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Remarrying after the loss of a spouse... Watch

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    What is the forum's views on widows and widowers remarrying?

    Statistically, men are more likely to repartner after losing their spouse, but does that correlate with the idea that men are less faithful or loyal?

    Does spirituality and the belief in the afterlife have an effect on whether or not you decide to remarry? What if we hypothetically knew for a fact that there is an afterlife, and that you would see your deceased spouse again - do your views change on remarriage?

    My personal view:
    At the age of 21 years, I have a strong belief that I would wait until my death to be with my deceased spouse again. The idea of remarrying seems to be replacing what was once a special and eternal bond between two peoples. I look at examples where widows and widowers have remarried and I tend to think that it's nice they're happy, but I can't help but think about (if the concept of the afterlife exists, of course) the spouse who's looking down and watching his/her alive spouse move on through life. If you were the deceased spouse, would you be happy for them, or hurt? I would genuinely feel hurt; does this mean that I'm a bad person? I mean, I love my girlfriend a lot and always want what's best for her, but if we were to marry, I would consider that a promise that we'd be together for eternity. The idea of remarriage seems to contradict that promise.

    Thoughts?
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    If I was the deceased spouse, I'd want them to move on, remarry, have a life with someone else.
    *If I had a spouse* and they were to leave first, idk. Depends on a lot of factors.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    If I was the deceased spouse, I'd want them to move on, remarry, have a life with someone else.
    *If I had a spouse* and they were to leave first, idk. Depends on a lot of factors.
    That's very selfless of you. I'm curious, do you believe in an afterlife?
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    That's very selfless of you. I'm curious, do you believe in an afterlife?
    Yes. I do believe in an afterlife.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    Yes. I do believe in an afterlife.
    Okay. May I also ask how you imagine the scenario playing in your mind: the scenario in which you, your past spouse and their spouse are all in the afterlife together. Is your past spouse supposed to pick between you and the other person? Can you see what I'm getting at here?
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    Okay. May I also ask how you imagine the scenario playing in your mind: the scenario in which you, your past spouse and their spouse are all in the afterlife together. Is your past spouse supposed to pick between you and the other person? Can you see what I'm getting at here?
    Ah... but I'm Muslim so already the guy can have upto 4 wives :lol:
    There was actually something on this but I cannot remember it.
    The way I see it though, paradise is supposed to be a place of no sadness and negativity. It's a different world, so not all the same rules apply. What you feel here, coukd be different there.

    Let me ask you a question, hypothetically speaking ofc, if you were in early 20s and happened to leave the world, your spouse early 20s too, bpth madly in love, and her time of death at aged 80. You'd want her to live a lonely life for the next 60-ish odd years? What if that made her bitter, sad? Lonely as anything, depressed? Would you want to indirectly be the cause of her unhappiness, especially as when someone dies as such, they remain in the heart. Even moving on, is not exactly the same. With another partner, it will never be the same type of love the 2 of you felt.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    At the age of 21 years, I have a strong belief that I would wait until my death to be with my deceased spouse again.
    You won't though. There is zero evidence for an afterlife, but there is evidence against it.

    The idea of remarrying seems to be replacing what was once a special and eternal bond between two peoples.
    Do you really think that of the billions of people on Earth, you couldn't find another that you bond with?

    I look at examples where widows and widowers have remarried and I tend to think that it's nice they're happy, but I can't help but think about (if the concept of the afterlife exists, of course) the spouse who's looking down and watching his/her alive spouse move on through life.
    If it makes them happy, shouldn't that make the ex-spouse happy? The only life that we have evidence for is this one, so it would be (IMO) insane not to make the most of it.

    If you were the deceased spouse, would you be happy for them, or hurt?
    Happy.

    I would genuinely feel hurt; does this mean that I'm a bad person?
    Just gullible.

    I mean, I love my girlfriend a lot and always want what's best for her, but if we were to marry, I would consider that a promise that we'd be together for eternity. The idea of remarriage seems to contradict that promise.
    Eternity is a long time (not that we will ever experience it). The marriage promise is typically until death do us part, not eternity.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    Ah... but I'm Muslim so already the guy can have upto 4 wives :lol:
    There was actually something on this but I cannot remember it.
    The way I see it though, paradise is supposed to be a place of no sadness and negativity. It's a different world, so not all the same rules apply. What you feel here, coukd be different there.
    Ah, yes, that does change things quite a bit.

    (Original post by starfab)
    Let me ask you a question, hypothetically speaking ofc, if you were in early 20s and happened to leave the world, your spouse early 20s too, bpth madly in love, and her time of death at aged 80. You'd want her to live a lonely life for the next 60-ish odd years? What if that made her bitter, sad? Lonely as anything, depressed? Would you want to indirectly be the cause of her unhappiness, especially as when someone dies as such, they remain in the heart. Even moving on, is not exactly the same. With another partner, it will never be the same type of love the 2 of you felt.
    That's a good question.

    In my ideal marriage, my spouse would be aware that I'd do the same for her (wait all my life to see her again). As I'm dead, my expectation would be that she finds someone else. Would I be happy that she's happy? Of course. Would I be happy that someone else is hugging, kissing and doing god knows what with my wife? I can tell you with absolute certainty, no. So it's quite a difficult one for me to answer, as you can imagine.

    What's interesting is that you're presuming my spouse is going to be unhappy for the rest of her life, as if she needs to be married to be happy. On the contrary, I would be happy that I met her, and was able to experience either a short portion of my life with her, or a long portion.
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    (Original post by RogerOxon)
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    That's the atheistic response I was looking for. Thanks for your perspective.
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    Me and my husband have spoken about it and we'd want each other to be happy if either of us died - be that finding a new partner when the time is right or choosing to remaining alone. I don't think you can really make the call until you're in that situation. I don't think re-marrying tarnishes the relationship you had with your deceased partner. You can have multiple loves throughout your life and as long as you remained faithful and loved your partner, I think that is all that matters at the end of the day - no what happens after the relationship ends for whatever reason - even death of a spouse. Me and my husband don't believe in any form of an afterlife so we make the most of now and cherish all the time we have together with each other and our cats because we never know what is around the corner.
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    (Original post by Rum Ham)
    Me and my husband have spoken about it and we'd want each other to be happy if either of us died - be that finding a new partner when the time is right or choosing to remaining alone. I don't think you can really make the call until you're in that situation. I don't think re-marrying tarnishes the relationship you had with your deceased partner. You can have multiple loves throughout your life and as long as you remained faithful and loved your partner, I think that is all that matters at the end of the day - no what happens after the relationship ends for whatever reason - even death of a spouse. Me and my husband don't believe in any form of an afterlife so we make the most of now and cherish all the time we have together with each other and our cats because we never know what is around the corner.
    I really appreciate the insight from someone who's actually married. As expected, I'm trying to find a direct correlation between atheism/agnosticism and the openness to remarriage.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    Ah, yes, that does change things quite a bit.



    That's a good question.

    In my ideal marriage, my spouse would be aware that I'd do the same for her (wait all my life to see her again). As I'm dead, my expectation would be that she finds someone else. Would I be happy that she's happy? Of course. Would I be happy that someone else is hugging, kissing and doing god knows what with my wife? I can tell you with absolute certainty, no. So it's quite a difficult one for me to answer, as you can imagine.

    What's interesting is that you're presuming my spouse is going to be unhappy for the rest of her life, as if she needs to be married to be happy. On the contrary, I would be happy that I met her, and was able to experience either a short portion of my life with her, or a long portion.
    Not really, lol.
    As we age, we grow, change our minds, want different things.
    That does make sense....but who said you'd even be watching her or informed of her situation?
    Spoiler:
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    don't kill me if I'm attacking your beliefs. I'm sorry

    Oh yh I'm presuming, but those would possibly be some lonely nights, if nothing else. I mean, sure she loves you, but you aren't there in person.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    Ah... but I'm Muslim so already the guy can have upto 4 wives :lol:
    Are you actually ok with your husband having more than one wife though? You'd share him with another woman? I don't think I could cope knowing my partner is sleeping with someone else while I'm sleeping with them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you actually ok with your husband having more than one wife though? You'd share him with another woman? I don't think I could cope knowing my partner is sleeping with someone else while I'm sleeping with them.
    Depends. Maybe, maybe not.
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    (Original post by starfab)
    Not really, lol.
    As we age, we grow, change our minds, want different things.
    I guess I'm just consistent. You could say consistently boring :laugh:

    (Original post by starfab)
    That does make sense....but who said you'd even be watching her or informed of her situation?
    Spoiler:
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    don't kill me if I'm attacking your beliefs. I'm sorry
    Apologies, when I ask these hypothetical questions, I'm usually trapped in this visual bubble in my head where I can see everything, so sometimes I don't describe the full details of the scenario properly. In this idea of an afterlife, I can watch my loved ones existing - of course, I don't claim to know if deceased people can do that (I hope not as I've done some... embarrassing things).

    And it's quite alright, I'm not defensive when it comes to this stuff - I realize that everyone has their own story and interpretation of the world that most likely differs from mine.

    (Original post by starfab)
    Oh yh I'm presuming, but those would possibly be some lonely nights, if nothing else. I mean, sure she loves you, but you aren't there in person.
    Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it often. I would completely understand if she wanted to move on, but it would come clear to me that I don't know her very well.
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    If I had a wife and she died.. damn I'd cry everyday
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    (Original post by Angry Bird)
    If I had a wife and she died.. damn I'd cry everyday
    While it's hard to 100% say with full-on certainty, do you believe that you'd remarry, or consider remarrying with somebody else?
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    I really appreciate the insight from someone who's actually married. As expected, I'm trying to find a direct correlation between atheism/agnosticism and the openness to remarriage.
    I've been married for almost 20 years. Again, the marriage promise is typically only until death, regardless of what you believe.
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    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    I've been married for almost 20 years. Again, the marriage promise is typically only until death, regardless of what you believe.
    The vow is interpretative.
    "till death do us part" can refer to the physical death, while Christianity believes that the spiritual bond will live on. It very much depends on your beliefs, but I get that you're non-religious, so you relate to the former interpretation.
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    If I died i'd want my wife to be happy, if she finds someone then good on her.

    If my wife died, well, it depends. If I had children with her then i dont think i'll remarry. I dont want my children to be raised by another woman other than their biological mother. I'd be a single parent.
 
 
 
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