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Remarrying after the loss of a spouse... Watch

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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    I d want my husband to do whatever made him happy but I can't see myself remarrying if anything happened.
    I was actually a child when my dad died and 14 when my mum remarried and it was very difficult for me to adjust so if I had kids I especially couldn't see myself remarrying.
    I m an atheist and my husband's agnostic if it's relevant to your question.
    What was it like? If you don't mind me asking
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    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    Do you care what is true? You believe something for which there is no evidence, but there is evidence against.

    Belief in an afterlife is dangerous - there would be fewer suicide bombers without it. You are setting-up an emotional blackmail for your spouse if you were to die young. Don't you want to be certain before (potentially) making the rest of their life (at best) less happy?


    I care what is true. The Universe doesn't care what you want.


    Why do you think what you prefer has any bearing on what is true?


    As above, belief in an afterlife can be dangerous.

    If you don't want your belief to be challenged, then don't post it in a public forum. You could head-over to Faith and Spirituality, where evidence and logic are not required.


    Are you trying to say that you don't believe in Hell?
    You seem more interested in showing us all how self superior and intellectual you are because of your views. This is a friendly discussion and you've escalated it into another "edgy internet atheist" argument. You're far too old to be doing this sort of thing, leave the poster alone and learn to respect others opinions.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    I don't believe that there is strong evidence for either, but if you feel you can prove to me that there is no afterlife, then go ahead, you'd be answering one of life's great questions. Hell, you'd become famous overnight, Dawkins would be kissing your shoes.
    I didn't claim to be able to prove it, merely that there is evidence against an afterlife.

    An afterlife relies on your consciousness continuing, unaffected, after your death. We have evidence that death of brain material impacts a person's ability to think and their character. This strongly suggests that the person dies when their brain dies.

    What a complete and utter strawman. By that logic, atheism is dangerous because of the Russian Revolution. A society where churches were destroyed, where abortions outnumbered live births, where 9 million died from famine and disease. Does that mean atheism is dangerous?
    Atheism says nothing on any of those issues. It is a position on a single issue. Religions are belief systems, Atheism isn't.

    "Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."
    Wishful thinking doesn't change reality though, does it?!
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    I don't believe that there is strong evidence for either, but if you feel you can prove to me that there is no afterlife, then go ahead, you'd be answering one of life's great questions. Hell, you'd become famous overnight, Dawkins would be kissing your shoes.



    By that logic, atheism is dangerous because of the Russian Revolution. A society where churches were destroyed, where abortions outnumbered live births, where 9 million died from famine and disease. Does that mean atheism is dangerous? Sure, if you want to draw straws. That's not primarily in my interest, though.

    I suggest you look up the definition of blackmail. I would make it clear to her that I wouldn't remarry if she died, but that if she wanted to, she could. How is that blackmailing? And certainty of the future doesn't come into the calculus, but certainty of the present. I'm certain I love her, and I'm certain she loves me. That's what I'm certain of.



    "x is true, y isn't!"

    You sound vaguely familiar to some other group.



    I'm quite happy with you challenging my opinions. I would've preferred if you had stuck to the subject at hand, rather than ranting on about my belief system being inferior to yours, but no, I'm content discussing this with you. Your condescension is unattractive, however.



    My point was that the bible isn't the all-consuming source of my beliefs. While I believe in an afterlife, the topic of hell merely seems to be a deterrent to stop criminal behaviour, as far as I'm concerned. Do I believe in the cliche fiery, torturous depths of pain and suffering? I don't know. I'm not concerned with it mostly because how other people end up is dependent on their own free will. I attribute my philosophy to the quote by Saint Augustine,
    "Faith is to believe what you do not yet see; the reward for this faith is to see what you believe."
    Ignore this mate. All he's done here is twist your words. You're always going to get that one person who escalates the discussion beyond what is needed.

    I for one think you have a good philosophy in life, the idea that you have to be perfectly rational and sound in logic in every aspect of life is not really prevalent in anything outside of the "internet edgy atheist" community
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    (Original post by offsetWHOOP)
    You seem more interested in showing us all how self superior and intellectual you are because of your views.
    Not at all. I just don't think that anyone should be forced to be unhappy because of unevidenced beliefs, so I'm challenging those beliefs. They are directly relevant to the question being asked by this thread.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    I suggest you look up the definition of blackmail. I would make it clear to her that I wouldn't remarry if she died, but that if she wanted to, she could. How is that blackmailing? And certainty of the future doesn't come into the calculus, but certainty of the present. I'm certain I love her, and I'm certain she loves me. That's what I'm certain of.
    Blackmail isn't quite the right word, but I'm sure you get the jist. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've effectively implied that, if you are unfortunate enough to die young, you believe that you will be watching your GF/spouse and want to be with them after they die.

    It appears that my points aren't welcome, so I'm done on this thread.
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    (Original post by offsetWHOOP)
    I for one think you have a good philosophy in life, the idea that you have to be perfectly rational and sound in logic in every aspect of life is not really prevalent in anything outside of the "internet edgy atheist" community which includes the likes of RogerOx(mor)on.
    Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't think he's a moron though, just a little defensive.
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    (Original post by offsetWHOOP)
    What was it like? If you don't mind me asking
    Of course I dont mind, I don't think enough people talk about things like this openly. It was very difficult, seeing your parent go through that sort of loss is quite traumatic so naturally I didn't want anyone or anything to hurt her again and I didn't trust my step dad not to. I also found it difficult to have the conversation that I didn't want him to be a father figure to me.

    I was 9 when my dad died and unfortunately at the time the professional opinion my mum was given wasn't that it would massively affect me mentally with the general understanding you have of death at that age , and I hadn't really gotten near to processing my grief properly when my mum got with my step dad so that did make things worse.
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    (Original post by Joel 96)
    What is the forum's views on widows and widowers remarrying?

    Statistically, men are more likely to repartner after losing their spouse, but does that correlate with the idea that men are less faithful or loyal?

    Does spirituality and the belief in the afterlife have an effect on whether or not you decide to remarry? What if we hypothetically knew for a fact that there is an afterlife, and that you would see your deceased spouse again - do your views change on remarriage?

    My personal view:
    At the age of 21 years, I have a strong belief that I would wait until my death to be with my deceased spouse again. The idea of remarrying seems to be replacing what was once a special and eternal bond between two peoples. I look at examples where widows and widowers have remarried and I tend to think that it's nice they're happy, but I can't help but think about (if the concept of the afterlife exists, of course) the spouse who's looking down and watching his/her alive spouse move on through life. If you were the deceased spouse, would you be happy for them, or hurt? I would genuinely feel hurt; does this mean that I'm a bad person? I mean, I love my girlfriend a lot and always want what's best for her, but if we were to marry, I would consider that a promise that we'd be together for eternity. The idea of remarriage seems to contradict that promise.

    Thoughts?
    I probably wouldn't remarry myself, simply because I can't shake the feeling that my life would feel like a *****y imitation of what it was like beforehand, and I would find that much more depressing than an objectively worse, but different, life. As for my partner if I were to die, I'd absolutely hope they'd be able to get over me. My memory has no right to ruin their future.

    As for if we knew there was an afterlife, wouldn't everybody just commit suicide in that situation? Heaven sounds a lot better than earth, especially if your partner is waiting for you up there.
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    (Original post by RogerOxon)
    Not at all. I just don't think that anyone should be forced to be unhappy because of unevidenced beliefs, so I'm challenging those beliefs. They are directly relevant to the question being asked by this thread.
    I am not sure what made you think anyone's been forced to do anything. Even then, it'd be a negligible number anyway.

    I believe in individual freedom, and anyway it's not like anyone's gonna suddenly change their outlook on life because arrogant Roger from TSR said so.
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    (Original post by claireestelle)
    Of course I dont mind, I don't think enough people talk about things like this openly. It was very difficult, seeing your parent go through that sort of loss is quite traumatic so naturally I didn't want anyone or anything to hurt her again and I didn't trust my step dad not to. I also found it difficult to have the conversation that I didn't want him to be a father figure to me.

    I was 9 when my dad died and unfortunately at the time the professional opinion my mum was given wasn't that it would massively affect me mentally with the general understanding you have of death at that age , and I hadn't really gotten near to processing my grief properly when my mum got with my step dad so that did make things worse.
    Ahh damn. I don't think even your mum was prepared either, it's a bit of a reflection of our lack of appreciation for the importance of mental health in society. I hope it ultimately turned out well
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    Have to remarry....if there no love is exist for your Ex
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    (Original post by offsetWHOOP)
    Ahh damn. I don't think even your mum was prepared either, it's a bit of a reflection of our lack of appreciation for the importance of mental health in society. I hope it ultimately turned out well
    No she wasn't prepared , yes it is. Well I think I ve come out of it as best as I could.
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    (Original post by DaftVader)
    As for if we knew there was an afterlife, wouldn't everybody just commit suicide in that situation? Heaven sounds a lot better than earth, especially if your partner is waiting for you up there.
    That would be crazy stuff!
 
 
 
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