What follows is a thread relating to people in general, but also specific people in my life - and it is associated with my mental health.
I doubt this will be up long enough, before it is removed by mods for being too heavily related to my mental health; however, i'm at my wits end. I want some support not abuse or undue criticism or been told I need to cheer up, pull myself together, or simply be more positive.
At the minute my life is in turmoil, I am working in a job I hate (yes I am applying for jobs as a graduate; and have been for at least two years), which affects my mental health. People take sly digs at you, undermine you and it feels like people just exist to through you under the bus.
I'm quite a morally guided person, but unfortunately, in this world and in the working world, people don't do the same. It is all about money, profit and standing on the shoulders of other people. Of course there are policies in place, but people bend these to suit their unscrupulous needs.
Examples include: general b***hiness within my earshot about me, or my work ethic. Telling me my performance is poor, despite not putting in more staff on shifts (to save labour), maximising our workload, but still expecting the best outcomes.
Been scheduled in on the most awkward shifts week in week out. Late night shifts, knowing full well I have a long commute to work. They know how difficult it is, but continue to make it more difficult.
Morally, I shouldn't need to express this, people should know. It is unfair and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the bullying, the tittle tattle, the setting us up to fail.
Then there is the fact I'm paid min wage. I barely afford my rent. My partner is unemployed so I pay for the upkeep of house. Rent, electricity, phone bill, internet/tv bill. Food.
I could take on more hours at work, but why should I work myself into an early grave and make my wellbeing suffer more in a place I hate.
Then there is my job search, which is barely going well. I get recruiters ringing up promising the world. Oh you're CV is great, come in, we have a vacancy available. I register, they 'send it off'. I hear nothing.
4/10 I may get an interview, which goes horribly wrong.
On top of this, I am doing a Master's which I am behind on because of all the unsocial hours I work. Depression is tiresome also.
Then there is the issue of therapy. I have literally been abandoned (and never before in my 8+ years of exp of therapy private and nhs). I was due a referral to High Intensity CBT in the NHS. This was months ago. Usually, in my area, it is quite fast. The therapist said she'd ring me and keep me updated. I got nothing. I might complain to QCC.
I'm arguing with my best mate and my partner about my negativity. But I can't break the cycle.
If this is life then is it worth it?
All I ask for is a comfortable living. A decent job for the time, money and resources I have invested in my education and the countless volunteering opportunities I have taken up.
Instead I work for min wage, for an employer with poor workers rights records. Bullying and poor morale is rife and management only gives a damn about themselves.
I am very politically minded, but I cant even turn on the news without getting so angry at the world and this country for how it is turning out.
This country, it's government, and successive governments, has failed the general public and our nation state. The young aspirational people in this country. The many educated and hopefuls; destitute to a life within the broken benefits system, or better worse working as a greasy cog for a capitalist money grabbing self-serving company (usually on zero hrs contracts).
Those telling me it is my choice where I work. Yes you're right. However, whats my alternative?
The dole que. The broken Universal Credit system?
I think I'd rather starve and go hungry and let austerity and this country eat me up. Because we're F*****d either way.
Sick of been criticised and told im negative all the time Watch
- Thread Starter
It''s understandable the way that you are feeling, there is so much pressure on you at the moment. I would really advise you to seek help. It sounds like you aren't getting anywhere at the moment, but is there someone else who you could talk to. If people don't respond back to you, like your current therapist, don't give up. Try to find a better therapist in the area, or there are phone lines or web chats you can talk to anonymously.
With studying and working at the same time, your partner could really help talk some of the pressure off by getting a job. How is he progressing so far. I feel it is unfair for you to have to juggle everything as well as paying for the household costs. Is there any family who can help you out personally or financially?
I am sorry to hear you are unhappy with work. Not everyone is like that, it is just that you happened to work with people who are cowardly and spiteful. Most of the time, they do this for selfish reasons or satisfaction of seeing you react to their actions. Don't give in to this, take the high road and don't let their words affect your feelings and work performance. You won't be there forever.
In terms of your masters, are you doing this full time or part time? It might be worth considering going part time hours to give yourself more time to do things, as well as time for yourself. Try to take care of yourself and find things that make you happy in life. I am worried that too much stress is taking its toll on your physical and mental health.
What I say might not make a difference, just please don't give up. Keep trying to make a better future for yourself. It will pay off in the end.
You seem like a wonderful person who has become the victim of society's irrational judgemental perspective of people. As someone who is often too brutally honest, I can relate to being told that I'm often too negative, although I wouldn't go as far to say that I understand your situation as I'm not entirely aware of the circumstances. There is no knowing when people decide to turn on us, whether they be our own loved ones or strangers completely, and I hate to hear that you are bullied by people around you. The toxicity of people around us, rather than that inside us, is often what appears to be the cause for constant dismal moods and feeling dejected. I hope you find a job that not only pays well but keeps you happy and driven. We all work better when the end goal is worth it. xx
After reading your post I'm not sure how helpful I can be, but I thought it would be good for me to say I know how you feel with working the late shifts. I moved to a big city for university and transferred to a store here from my one back home. I specifically said that because it takes me 30 minutes to an hour to get back to my accommodation (depending on buses) and I'm new to the area so prone to getting lost, I didn't want to work the late shifts as the store closes at 8pm. I even wrote it down on my availability. Yet I've had shifts finishing at 8:30pm. The latest I've gotten home is 9:20pm, when in winter it gets very cold and dark very early. I told them I didn't want to because of my safety, yet they put me in it anyway. Luckily the way home from the bus stop for me is well-lit so I feel safe. However the principle still stands having a long commute. I understand how you feel. I'm not sure this will help but I thought it's at least something.
I'm sorry I can't help with the rest of your post, but please talk to someone - your GP or your partner. It's good to be able to vent, even if you aren't necessarily getting advice, just having someone listen can be really helpful. I really hope it gets better for you.
I do feel for you Royal. I've seen so many of your posts and you're in a really bad place and it's a horrible vicious cycle. It's hard not to feel negative when your job sucks and it's hard to take the right steps to better yourself when you're depressed.
But your friends are right in part, your therapy will also include trying to combat negative thoughts. The more you think negative things the more you build those negative connections in your brain and reinforce the belief that the world is bad. It's really important to trya nd challenge those thoughts, don't voice them, don't give them time in your mind. Force yourself to find some positives.