Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Muslim parents refuse to let me move away for uni Watch

    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    I understand what you're going through because I was kind of in the same situation (but my parents were way less strict). They wanted me to change my uni course because they don't offer it where I live but I had a few chats with them which didn't really help. A few things that helped were speaking to some family members that supported my decision and getting them to speak to my parents. Also, speaking to people who your parents highly regard (we know someone who works within politics and my parents for some reason really trust her) so i spoke to her and she had a chat with them.

    At the end of the day, i said to my parents that i would change my uni course and stay where I am if they paid back all my student debt. I wasn't going to do a course I didnt like and then end up paying for it. And I think that's when they realised that I was passionate about my subject and I wasnt going to move out because I wanted to party or whatever.

    My parents know I'm not a 'bad' girl (by their standards) as I havent ever done anything to prove them otherwise. I suggest you bring that in as well. Tell them you havent ever broken their trust before, why should you start now? You're a mature adult now not a moody teen. Tell them that they have raised you to be a certain way and you wouldnt ever go against it because you know how they raised you was right (basically all this garbage to make them happy). Just convinve them you wont go out partying/drinking/clubbing whatever.

    Worst comes to worst, they still disagree. You get offers from all 5 unis. You get thhe grades. You get in. They don't know your track password. They cant click decline. They'll say theyll disown you but I very highly doubt it. It's just a form of deterance.

    Wish you luck!
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    Good luck to you too! let me know if you make it too
    Will do! Are you in year 12 rn, what are you planning to study
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by y.u.mad.bro?)
    It is her life and her parents should help her rather than control her life. They should place some trust in her. My parents are also Muslims but they don't control my life. I am 17 and I have been living on my own since I was 15 (start of year 10) because my dad is always overseas with the Navy and my mother is a doctor and she lives with my younger and older sister in the North. If my parents were like hers, I would still be in a **** town doing my A-levels and getting nowhere. Instead, I now go to a grammar school which has been in the top 5 schools over the past couple of years.

    There is no point of her living with her parents if they are going to ruin her life. OP, I would first of all suggest talking to them and discussing your future with them. Talk to your parents and blatantly tell them about her decisions and what you want to do in your life.
    The grammar school you mention isnt in Essex, by any chance, is it?
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by islemcea)
    Okay first of all I agree that she shouldnt have emphasised on the 'muslim' parents bit. But forcing someone to wear hijab is not okay! In Islam, you have to WANT to wear hijab. ''whats so bad about covering your hair?'' that she cant do it out of her own will 100% and thats WRONG. that shows that her parents think they can make her life choices for her. If you are following religion out of fear or because you are forced to do so that takes away all of its purpose.
    Just because shes living in their house and using their bills it doesnt mean it is okay to force her to stay at home. Getting a full uni experience to begin your adulthood has been proved to help teenagers to become independant which is an important skill.
    Maybe shes not good enough to go UCL, Kings or Imperial? Maybe she wants to change cities...?
    Totally agree. I have a Muslim friend who is very conservative in some ways- no dating, no dating outside her religionn- but also very modern in others. She made her choice on what she's comfortable with and her parents, both devout Muslims, are totally fine with it because they get that not wearing a hijab etc. doesnt make you less of a good Muslim. You have to balance between religion and what's good for your children if you are going to be religious.

    Also, that thing about not being good enough for UCL- I have a few friends who got in with Bs and Cs in one or two of their science AS levels. Medicine selection is very odd
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Hi, I think you need to stop moaning and listen to your parents. They have your best interests at heart.
    Online

    8
    ReputationRep:
    I know this might be hard to hear but listen to your parents. A lot of people saying "you don't need your parents" or "your parents can't control you" are most likely leeching off of their parents' every cent. They have no idea how hard it is, mentally and financially, to live without the help of your parents. "University life" is a scam. If you're going to university for the sole reason of partying and escaping your strict parents then you're an idiot with a lifetime of debt. The best thing to do is to study hard so you can earn so much money that you get to live the life you've always deserved.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    I'd suggest contacting the Islamic Society of the university in London you've applied to, perhaps a representative from there could talk to your parents?

    I wouldn't recommend letting them know about your other applications.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by adamantacademic)
    I passionately dispute, let's be honest your only source of Islam is a few headlines and skim reads of papers, the oldest degree awarding uni was founded by a muslim woman (al-Fihri), or what about Al Aslamia a medical doctor hailed by this muslim community you slander, or even Nusayba a women described by Muslim Clerics as being 'better than a thousand men' she was a warrior who defended the Prophet Muhammed, the Prophet of Islam prayed for this woman and her family, he didn't however tell her to get back in the house. Please discard your prejudices, having read a mere sample of Islamic heritage and learn this religion for yourself!
    I'm not blaming Islam for people having backwards views on women, but I do agree that a lot of Muslim men think that women are lesser. Not because of reading some headlines, but because I know a lot of people who think like that... just because you came up with a few examples of great Muslim (and not sent back to the kitchen) women, that doesn't mean that a lot of Muslim men won't send back their wives to the kitchen. . . also, what about Iran not letting women enter football matches, or Saudi Arabia only recently allowing women to drive? Is that only some fake-news headline or perhaps backwards views on women?
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    Your parents aren’t going to be there all your life it’s better to let go Soon and during uni stage this may be the time you can be most free! This happens with many girls in my school I hope they do let you x
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • Welcome Squad
    Online

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by HistoryWhiz6)
    The grammar school you mention isnt in Essex, by any chance, is it?
    No it isnt.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    My parents have been controlling my life so much that they're stopping me from make use of opportunities because I'm a girl... and I can't live alone and I can't travel more than 48 miles, and t and they force me to wear a scarf.

    I sent off my UCAS application today and all the unis I've applied to are out of London because i'm so dissatisfied with my life right now and I want to have my own independence and not be subjected to their ridiculous rules. I've tried talking to them about it but they refuse to let me leave and I've tried to persuade them so many times but they won't budge at all.

    I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me? what if I run out of money? What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
    Just read the Qur'an and ask Allah for help and be patient.
    • Community Assistant
    Online

    18
    ReputationRep:
    Your life, your choice.

    No parent can control you.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Coming from a Muslim girl who is also applying to uni. you need to put your foot down and tell your parents to stop meddling.Eg. Have an adult discussion with them, sit them down and explain the situation to them. screaming at them will do no good. If nothing else works, go any way they cant force you to do something you don't want.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    You have absolutely no right to be controlled by your parents, and I think you know that. This is your life and your choice for everything - if you don't want to wear a scarf, you shouldn't have to. Being a girl is the worst reason I have ever heard for not travelling or living alone - this is the 21st century. I understand that you're scared, but this is your entire life we're talking about. There is plenty of support for finances and your entire life if you need it- your parents won't hate you or disown you. It will be hard, and that's just that, but once you take the leap, go away for university and fulfill your dreams they will understand and it'll all turn out better in the end, even if it's a tough journey to get there. Could you imagine yourself, living next to your childhood home with no university qualification and never having travelled because your parents won't let you? No. so don't let them control you - do what you want. Good luck and best wishes.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by laitankoko)
    I know this might be hard to hear but listen to your parents. A lot of people saying "you don't need your parents" or "your parents can't control you" are most likely leeching off of their parents' every cent. They have no idea how hard it is, mentally and financially, to live without the help of your parents. "University life" is a scam. If you're going to university for the sole reason of partying and escaping your strict parents then you're an idiot with a lifetime of debt. The best thing to do is to study hard so you can earn so much money that you get to live the life you've always deserved.

    Um...nah. I don't live off either of my parent's money. I've lived independently from parental finances for nearly 5 years now.

    As for telling the OP she is stupid to want to gain independence....have you even read any of her comments? She's literally said she is scared her parents will physically stop her for going against them. They have also threatened to stop talking her, which basically means disowning her.

    If you're honestly saying she is stupid for wanting to get away from a toxic home situation like that...then wow. Your morals are questionable.
    Online

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    I'm definitely leaving but idk how, what if they try to physically stop me?
    That would be illegal

    what if I run out of money?
    I'd be interested to see what student finance does with an applicant where the household blatantly disowns them, best case scenario is they'd class you as having 0 household income and give you the maximum moneys but idk tbph. If you run out, unis have hardship funds. Irregardless, jobs are a thing and student bank accounts tend to have huge overdrafts.

    What if they never let me come back? What if they don't ever talk to me again? and they have threatened some of the above..
    If they're going to be that petty, would it really be such a loss?


    (Original post by Youngabzz)
    Just read the Qur'an and ask Allah for help and be patient.
    I don't believe the Qur'an has any real advice for when your parents won't let you go to a faraway uni, correct me if I'm wrong. I doubt rereading irrelevancies will be of any use.
    (Original post by AquinasTheHero)
    Hi, I think you need to stop moaning and listen to your parents. They have your best interests at heart.
    (Original post by justanotherchica)
    My parents have been controlling my life so much that they're stopping me from make use of opportunities because I'm a girl... and I can't live alone and I can't travel more than 48 miles
    These two things don't seem to go together. Perhaps I'm missing something
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Youngabzz)
    Just read the Qur'an and ask Allah for help and be patient.
    Prayer has never been shown to have any effect- buying a lottery ticket is more likely to help.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    Online

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
    I want to start this comment off by letting you know that you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. Your parents are in the wrong, not you. Anyone on this thread who is trying to guilt trip you is quite frankly a moronic loser who clearly doesn't understand your viewpoint.

    It's important to consider that your university will play a large part in your future. Therefore, as aforementioned, it is CRUCIAL that you put your foot down. This will sound blunt, but your parents won't be around forever, however, the money that you earn from your career will affect your life until the day you die.

    This is YOUR future. This is YOUR life. You are not your parents and it is important that you understand this.

    My advice would be to look at your options and apply for your course, and if your parents' views aren't going to be constructive towards the best future for you, simply dismiss it. Your parents are people just like anyone else, so they're not inherently correct about everything just because they gave birth to you. In fact, if you ask me, I think they're totally disregarding your best interests purely for the sake of their own culture.

    Your life, your decisions. Not theirs.

    Good luck
    Offline

    4
    ReputationRep:
    Throw bacon at them
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Youngabzz)
    Just read the Qur'an and ask Allah for help and be patient.
    what a load of absolute BS

    reading a storybook and asking the man in the sky will not help anyone.
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Did TEF Bronze Award affect your UCAS choices?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.