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    Hi guys,

    I'm sorry if I sound like a little baby, or immature, but I have no one to share with and just wanted to share it somewhere.
    I met this girl a year ago and my life completely changed I didn't have friends to go out with before (the one that I had they were smoking weed and staying home so they weren't fun at all).We went to so many places together, had such a good memories with her, I even can say that was one of the best years of my life.
    Before we broke up(3 weeks ago) we have been for a year together and we had a business together where we worked and we also lived together for 90% of this year due to life consequence.
    I have been doubting her a lot during this year and we had so many extreme arguments with crying and etc. , but every time after a fight we were getting back together because we love and care for each other so much and I also think that because we were most of the time together so there wasn’t an option to split (due to the flat contract)
    I have moved to a new city because of studying 2 months ago, since then we had fights every single week. Then every weekend I was commuting to her city and fixing the things, but our fights escalated to a point, 2 weeks ago, where she was crying every second night of the week on the phone and we had conversations for 3-4 hours in fights and extreme arguments which affected her studies a lot and she missed deadlines.
    At the end, she told me not to contact her (2 weeks ago) where the first week I was contacting her every day (sometimes being mean to her another time to try to fix the things but I felt like it is just making it worse doesn’t matter what I say) I said so much horrible things to her and accused her so many times that I hate myself for doing it, but once the stone is thrown I guess the damage is permanent …
    Now I haven’t contacted her for 3 days and want to keep it in this way, but I love this woman because she brings up the best in me and I don’t want to lose her from my life. I have a lot of issues from my past life and past relationship (I had 5 years relationship with a girl where we were ready to engage until I found her cheating on me for a year with her best friend and I constantly think of me being cheated now) which she is aware of. I’m finally going to a specialist to talk about my issues because I can’t control my emotions very well, but I really hope to change and get her back . I think not to contact her at all but I would like to send her a little gift for Christmas (few photos of us and a card with a nice message) just to let her know that I still want her and love her. Then I will suggest to meet her around the mid of January and talk about everything as I’m trying to change and fix the issues that I have from my past.
    Do you think there is still any chance or she may have enough of my constant accusations and arguments?
    We were so so in love with each other and this year felt as we have been for 5 years together, but we were extremely mean to each other too, during the whole relationship when we had fights.
    Sometimes I think that we are just contagious for each other and this cannot work doesn’t matter what we do.
    In addition I have no friends to talk to, as I moved to a new city I find it very difficult to make new friends, I don’t go out either, so I’m staying Friday and Saturday nights at home checking every social media to see what is she up to, where is she going and staff (which I am aware is a bit crepe too, but I feel so sad) just to feel a little bit part of her again
    I feel so lonely and sad that I don’t know what to do, for her is different and easier to move on as she lives with her friends from college (we are mature students which I forgot to mention) and they are going out every weekend so she cannot think often about us.
    I know that all this information is messy and full of confusions, but thank you guys for spending the time reading

    Regards !!!
 
 
 
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