Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Remarrying after the loss of a spouse... Watch

    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Okay, so I haven’t been married but I feel my situation gives me SOME experience with answering this question- I was seeing a guy for 2 years and he died very suddenly about 6 months ago. He was really just my absolute favourite person, my everything. There’s a part of me that just wants to wait until I die so I can see him again and be with him. At this point, I’m still not interested in meeting anyone else, so that might happen no matter how many people tell me I’ll “find someone else”. But at the same time, I know that he’d want me to be happy and that he’d understand. I’m only 22 so I probably have a long life ahead of me, and I’ve always wanted children. But I don’t want to be with someone just to keep me company until I can see Sam again because that’s not fair on them- they’ll always be the second choice. If I was older then I wouldn’t bother even thinking about anyone else. So I don’t know really. Pro and cons for both sides of the argument, but everyone just needs to do what is best for them. I don’t care what would be acceptable to other people, I just care about what would be acceptable to Sam.
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by beccagood95)
    Okay, so I haven’t been married but I feel my situation gives me SOME experience with answering this question- I was seeing a guy for 2 years and he died very suddenly about 6 months ago. He was really just my absolute favourite person, my everything. There’s a part of me that just wants to wait until I die so I can see him again and be with him. At this point, I’m still not interested in meeting anyone else, so that might happen no matter how many people tell me I’ll “find someone else”. But at the same time, I know that he’d want me to be happy and that he’d understand. I’m only 22 so I probably have a long life ahead of me, and I’ve always wanted children. But I don’t want to be with someone just to keep me company until I can see Sam again because that’s not fair on them- they’ll always be the second choice. If I was older then I wouldn’t bother even thinking about anyone else. So I don’t know really. Pro and cons for both sides of the argument, but everyone just needs to do what is best for them. I don’t care what would be acceptable to other people, I just care about what would be acceptable to Sam.
    Thank you for sharing.
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    I hope my wife remarries. I want her to be happy.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    I would want my spouse to grieve and then move on with their life, find somebody who makes them happy and looks after them.

    As for me, I don't want to even think about something like that happening.
    • #2
    #2

    It doesn't mean men are less faithful, it just proves the theory that men need women - as much as the Men Going Their Own Way crew likes to vehemently deny otherwise

    its not just widows, this is the same reason why divorced men always remarry again and again and again, no matter how hellish their last marriage(s) was/were and no matter how much they claim that this time around they are never, ever getting married again... yeah UNTIL the next woman comes along!

    no idea why they even bother denying it, its simply in their DNA. just as women were both with the nurturing gene, men were both with the desire to be nurtured. first by their mothers and then by their wives. no matter how much he loved the last or how horrible his last marriage was or whatever his age is, he'll never stop being on the lookout for the next replacement (no offence to your deceased wife).
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by offsetWHOOP)
    If I died i'd want my wife to be happy, if she finds someone then good on her.

    If my wife died, well, it depends. If I had children with her then i dont think i'll remarry. I dont want my children to be raised by another woman other than their biological mother. I'd be a single parent.
    aww thats nice
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Life is for living

    If I died, I would want my wife to be happy and if she wanted to remarry it would be with my blessing! If there is an afterlife I would watch over her, if her new husband didn't treat her right I would haunt the [email protected]!

    If my wife died, I'm not sure I would want to remarry tbh but I would certainly want to live my life to the full
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Joel 96)
    The vow is interpretative.
    "till death do us part" can refer to the physical death, while Christianity believes that the spiritual bond will live on. It very much depends on your beliefs, but I get that you're non-religious, so you relate to the former interpretation.
    What other death is there? We have Birth, death, [afterlife foe all eternity, if you buy that]. I'm not seeing another place for a death in there.

    What do you do if you don't get sent to the same place? Remember, your infinitely good / forgiving / etc, god is meant to also send people for eternal torture.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    The Wife of Bath is my role model.
    Spoiler:
    Show

    Kidding. But I don't believe that one should then be a widow for the remainder of their life. I'm sure that your partner would want you to be happy and make the most of your life if you did fall in love again. I do think it's possible to love many people in your lifetime. You probably wont love them all in the same way since love can be quite abstract (I think. I wouldn't know ).
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    What other death is there? We have Birth, death, [afterlife foe all eternity, if you buy that]. I'm not seeing another place for a death in there.
    There is no other death but the physical death. However, my belief is that life continues after death. The phraseology of "if you buy that" only cements the arrogance of some atheists, who view Christians as simpletons who have bought into some scam or lie. If you take comfort in the belief that life is but a collage of meaningless and random chaos where nothing has any purpose, that we're all her just 'because', then that's fine. I just happen to prefer the idea that the dead aren't dead, that I will see my family and loved ones again, that there is meaning to what we do, that there is justice, etc. Why is it comforting to you to belittle a belief which is personal and something you yourself can't relate to?

    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    What do you do if you don't get sent to the same place? Remember, your infinitely good / forgiving / etc, god is meant to also send people for eternal torture.
    I'm not a fundamentalist.
    Online

    18
    ReputationRep:
    I have been married for 27 years. I cannot imagine life without my hubby. But it will happen. One of us will be alone.
    I can’t answer the question. I have no idea as to wether I could love another man in the same way. In theory it’s possible. I have more than one child and love them!
    I wouldn’t want my husband to be alone/lonely but I wouldn’t want him to forget me too quickly!
    Until either of us is in that position I guess we can’t say
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    I'm sure that if there was a heaven and you had to watch your spouse move on without you it would hurt at first but at the same time I would want them to. Why would I want my spouse to spend most of their life alone, given any potential children will move on. It would also put a bigger burden on any children to care for them and spend more time together. It would be incredibly selfish to expect someone to 'wait' and sacrifice their own happiness and wellbeing for a theoretical afterlife.
    • Section Leader
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Joel 96)
    The vow is interpretative.
    "till death do us part" can refer to the physical death, while Christianity believes that the spiritual bond will live on. It very much depends on your beliefs, but I get that you're non-religious, so you relate to the former interpretation.
    No.
    Romans 7:2-3
    • TSR Support Team
    • Community Assistant
    • Welcome Squad
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    I would want my fiancé to find someone else if I passed away when we were married. I don't like to think of him being alone and miserable :sad:
    Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Doonesbury)
    No.
    Romans 7:2-3
    Actually, that's not a counter to what I was saying. I'm aware that the bible doesn't consider widowers remarrying a sin.

    I do insist the vow is interpretive. Death is merely the parting of the physical body. I disagree with the subjective commentary that states "death breaks the marriage bond". That is not the same as being loosened from the law of your spouse. After his/her death, you have no obligation to stay single - I believe it to be a choice.
    • Section Leader
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Joel 96)
    Actually, that's not a counter to what I was saying. I'm aware that the bible doesn't consider widowers remarrying a sin.

    I do insist the vow is interpretive. Death is merely the parting of the physical body. I disagree with the subjective commentary that states "death breaks the marriage bond". That is not the same as being loosened from the law of your spouse. After his/her death, you have no obligation to stay single - I believe it to be a choice.
    The implication of what you wrote earlier was that the Bible considers the marriage contract to continue after death. Whereas it clearly doesn't.

    If, on the other hand, you as an individual would prefer not to remarry if your spouse died then that's entirely up to you. But equally if you pre-deceased it should be entirely up to your spouse to decide to remarry, or not. Whatever makes them happier.
    • Section Leader
    • Very Important Poster
    • Peer Support Volunteers
    • Clearing and Applications Advisor
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    I d want my husband to do whatever made him happy but I can't see myself remarrying if anything happened.
    I was actually a child when my dad died and 14 when my mum remarried and it was very difficult for me to adjust so if I had kids I especially couldn't see myself remarrying.
    I m an atheist and my husband's agnostic if it's relevant to your question.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    I wouldnt be able to recover. Hell no would I get married again.
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Joel 96)
    However, my belief is that life continues after death. The phraseology of "if you buy that" only cements the arrogance of some atheists, who view Christians as simpletons who have bought into some scam or lie.
    Do you care what is true? You believe something for which there is no evidence, but there is evidence against.

    Belief in an afterlife is dangerous - there would be fewer suicide bombers without it. You are setting-up an emotional blackmail for your spouse if you were to die young. Don't you want to be certain before (potentially) making the rest of their life (at best) less happy?

    If you take comfort in the belief that life is but a collage of meaningless and random chaos where nothing has any purpose, that we're all her just 'because', then that's fine.
    I care what is true. The Universe doesn't care what you want.

    I just happen to prefer the idea that the dead aren't dead, that I will see my family and loved ones again, that there is meaning to what we do, that there is justice, etc.
    Why do you think what you prefer has any bearing on what is true?

    Why is it comforting to you to belittle a belief which is personal and something you yourself can't relate to?
    As above, belief in an afterlife can be dangerous.

    If you don't want your belief to be challenged, then don't post it in a public forum. You could head-over to Faith and Spirituality, where evidence and logic are not required.

    I'm not a fundamentalist.
    Are you trying to say that you don't believe in Hell?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    Do you care what is true? You believe something for which there is no evidence, but there is evidence against.
    I don't believe that there is strong evidence for either, but if you feel you can prove to me that there is no afterlife, then go ahead, you'd be answering one of life's great questions. Hell, you'd become famous overnight, Dawkins would be kissing your shoes.

    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    Belief in an afterlife is dangerous - there would be fewer suicide bombers without it. You are setting-up an emotional blackmail for your spouse if you were to die young. Don't you want to be certain before (potentially) making the rest of their life (at best) less happy?
    What a complete and utter strawman. By that logic, atheism is dangerous because of the Russian Revolution. A society where churches were destroyed, where abortions outnumbered live births, where 9 million died from famine and disease. Does that mean atheism is dangerous? Sure, if you want to draw straws. That's not primarily in my interest, though.

    I suggest you look up the definition of blackmail. I would make it clear to her that I wouldn't remarry if she died, but that if she wanted to, she could. How is that blackmailing? And certainty of the future doesn't come into the calculus, but certainty of the present. I'm certain I love her, and I'm certain she loves me. That's what I'm certain of.

    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    I care what is true. The Universe doesn't care what you want.
    "x is true, y isn't!"

    You sound vaguely familiar to some other group.

    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    If you don't want your belief to be challenged, then don't post it in a public forum. You could head-over to Faith and Spirituality, where evidence and logic are not required.
    I'm quite happy with you challenging my opinions. I would've preferred if you had stuck to the subject at hand, rather than ranting on about my belief system being inferior to yours, but no, I'm content discussing this with you. Your condescension is unattractive, however.

    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    Are you trying to say that you don't believe in Hell?
    My point was that the bible isn't the all-consuming source of my beliefs. While I believe in an afterlife, the topic of hell merely seems to be a deterrent to stop criminal behaviour, as far as I'm concerned. Do I believe in the cliche fiery, torturous depths of pain and suffering? I don't know. I'm not concerned with it mostly because how other people end up is dependent on their own free will. I attribute my philosophy to the quote by Saint Augustine,
    "Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: November 14, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What newspaper do you read/prefer?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.