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Muslim parents refuse to let me move away for uni Watch

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    My parents have been controlling my life so much that they're stopping me from make use of opportunities because I'm a girl... and I can't live alone and I can't travel more than 48 miles, and t and they force me to wear a scarf.

    I sent off my UCAS application today and all the unis I've applied to are out of London because i'm so dissatisfied with my life right now and I want to have my own independence and not be subjected to their ridiculous rules. I've tried talking to them about it but they refuse to let me leave and I've tried to persuade them so many times but they won't budge at all.

    I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me? what if I run out of money? What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
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    No parent has the right to control their children. If you want to study outside of London then do it, you will just regret not going. I''ll be blunt, if your parents don't want you to leave despite your wish to then they don't care about your happiness and if you do go and they end up stop talking to you, then they weren't good parents at all, real parents will be happy if their child is happy.
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    (Original post by VerAl1504)
    No parent has the right to control their children. If you want to study outside of London then do it, you will just regret not going. I''ll be blunt, if your parents don't want you to leave despite your wish to then they don't care about your happiness and if you do go and they end up stop talking to you, then they weren't good parents at all, real parents will be happy if their child is happy.
    I'm just scared... If i end up hating uni then I'll just be proving them right. I'm scared that I'll end up feeling isolated at uni. I just wanna study and have a good time... but what if it all goes wrong??
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    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    I'm just scared... If i end up hating uni then I'll just be proving them right. I'm scared that I'll end up feeling isolated at uni. I just wanna study and have a good time... but what if it all goes wrong??
    Welcome to the real world. At some point, we all have to take a leap into the unknown. You seem to have good reason to want to make it work, so go for it. Good luck.
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    Hey,

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. What I would suggest is get a job immediately so you can save up as much as you can, if, worst case scenario, your parents cut you off. Does the college/sixth form you go to offer some paid jobs for sixth formers to do at school? For e.g. mentoring younger students, community service etc. My school does and the hourly rates we are paid here are better than some normal jobs so do look into that for your own school! If not, look for a weekend job that doesn't require you to stay out too long (from what I can tell, your parents probably wouldn't be too pleased to see you coming home late at night from work).

    Perhaps you've already tried this but really try to talk to them as well -- sit them down one day and attempt a civil discussion one more time. If you know they'd never listen then it wouldn't do you harm to lie a little bit. Give them fake statistics, like how 45% of students in London unis graduate with practically worthless degrees and 50% of top graduates across the country come from unis that are outside of London [it would be helpful if you mentioned some of the unis you applied to as the most "successful" unis]. Tell them that women are more in danger of being in London unis then they are in Unis outside of London etc. Make up some fake articles and come home from school one day, and tell them some recent news about the increase of crime around London unis. Normally I'd say it's kind of terrible to lie to your parents, but if they really want to hold you back from achieving your dreams and being happy, then maybe they're not very deserving of the truth. When your parents, or ANYONE, is getting in the way of your happiness then you've got to take a stand, otherwise you'll end up trying to please people for the rest of your life and being miserable, and constantly thinking of "What ifs".

    To avoid the risk of being physically harmed/stopped by your parents, ask one of your friends in advance if it'd be okay for you to stay over at theirs in case there is an emergency. Leave a bag of clothes/other necessities at theirs so if anything goes bad, you can run over to theirs. Put them on your emergency contacts on your phone so you can call them quickly if your parents start threatening violence, so they can come over to get you. Obviously I really hope it never has to come down to this, as ultimately I'm sure your parents' over protectiveness comes out of love and concern for you. If they really have your best interests at heart, they will, even reluctantly, allow you to go to your desired university. Also, don't tell them you have applied to out-of-London universities until AFTER you are sure they would be okay with it. And when you do tell them, make it seem as though you've recently applied, as if you did it after you got their "permission". Controlling parents like to hear that they are the main and only influence of decisions, so that might even please them.

    All the best to you and remember that your dreams are very, very important. Let nothing, not even the fear of losing your parents, limit you from reaching your highest potential. Life is too short to let people who supposedly love you stop you from enjoying it! Good luck! <3
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    (Original post by katy__)
    Hey,

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. What I would suggest is get a job immediately so you can save up as much as you can, if, worst case scenario, your parents cut you off. Does the college/sixth form you go to offer some paid jobs for sixth formers to do at school? For e.g. mentoring younger students, community service etc. My school does and the hourly rates we are paid here are better than some normal jobs so do look into that for your own school! If not, look for a weekend job that doesn't require you to stay out too long (from what I can tell, your parents probably wouldn't be too pleased to see you coming home late at night from work).

    Perhaps you've already tried this but really try to talk to them as well -- sit them down one day and attempt a civil discussion one more time. If you know they'd never listen then it wouldn't do you harm to lie a little bit. Give them fake statistics, like how 45% of students in London unis graduate with practically worthless degrees and 50% of top graduates across the country come from unis that are outside of London [it would be helpful if you mentioned some of the unis you applied to as the most "successful" unis]. Tell them that women are more in danger of being in London unis then they are in Unis outside of London etc. Make up some fake articles and come home from school one day, and tell them some recent news about the increase of crime around London unis. Normally I'd say it's kind of terrible to lie to your parents, but if they really want to hold you back from achieving your dreams and being happy, then maybe they're not very deserving of the truth. When your parents, or ANYONE, is getting in the way of your happiness then you've got to take a stand, otherwise you'll end up trying to please people for the rest of your life and being miserable, and constantly thinking of "What ifs".

    To avoid the risk of being physically harmed/stopped by your parents, ask one of your friends in advance if it'd be okay for you to stay over at theirs in case there is an emergency. Leave a bag of clothes/other necessities at theirs so if anything goes bad, you can run over to theirs. Put them on your emergency contacts on your phone so you can call them quickly if your parents start threatening violence, so they can come over to get you. Obviously I really hope it never has to come down to this, as ultimately I'm sure your parents' over protectiveness comes out of love and concern for you. If they really have your best interests at heart, they will, even reluctantly, allow you to go to your desired university. Also, don't tell them you have applied to out-of-London universities until AFTER you are sure they would be okay with it. And when you do tell them, make it seem as though you've recently applied, as if you did it after you got their "permission". Controlling parents like to hear that they are the main and only influence of decisions, so that might even please them.

    All the best to you and remember that your dreams are very, very important. Let nothing, not even the fear of losing your parents, limit you from reaching your highest potential. Life is too short to let people who supposedly love you stop you from enjoying it! Good luck! <3

    Thanks for the advice

    I already have a job.. I've had one since 15 but only this year I've started saving for uni.

    The things is I've tried lying to them but I have a brother who commuted to a uni in London and they know a lot of Asian Muslim girls who are commuting. They want me to do exactly what Asian Muslim girls are supposed to do. Their not inexperienced so it's a bit difficult to make them actually believe ****.

    I have no friends that I would feel comfortable staying at their house... my parents have always refused to let me sleepover at friends house. I was once at a friends house really late so i asked my mum if i could stay over.. my mum forced my friends dad to drive me home late at night.

    I know.. I'm trying to make the best of my life and I know you are trying to help but my parents and siblings are tough to crack. We're a really stubborn family.
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    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    Thanks for the advice

    I already have a job.. I've had one since 15 but only this year I've started saving for uni.

    The things is I've tried lying to them but I have a brother who commuted to a uni in London and they know a lot of Asian Muslim girls who are commuting. They want me to do exactly what Asian Muslim girls are supposed to do. Their not inexperienced so it's a bit difficult to make them actually believe ****.

    I have no friends that I would feel comfortable staying at their house... my parents have always refused to let me sleepover at friends house. I was once at a friends house really late so i asked my mum if i could stay over.. my mum forced my friends dad to drive me home late at night.

    I know.. I'm trying to make the best of my life and I know you are trying to help but my parents and siblings are tough to crack. We're a really stubborn family.

    What about your brother? I'm sure he would be able to talk some sense into your parents. I am assuming that because your brother has had the experience of being a youth in uni, he would perhaps be more modern in his way of thinking than your parents. And even though your parents may be experienced themselves, you could always tell them that a LOT of reforms are being made by the education system that have changed the schooling system since they've left education, and you could say that one of the reforms of the education system was that it has made unis outside of London better-equipped for students.

    If you get to a point where you're really desperate, please just inform a teacher. Asian parents usually really respect a teacher's opinion highly (my mum is South Asian, and she always tells me that a teacher is someone to be looked upon with the highest form of respect). Organize a meeting between your parents and your teacher (preferably your favourite teacher or the teacher that teaches the subject you're applying for at uni). Let your teacher do the talking, and your stubborn parents might just give in. In any case, letting another trusted adult know about your predicament will give you a more secure back-up support in case of emergencies.
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    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    Thanks for the advice

    I already have a job.. I've had one since 15 but only this year I've started saving for uni.

    The things is I've tried lying to them but I have a brother who commuted to a uni in London and they know a lot of Asian Muslim girls who are commuting. They want me to do exactly what Asian Muslim girls are supposed to do. Their not inexperienced so it's a bit difficult to make them actually believe ****.

    I have no friends that I would feel comfortable staying at their house... my parents have always refused to let me sleepover at friends house. I was once at a friends house really late so i asked my mum if i could stay over.. my mum forced my friends dad to drive me home late at night.

    I know.. I'm trying to make the best of my life and I know you are trying to help but my parents and siblings are tough to crack. We're a really stubborn family.
    Your Muslim parents will ruin your social life at university if you decide to stay with them. If you want to move out then go for it. If your parents disown you for going against your wishes, then be grateful that you have gotten rid of one toxic relationship from your life and no longer have to deal with their BS.
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    Please. The fact that your parents are 'muslim' doesn't make this situation any more serious, true etc. I have a muslim friend and his parents are the most loving and caring people you could ever find. Many parents are concerned about the welfare of their children particularly daughters, due to the rising number of assaults occurring in places like London, specifically acid attacks (numbers are escalating and cases do go unreported as girls feel 'ashamed to come forward').

    I don't know the details of your situation, but what I would advise you is do not mistake genuine concern as oppressive control and do not mistake Islam as the cause for your problems. I'll tell you one thing I was ignorant of the religion and the statistics until I started studying, one thing I can safely say is there's so much more too learn as Islam is a vast field of study, issues aren't always black and white but some are the fact that oppression is frowned upon and regarded as one of the worst of sins is a common example.

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    (Original post by liquidconfidence)
    I find it immature that all the unis you applied to were outside of London simply because you are 'dissatisfied with your life and want independence'.
    It's their life to do with as they will. They clearly want to escape the controlling environment that they'e in. Who are you to say that they're 'immature' for that?

    (Original post by liquidconfidence)
    Also no offence but the fact that you felt the need to include 'Muslim parents' in the thread title is partly why there's so much islamophobia right now.

    What's the fact that they're Muslim got to do with it? Many strict parents don't want their sons/daughters travelling outside the city for a number of reasons.

    You're living in THEIR house. Using THEIR bills and facilities. Yes, you may think that you're an 'adult' but you rely on them for a lot so if they don't want you unnecessarily commuting outside of London for uni then coming back using their resources when you choose, they are not evil people (and yes you can argue it's unnecessary because there's Kings, UCL, Imperial and I bet you haven't even applied to unis that good outside of London).
    Do you know the OP's parents? Didn't think so.

    (Original post by Lychee627)
    Agreed like why did we have to know your parents are Muslim Op?
    Islamic communities often have rather backward views on women. They are not afforded the same freedoms as men.
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      (Original post by RogerOxon)
      It's their life to do with as they will. They clearly want to escape the controlling environment that they'e in. Who are you to say that they're 'immature' for that?


      Do you know the OP's parents? Didn't think so.


      Islamic communities often have rather backward views on women. They are not afforded the same freedoms as men.
      Neither did you , are you keen to know , if so , why?
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      (Original post by Lychee627)
      Neither did you , are you keen to know , if so , why?
      Your reply doesn't make sense. Could you elaborate on what you're asking?
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        (Original post by RogerOxon)
        Your reply doesn't make sense. Could you elaborate on what you're asking?
        Why are you so keen to know Op's parents are muslim? ( I am just saying on your reply to liquidconfidence)
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          (Original post by RogerOxon)
          It's their life to do with as they will. They clearly want to escape the controlling environment that they'e in. Who are you to say that they're 'immature' for that?


          Do you know the OP's parents? Didn't think so.


          Islamic communities often have rather backward views on women. They are not afforded the same freedoms as men.
          This isnt even about women? Op said her brother studied in London?
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          (Original post by liquidconfidence)
          I find it immature that all the unis you applied to were outside of London simply because you are 'dissatisfied with your life and want independence'. Sounds like a really poor decision, maybe that's why they don't give you independence.
          How the **** is wanting independence, immature? This is one of the number one reason why people leave their parent's homes to live by themselves and there is nothing wrong with it.
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          (Original post by Lychee627)
          Why are you so keen to know Op's parents are muslim? ( I am just saying on your reply to liquidconfidence)
          I'm not. We were, essentially, told that they are. It suggests to me that their controlling nature will not change when the OP is 18.
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          (Original post by liquidconfidence)
          How can they force you to wear a scarf? What's so bad about covering your hair anyway?
          Seems weird to say that they're not forcing her to wear the hijab but then nudge her towards that anyway, and imply that if she doesn't do so she's just selfish and sulking...
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          (Original post by Lychee627)
          This isnt even about women? Op said her brother studied in London?
          Neither of those is actually questions, despite your punctuation.

          What have you concluded from the single fact that her brother studied in London?
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          (Original post by Lychee627)
          But like the question is why were we told? Does it really matter? Not only muslim parents do this?
          the parent's cultural background will obviously influence their decision though...
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            (Original post by RogerOxon)
            Neither of those is actually questions, despite your punctuation.

            What have you concluded from the single fact that her brother studied in London?
            That its not just about women? Parents sometimes dont let men go outside either, so it doesnt even matter about women :facepalm:
            (Original post by _gcx)
            the parent's cultural background will obviously influence their decision though...
            I admit it will but what will Tsr do if her parents are muslim?
            Like it doesnt change the fact her parents aren't letting her outside London?
            And one more thing , had it been Christianity , do you think OP would have said my "Christian parents...." , I doubt it tbh but yeah I was just wondering
           
           
           
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