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My girlfriends Mum and Dad make us sleep in different beds Watch

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    Right so I just can’t get my head around this and it annoys me everytime it happens

    Whenever me and my girlfriend and her family have a party at her nans house we stay over the night because she has a 3 bed room house. Me and my girlfriend have been dating 2 years and I’m good around her family and have a laugh and a joke and they genuinely like me.

    But whenever we stay round her nans me and my girlfriend aren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed together. We usually go up a fair bit before everybody else and we go into the same bed together for a cuddle and to have some time together, we end up falling asleep but every time her Mum and Dad come in and wake her up and say “come on!” She then gets in bed with her nan and sleeps there.

    (We have only slept together in the same bed at her nans after a party once and when she got home the next day her Mum and Dad said “that she can’t ever do that ever again!”)

    We of course would never get up to anything at her nans, her Mum and Dad know me well enough that I’m not that kind of lad.

    We’ve been together 2 years and slept in the same bed hundreds upon hundreds of times, gone on holiday together. We even stayed at her nans for a week in the summer house sitting.

    I just can’t wrap my head around why her Mum and Dad are so against it. They know I’m not a lad that would try anything on, I respect them all loads. They know we sleep in the same bed at mine and everything.

    Am I in the wrong here? It just pees me off whenever it happens because it feels like they don’t respect me whenever they tell her to get out of the bed and sleep with her nan, and also I think of like her Mum and Dad at my age if it was happening to them how would they feel. Her nan is fine with me and her sleeping in the same bed as well by the way, just Mum and Dad.

    Anybody want to help me out or give me any thoughts on this, would be appreciated. I just don’t get it
    • #1
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    Hi,

    My parents were the same with my older sister (their eldest) and her bf, despite them both being over 18 and having been together for a long time. They love her bf but they still lay the rules down because I suspect it was due to their culture - my parents are both asian and since my sister was the eldest, that was the first time they'd experienced someone bringing their bf over to stay the night and I suspect that's how both their parents would have treated them back then. My parents have since allowed my younger sister and myself to both share a bed at night since they understand it's the 'norm' here and less cautious.

    I understand that your nan may not have an issue with it, but I would unfortunately say you will have to continue to respect your parents' decision for now as they may not believe it appropriate with it being your nan's house. I can imagine how frustrating it is, but I can assure you that you are not alone with this situation as it happens amongst many families I'm sure.y
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    At least you have a girlfriend stop complaining

    Try being over weight with receding hairline on tinder
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    At least you have a girlfriend stop complaining

    Try being over weight with receding hairline on tinder
    stop making excuses and get your ass to the gym
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    its just part of life/family.

    Trust me - when your older you will look back on it as just some silly thing that you had to do as a kid.. I had the same experiance when I was 17 at my girlfriends house - we were not allowed to sleep in the same room, so I had a camp-bed in the livingroom.. but obviously you can bet that we were sneaking around at night, and being playful behind her parents back etc.

    And her parents know this - just as your girlfriends parents know about you two.. but knowing something does not mean they want to encorage it.

    Its very wise for parents to set down boundaries in areas they can control.. but not seek to control areas of their childrens life that are impossible to do so. That way they hope to bring up a child who can learn to set their own boundaries and develop into a good adult.

    Were they to try and control her entire love-life it would be a disaster and cause an awful lot of rebellious conflict. Were they to control nothing, they may feel that they risk her developing in a way they do not approve of.. so instead they draw a middle line where they exert control over some things, but give it up where they need to.
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    Marry her and they'll stop complaining.
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    (Original post by JJackson9998)
    Right so I just can’t get my head around this and it annoys me everytime it happens

    Whenever me and my girlfriend and her family have a party at her nans house we stay over the night because she has a 3 bed room house. Me and my girlfriend have been dating 2 years and I’m good around her family and have a laugh and a joke and they genuinely like me.

    But whenever we stay round her nans me and my girlfriend aren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed together. We usually go up a fair bit before everybody else and we go into the same bed together for a cuddle and to have some time together, we end up falling asleep but every time her Mum and Dad come in and wake her up and say “come on!” She then gets in bed with her nan and sleeps there.

    (We have only slept together in the same bed at her nans after a party once and when she got home the next day her Mum and Dad said “that she can’t ever do that ever again!”)

    We of course would never get up to anything at her nans, her Mum and Dad know me well enough that I’m not that kind of lad.

    We’ve been together 2 years and slept in the same bed hundreds upon hundreds of times, gone on holiday together. We even stayed at her nans for a week in the summer house sitting.

    I just can’t wrap my head around why her Mum and Dad are so against it. They know I’m not a lad that would try anything on, I respect them all loads. They know we sleep in the same bed at mine and everything.

    Am I in the wrong here? It just pees me off whenever it happens because it feels like they don’t respect me whenever they tell her to get out of the bed and sleep with her nan, and also I think of like her Mum and Dad at my age if it was happening to them how would they feel. Her nan is fine with me and her sleeping in the same bed as well by the way, just Mum and Dad.

    Anybody want to help me out or give me any thoughts on this, would be appreciated. I just don’t get it


    conservative parents/grandparents...

    but tbh count yourself lucky, in my gaff even sleeping in separate beds would not be allowed, you'd of been told "go and get your own place" if you wanted a girl over......
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    How old are you?

    I know it sucks but you do just have to respect their house and their rules. If it bothers you too much then could you save up and get a place of your own? As pp have suggested they may just be ultra conservative. For older generations it wasn’t unusual to move in with one another until you got married.
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    It's frustrating but not something you can do much about. "Their house, their rules" and all that.
    My parents were the same when I was 16. My boyfriend at the time had to sleep in the spare room. He used to start off in the spare room, sneak in to my room to spend the night when everyone had gone to bed, then sneak back to the spare room in the morning before everyone woke up. After a while my parents just let him stay in my room. They said "we know he ends up in there anyway..." We were lucky they were quite understanding, because we did disrespect them by going against their word.

    I suspect either the Gran is quite old fashioned, or the Gran AND the parents. They come from a different generation. In her Gran's time you were probably living in sin if you moved in together before you got married!
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    (Original post by del1rious)
    How old are you?

    I know it sucks but you do just have to respect their house and their rules. If it bothers you too much then could you save up and get a place of your own? As pp have suggested they may just be ultra conservative. For older generations it wasn’t unusual to move in with one another until you got married.
    We’re 20 so it’s not like we are young stupid kids at 14-18 etc. We both respect each other’s families massively and wouldn’t dare do anything.
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    (Original post by 1000and1nights)
    It's frustrating but not something you can do much about. "Their house, their rules" and all that.
    My parents were the same when I was 16. My boyfriend at the time had to sleep in the spare room. He used to start off in the spare room, sneak in to my room to spend the night when everyone had gone to bed, then sneak back to the spare room in the morning before everyone woke up. After a while my parents just let him stay in my room. They said "we know he ends up in there anyway..." We were lucky they were quite understanding, because we did disrespect them by going against their word.

    I suspect either the Gran is quite old fashioned, or the Gran AND the parents. They come from a different generation. In her Gran's time you were probably living in sin if you moved in together before you got married!
    Her nan isn’t the problem really, her nan is completely fine with me and her sleeping in the same bed. She has encouraged her to go stay in the room with me but my girlfriend doesn’t want to go against her parents. It’s just her Mum and Dad
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    (Original post by JJackson9998)
    Her nan isn’t the problem really, her nan is completely fine with me and her sleeping in the same bed. She has encouraged her to go stay in the room with me but my girlfriend doesn’t want to go against her parents. It’s just her Mum and Dad
    The person who said it's a very common situation is correct. I've had personal experience at a similar age to you, both adults.

    As with most things, there seem to be 2 aspects to this issue. On the practical side there's not much you can do at all. You won't get far talking about it with the parents, your respect and liking for each other unfortunately doesn't shift the balance.

    On the theoretical/ethical side unfortunately her parents aren't in the wrong in the conventional/societal sense. There actions do seem hard and unnecessary I agree but they have their own reasons which are valid. They're not doing it to make you hate them and drive you away believe me! And more importantly you are benefiting from their having you in their house etc so cant honestly expect more from them.

    The only person who can change anything is their daughter but she is unlikely to for a variety of reasons:

    1) she would need an option of where to go if they tell her to go live her life away from home.

    2) she (and most girls) actually will want her potential partner to provide for her and possibly is waiting for you to get the home and ask her to live with you. This used to be related to the concept of marriage but in modern society could equally be in the context of an engagement with a view to get married later.

    3) she does not want to upset her parents except at a last resort if they are clearly being unreasonable which is not the case here as you have described. It's not a nice thing to think but girls especially need their parents always as something to fall back on.

    4) she might not be as needing of the relationship to progress as you likely are. She may be very happy with her lover and her parents in her life as it is. You guys obviously have intimate moments as it is, and for her that may be enough.


    I hope I have given you some insight from my experience. Forgive me if my words could be more sensitive in certain places, it is hard to give a stranger on the internet personal advice without risking offending them!

    Best of luck, enjoy what you have and live your life as much as possible (very difficult) by taking nothing for granted
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    Honestly it’s not the worst problem in the world to have, if you have a future together you will have the rest of your lives to sleep in the same bed
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    their house, their rules
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    (Original post by JJackson9998)
    Right so I just can’t get my head around this and it annoys me everytime it happens

    Whenever me and my girlfriend and her family have a party at her nans house we stay over the night because she has a 3 bed room house. Me and my girlfriend have been dating 2 years and I’m good around her family and have a laugh and a joke and they genuinely like me.

    But whenever we stay round her nans me and my girlfriend aren’t allowed to sleep in the same bed together. We usually go up a fair bit before everybody else and we go into the same bed together for a cuddle and to have some time together, we end up falling asleep but every time her Mum and Dad come in and wake her up and say “come on!” She then gets in bed with her nan and sleeps there.

    (We have only slept together in the same bed at her nans after a party once and when she got home the next day her Mum and Dad said “that she can’t ever do that ever again!”)

    We of course would never get up to anything at her nans, her Mum and Dad know me well enough that I’m not that kind of lad.

    We’ve been together 2 years and slept in the same bed hundreds upon hundreds of times, gone on holiday together. We even stayed at her nans for a week in the summer house sitting.

    I just can’t wrap my head around why her Mum and Dad are so against it. They know I’m not a lad that would try anything on, I respect them all loads. They know we sleep in the same bed at mine and everything.

    Am I in the wrong here? It just pees me off whenever it happens because it feels like they don’t respect me whenever they tell her to get out of the bed and sleep with her nan, and also I think of like her Mum and Dad at my age if it was happening to them how would they feel. Her nan is fine with me and her sleeping in the same bed as well by the way, just Mum and Dad.

    Anybody want to help me out or give me any thoughts on this, would be appreciated. I just don’t get it
    have you considered whether perhaps you're ready to move out? that would solve the staying at each others places issue.
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    How do you find it surprising that her granny doesnt find the idea of her grand daughter potentially being jack hammered at her house distasteful?
 
 
 
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