    If all else fails I only have friends online. I use discord alot and chat daily with people from the US, Australia and Europe. It's not the best option but watching movies together can be extremely fun.
    Alternatively: What hobbies do you have? What did you always want to do?
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    Thanks for the reply. It sucks really. Good advice about hanging out with my bf and I'm really lucky to have him and get along well with his friends, but I just feel a little like a fraud about not having my own circle. I'm glad you can chat to people online and get connections that way. I guess if you enjoy them and benefit from that, no one can see it isn't a valid way to make good friends.

    I'd say I'm average on the hobbies, I listen to music, films, t.v series etc and keep up with popular culture etc. i don't really do sports and joined teams in the past in a bid to make friends, and as much as I did make some connections, not any really close friends, and because I wasn't really good/fussed about the sports I feel i didn't stick it out and attended it all the time to make those real connections.

    I guess what I really want to know if if it ever gets too late to 'find' best friends. In the past I've definitely had those connections with people around the world but then I move back to the UK and it drifts apart. I just feel like Uni is my last time to really get that group, and with only 8 months or so left I don't really see that happening. Anyone out there been lost with no one they connect with and then found people/someone at a later age?
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    (Original post by rachelesmee204)
    I am 23 years of age and have, for the best part of 6 years, struggled with feeling disconnected from people and as if I have no friends. These feelings caused me to drop out of an original university course and seek comfort in the arms of my then boyfriend. However the guilt of not having a group of close female friends, or even just a best friend made me feel down, guilt and a loser who just hangs out with her boyfriend.

    In my current situation I'm in a new city at a new university and I would say I know a lot of people and say hello to a lot of people but I feel like I don't have any real close friends. I graduate in June 2018 and I just keep thinking about the fact I won't have a meaningful graduation photo with a group of friends which everyone seems to have maintained since first year.

    I too, had a big group of friends in first year, but after several akward group shifts I am only close and live with one of them. I would count her as my best friend but we do not hang out just us two and don't have a very close friendship. She still hangs out with all our original first year friends, however I do not feel comfortable enough to. I feel like they think I'm boring, un funny and just akward to be around. I wish i was the sort of person with a big group of friends or even just one or two friends that I could always be linked with. however even though I 'm very out going and confident I feel like I am an introvert who needs time to themselves. This is fine to be an introvert, but even introverts have close best friends. I just seem to lack the skills to make these connections.

    I've always read threads like these but never commented on them, but after 6 years of these feelings, counselling and anti-depressant medication, I feel like it's my time to write something on these forums. Please help me work out if and how I can actually make good long lasting friends.
    I know exactly what it is like being in your situation.

    Don't worry too much about not having friends at uni. In my case anyway once you out of uni it's every man for himself! They got a new life to worry about
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    (Original post by wa5ted)
    I know exactly what it is like being in your situation.

    Don't worry too much about not having friends at uni. In my case anyway once you out of uni it's every man for himself! They got a new life to worry about
    Hey thanks for your reply. When you say you've felt that way, have things improved since then or you just know the feeling as you feel it now?
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    (Original post by rachelesmee204)
    Thanks for the reply. It sucks really. Good advice about hanging out with my bf and I'm really lucky to have him and get along well with his friends, but I just feel a little like a fraud about not having my own circle. I'm glad you can chat to people online and get connections that way. I guess if you enjoy them and benefit from that, no one can see it isn't a valid way to make good friends.

    I'd say I'm average on the hobbies, I listen to music, films, t.v series etc and keep up with popular culture etc. i don't really do sports and joined teams in the past in a bid to make friends, and as much as I did make some connections, not any really close friends, and because I wasn't really good/fussed about the sports I feel i didn't stick it out and attended it all the time to make those real connections.

    I guess what I really want to know if if it ever gets too late to 'find' best friends. In the past I've definitely had those connections with people around the world but then I move back to the UK and it drifts apart. I just feel like Uni is my last time to really get that group, and with only 8 months or so left I don't really see that happening. Anyone out there been lost with no one they connect with and then found people/someone at a later age?
    I get what you are saying about sports. I think that you had the right idea but the wrong approach. Find something what you really care about because then you can find like minded people. I'd say don't limit yourself to sports. There are a billion other activities. You said a few of your hobbies are tv shows and music. I can't think about activities that are related to these but think broader. You are at Uni so there could be a physical board or a thread about activities that others do. I found a DnD club (I know how nerdy that is) this way but there were also art and photography groups, literature clubs and much more. Also as dumb as this sounds there are platforms on the internet to find friends. The subreddit /r/meetpeople is where I found a few like-minded people and there are many site / reddits like it.
    Also you could organise a get together with a wider circle of your Bf's friends. Like at his next birthday invite all of his friends but also their partners and so on.
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    (Original post by rachelesmee204)
    Hey thanks for your reply. When you say you've felt that way, have things improved since then or you just know the feeling as you feel it now?
    Sorry for the late response.

    So literally, whilst I was in my final year at university I had a gut feeling that the people on my course would literally forget me and others when they went out of those uni doors. Sure I may have went to social events but I didn't really have friends at university. In fact, I do not regret it one bit. Why you may ask? Because the couple of friends I did make at university literally kinda used me and forgot me. Even my best mate from college who went to university with me kinda forgot me.

    At graduation, the only true 100 people that were there were my family. And you know what, I am truly grateful for that. I don't care if I wasn't with a group of friends. I think my parents did ask me if I didn't have friends but I smiled and said family comes first.

    Post graduation, I worked a job but I am unemployed at the moment. I like you am lonely and don't have friends. I suffer from depression, although I am fighting it on my own and I will now seriously reconsider my new friend circle.

    Don't worry about friends at university, you pay for a degree not friends. Your degree matters the most - trust me. The employer only cares about your grade.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by wa5ted)
    Don't worry about friends at university, you pay for a degree not friends. Your degree matters the most - trust me. The employer only cares about your grade.

    Good luck
    This, quite frankly is incorrect - employers put alot of weight on social and communication skills and wont give a damn about a first if you cant maintain eye contact and speak appropriately.

    A lack of friends/a social life damages these important skills immensely. I have done informational interviews with many STEM 1st class graduates who lacked these skills but are trying to improve as they’ve noitced it’s the root cause of their issues in finding employment. God only knows how many are sitting in denial blaming the world for their lack of employment despite their grades.
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    It was the same for me in sixth form - 0 friends at a new place and 2 years of awkwardness. Uni I did meet a couple of people I got on with well.

    I'll say this - uni isn't the last place you'll meet cool people. When you start working, you'll meet new people and potentially hang around with them. My mate's worked at a place for about a year and he's become really close friends with a couple of people there, and they hang out quite often now too. Work I guess is like an extension of uni in some senses.

    I wouldn't lament the loss of old friendship circles too much, it's natural and happens all the time. I've got so many old friends that I was close too and would like to be closer to but for one reason or the other we've drifted apart. As a result it makes me appreciate the people I am close to even more.
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    well you could either spend time trying to build those skills or find something to keep you busy and not thinking about it?
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