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Muslim parents refuse to let me move away for uni Watch

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    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    thats based on interpretation. I've tried to use that on my parents but they refuse to make any exceptions or even believe it because my bro in law who is an alim doesn't recommend it either.
    Im not giving you any reason to leave home. Im just stating the correct ruling behind your statement.
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    (Original post by Someboady)
    Hey,
    I was in a similar position (although I'm not a girl) last year and I'm now studying at a University of my choice and on good terms with my family. Even though they refused to budge... I went ahead and chose the universities I wanted to and we clashed many a time until they started to accept I was going to leave.

    Don't think of your parents as monsters, naturally they'd cling more so than other parents especially since its a Muslim family. The protectiveness is understandable and university its easy for people to change completely!

    Communication is key. and don't blow anything out of proportion. I argued with my parents up to a week before I moved out even though they had accepted it. I was threatened with disownment when I first suggested moving far away for University.

    Trust me I have been in your position and regardless of your parents background they WILL come around. It's desperate ploys they're using to stop you from moving out. (Don't think of it as leaving)

    Feel free to PM me if you need more advice.

    omg this is exactly what I needed. I've been thinking the same thing that eventually they will have to accept it. And the things is i don't want to destroy the rleationship with my fam either so Im trying to talk to them about and I really hope hope hope that they will come around.
    thanks so much!! )
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    (Original post by liquidconfidence)
    That's not what I said. Read before you respond next time.

    My point is the fact that she specifically applied to universities outside London (despite the fact that there are high-ranking unis within the city) is immature because she never really made an informed choice did she?

    It's like someone who lives in Oxford saying: 'oh I never applied for any unis in Oxford because my Muslim parents are so strict and I'm dissatisfied with my life and want independence'.

    Duh.
    I live in Oxford and im moving out because my mum is too strict to let me do things such as - stay late out in the LIBRARY because the home is too loud, I am dissatisfied with my life, I want to be able to feel like the adult I am and not have her make me follow rules at home such as EXTRA cleaning, bedtimes, not allowed to go on sleep overs/be allowed to have friends over. I want independence. I dont think there is anything wrong with this? I want to be able to have a say in how I live and not be treated like a 13 year old girl going through puberty.
    It is NORMAL. When you go through these experiences, thats when you realise.
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    (Original post by liquidconfidence)
    I find it immature that all the unis you applied to were outside of London simply because you are 'dissatisfied with your life and want independence'. Sounds like a really poor decision, maybe that's why they don't give you independence.

    Clearly they can't physically stop you and by the looks of it you've disrespected your parents so blatantly that I doubt they'd let you back. Better get a job and start saving
    It is her life and her parents should help her rather than control her life. They should place some trust in her. My parents are also Muslims but they don't control my life. I am 17 and I have been living on my own since I was 15 (start of year 10) because my dad is always overseas with the Navy and my mother is a doctor and she lives with my younger and older sister in the North. If my parents were like hers, I would still be in a **** town doing my A-levels and getting nowhere. Instead, I now go to a grammar school which has been in the top 5 schools over the past couple of years.

    There is no point of her living with her parents if they are going to ruin her life. OP, I would first of all suggest talking to them and discussing your future with them. Talk to your parents and blatantly tell them about her decisions and what you want to do in your life.
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    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    My parents have been controlling my life so much that they're stopping me from make use of opportunities because I'm a girl... and I can't live alone and I can't travel more than 48 miles, and t and they force me to wear a scarf.

    I sent off my UCAS application today and all the unis I've applied to are out of London because i'm so dissatisfied with my life right now and I want to have my own independence and not be subjected to their ridiculous rules. I've tried talking to them about it but they refuse to let me leave and I've tried to persuade them so many times but they won't budge at all.

    I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me? what if I run out of money? What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
    out of curiosity what ethnicity are you? ie. Arab, Indian, Bengali, Pakistani etc??
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      (Original post by MiszShortee786)
      You would understand if you 'follow' Islam.
      Ikr
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      (Original post by lostplot)
      out of curiosity what ethnicity are you? ie. Arab, Indian, Bengali, Pakistani etc??
      my dad's indian and my mums pakistani
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      Is the unis you have chosen really far (3+ hours) ? Btw you should take your parents to the open days with you, if you plan to go .
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      (Original post by adamantacademic)
      Wheres the question and how is inheritance sexist?
      I don't have time to requote what I already posted.

      If you're a Muslim, you will know the rules on inheritance.

      It's off-topic. I'm done.
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      I'm in the exact same boat, my parents want me to study in London only, mainly to cut costs on accomodation and also to regulate my 'behaviour' and 'activities' *sigh*. All of my cousins (females too) say that I should go somewhere outside of London, because theres no point paying £9k a year for a few hundred powerpoint slides, and you don't ever get really close with friends if you live at home. Better to get the full experience. I hear that you 'find yourself' in uni to and it makes sense, i've been starved of freedom tbh and I want to start taking charge of my life :// (justanotherchica, go to all the open days with your friends bc i doubt your parents will agree to even go and pick the best one lol good luck)
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      (Original post by liquidconfidence)
      You've completely missed the point. I suggest you scroll up and thoroughly read what's been said.
      Lol, that's a bit hypocritical, maybe when you stop saying ''whats wrong with covering your hair'' to forced hijabis you can tell me I missed the point.
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      (Original post by liquidconfidence)
      No one was being forced to wear a hijab so yes, you need to throughly read what was said.
      Well actually she had said she was forced to wear hijab and you responded saying whats wrong with covering your hair before any of her other 'clarifications' were mentionned.
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      (Original post by islemcea)
      I live in Oxford and im moving out because my mum is too strict to let me do things such as - stay late out in the LIBRARY because the home is too loud, I am dissatisfied with my life, I want to be able to feel like the adult I am and not have her make me follow rules at home such as EXTRA cleaning, bedtimes, not allowed to go on sleep overs/be allowed to have friends over. I want independence. I dont think there is anything wrong with this? I want to be able to have a say in how I live and not be treated like a 13 year old girl going through puberty.
      It is NORMAL. When you go through these experiences, thats when you realise.
      I agree that's totally reasonable and tbh it's good to know that there are other people who actually understand my situation. We all just need to support eachother
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      (Original post by liquidconfidence)
      No one was being forced to wear a hijab so yes, you need to throughly read what was said.
      Its you that needs to thoroughly read the original post by OP. She said she was forced to wear the hijab.
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      (Original post by sudent)
      I'm in the exact same boat, my parents want me to study in London only, mainly to cut costs on accomodation and also to regulate my 'behaviour' and 'activities' *sigh*. All of my cousins (females too) say that I should go somewhere outside of London, because theres no point paying £9k a year for a few hundred powerpoint slides, and you don't ever get really close with friends if you live at home. Better to get the full experience. I hear that you 'find yourself' in uni to and it makes sense, i've been starved of freedom tbh and I want to start taking charge of my life :// (justanotherchica, go to all the open days with your friends bc i doubt your parents will agree to even go and pick the best one lol good luck)
      thank you so much! I agree, i think uni is more than just studying. It's about taking the next step towards independence and learning how to live on your own. Also so many of my teachers vhae said you make life log friends by living in uni. Good luck to you too! let me know if you make it too
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      Is it in the Koran?
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      (Original post by liquidconfidence)
      I find it immature that all the unis you applied to were outside of London simply because you are 'dissatisfied with your life and want independence'. Sounds like a really poor decision, maybe that's why they don't give you independence.

      Clearly they can't physically stop you and by the looks of it you've disrespected your parents so blatantly that I doubt they'd let you back. Better get a job and start saving
      Pardon me for the crude wording but you sound pretty butt-hurt.

      It's not a poor decision for her in the long-term, it's good that she doesn't feel so controlled by them that she's not exploring other options and there's no overt 'disrespect' in trying to become an adult and gain independence. A lot of children move far away and parents even encourage it. It would be acceptable if they were just worried and warning her but blackmail and threats suggest they are too controlling.
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      (Original post by Maker)
      Is it in the Koran?
      What do you mean?
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      (Original post by MiszShortee786)
      What do you mean?
      Is not letting your daughter leave home in the Koran?
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      (Original post by Maker)
      Is not letting your daughter leave home in the Koran?
      Course not. Islam does not prison the women you know.
     
     
     
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