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    Basically decided to join the student room and post because I genuinely have no idea what to do and other people’s judgement and advice is way better than my own. I’m not posting for sympathy/ to make people feel sorry for me etc I just genuinely want some advice as I have no clue what to do.
    Basically I’ve suffered with depression for 2 years.
    I have tried lots of treatment options the last two years, starting with counselling, psychologist, therapist, meditation and medication the last few months. Nothing has even remotely worked and I’ve tried 3 different types of antidepressants the last 6 months and they’ve done nothing. I feel even worse on them. I have no energy, no sex drive, no motivation, etc. 2 years of this intense feeling of sadness, this trembling anxiety is enough. I understand that from a neutral perspective people have it much worse( people have no home, no access to water, people suffer with terrible diseases). But the problem is I’m not a neutral bystander. I’m the person living with it and it’s not the circumstances making my life diffIcult it’s my personality and mind not being compatable with the world. I honestly believe that I am living in a completely different world to everyone around me. I feel as if there are very very few nice people and why would you want to be horrible I can’t understand it . There are people in my school and life that bully others( not me personally),enjoy watching others suffer and it’s disgusting behaviour. How can people actually like doing these sorts of things they are too self obsessed to realise that we should help those that need to be helped and make everyone feel safe and comfortable in every day life. Life is diffIcult enough. I am a bad person by letting these things happen but if I try and speak out they will do the same to me( and it’s the majority of people). I wish I had the confidence/ strength to make life better for those people getting bullied etc but I’m too messed up in my own mind. I also don’t see how people can function considering we are literally a solid block of cells walking on ground and I swear no one realises how weird and complex the world is. Everyone just goes about every day life like everything’s normal. We have had a history of war, the creation of the planet etc and everyone just keeps going about everyday life functioning and acting as if things are okay? Everyone I know conforms to the norms of society and like how do more people not go crazy or restrain from the norms of society and realise we are a solid blob of cells walking on ground? Like that’s weird af please say someone agrees with me. I can tell people don’t think like me or think about these things because they just conform and conform and fit in with society and follow everyone else and actually ****ing like doing it. It’s ******** that we have to just fit in with what society tells us to do what we’re expected to do. Throughout writing this I realise how messed up and abnormal I am. Like I can’t relate to anyone no one ****ing thinks or views stuff like me and it’s just **** really

    Hmm try thinking of life in general like this,

    You can literally do whatever you like, it may not be easy or quick but you can. Really it boils down to inner procrastination and hesitation. We are all fundamentally the same but we don't have to be. You ever find something interesting, pursue it. You can do anything, you see this nice hair style and want to dye your hair that way, do it. You always wanted to draw, get some plain A4 paper, start drawing. Even if you have an interest that doesn't seem worthy, invest in it. Collect things, write short stories, go running everyday, take a walk.

    Start with baby steps, but most importantly take care of yourself. You won't feel motivated to do anything if your room is very disorganised, your hair disheveled etc. Have a nice, relaxing bath then get to work. Once you invest your time in little things, you'd see very clearly that people were wrong and your personality will start to shine. You realise that there's things which make you important and exciting, you'll think yeh I'm a pretty cool person and other people will notice this and that's what makes someone a leader and well-liked because deep down, no one wants to conform, they just choose to because it's easier.
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