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When is whinging, just that and not just venting or genuine? Watch

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    Having a argument/debate with some people about the differences of both.

    I for example grew up in poverty, had parents with physical health problems, lived in small town with no transport links, factories closed and near to no work (even 20 years ago people were commuting hours a day on trains)

    Told won't achieve anything at school but left with 100% in many exams, just because I came from council estate.

    I have my own disability and had a family member die and local media sensationalise it into something it wasn't so people assumed it was planned and assaulted my family on street, had human waste chucked at door, another family member had their hand smashed in fire door and broken.

    Well I could go on and on, but I dropped out of uni twice and college twice due to depression, and don't last long in work despite having no issues until that death, this isn't aimed at a mental health thread but when I talk about how I struggled people told me I have a victim mentality, whinging, woe is me and I should just take responsibility for myself, or how I have a unnatural amount of bad things happen to me thus hint I am lying, or go on the usual "well everyone has to work in jobs they hate for low wages" and "everyone works their way up from nothing" which feels like shaming.

    So back to the original question, when is it valid reasons and when is it just being a victim (and even then when is it genuine victim)
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Having a argument/debate with some people about the differences of both.

    I for example grew up in poverty, had parents with physical health problems, lived in small town with no transport links, factories closed and near to no work (even 20 years ago people were commuting hours a day on trains)

    Told won't achieve anything at school but left with 100% in many exams, just because I came from council estate.

    I have my own disability and had a family member die and local media sensationalise it into something it wasn't so people assumed it was planned and assaulted my family on street, had human waste chucked at door, another family member had their hand smashed in fire door and broken.

    Well I could go on and on, but I dropped out of uni twice and college twice due to depression, and don't last long in work despite having no issues until that death, this isn't aimed at a mental health thread but when I talk about how I struggled people told me I have a victim mentality, whinging, woe is me and I should just take responsibility for myself, or how I have a unnatural amount of bad things happen to me thus hint I am lying, or go on the usual "well everyone has to work in jobs they hate for low wages" and "everyone works their way up from nothing" which feels like shaming.

    So back to the original question, when is it valid reasons and when is it just being a victim (and even then when is it genuine victim)
    People often don't understand the gravity of other people's experiences and are dismissive of them. It's best to not get too heavy with people you aren't close to, and save it for counsellors/therapists, and people who you are close to. If they dismiss you too, find different people to be close to!

    I hope things get better for you ~
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    There's not really an exact definition, especially at first. If I had to put a hard and fast definition I think at first it could be either, it's how long someone does so for, and much more importantly, how much they self-pity without pulling themselves together. It also depends on the severity of what they're talking about.

    Example A: Someone spends about an hour speaking about how losing someone has hurt them. I think that's closer to venting.

    Example B: Someone spends an hour complaining about how they're annoyed someone got a better mark than them. Probably whining because they don't hint at any point about trying to work harder and do something about it where they legitimately can.

    Example C: Someone spends an hour speaking about how school is being really hard for them. Here's where it's tricky - legitimately it could be either. It might be venting if it's so difficult they need to, or it could be whining if they spend said hour blaming the school for everything, etc.

    There honestly is no clear way of defining it, I think it just depends on the mixture of severity of subject, time spent on about it, and in some cases if they don't consider their own element where appropriate.
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    (Original post by CastCuraga)
    There's not really an exact definition, especially at first. If I had to put a hard and fast definition I think at first it could be either, it's how long someone does so for, and much more importantly, how much they self-pity without pulling themselves together. It also depends on the severity of what they're talking about.

    Example A: Someone spends about an hour speaking about how losing someone has hurt them. I think that's closer to venting.

    Example B: Someone spends an hour complaining about how they're annoyed someone got a better mark than them. Probably whining because they don't hint at any point about trying to work harder and do something about it where they legitimately can.

    Example C: Someone spends an hour speaking about how school is being really hard for them. Here's where it's tricky - legitimately it could be either. It might be venting if it's so difficult they need to, or it could be whining if they spend said hour blaming the school for everything, etc.

    There honestly is no clear way of defining it, I think it just depends on the mixture of severity of subject, time spent on about it, and in some cases if they don't consider their own element where appropriate.
    Yes, this was how they justified it actually, lets say they were talking about benefit claimaints it would be "people on benefits are lazy/should take any job/jobs are easy to come by" etc

    I would come on and list how I grew up without working parents, and how I came from a small town which was hit hard by mining and factory closures in the 80s, I would add I have disabities, mental health problems etc that made it even harder to find work, I would be told that alone was whinging.

    Or if I said I spent 2 years signed off when a family member died I got told "everyone has problems, you should work and pay your way"

    It just so happened that I have been a member of a webstie for many years and the same sort of discussions come up often like mental health, benefits, immigration so I mention the same sort of things each time which makes them think I am just whinging.

    But on the flip side they are ok to say theres no such thing as unemployment, and people with mental health problems should just deal with it as theres always someone worse, and how every worker doesn't want to be working, and wants higher wages etc.

    In short they say to everything that some people just get by thus everyone should and if you don't or have a life less than perfect you are a excuse maker.

    its not just one website though, I hear it in everyday life just I go on certain websites a lot.
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    Whether it's whinging or venting depends on the outlook of the writer in my opinion. If they're just writing it to calm themselves down, so that they can get back into the right frame of mind, then that's what I'd consider venting. If they're using it as an excuse for whatever reason, it's whinging.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Yes, this was how they justified it actually, lets say they were talking about benefit claimaints it would be "people on benefits are lazy/should take any job/jobs are easy to come by" etc

    I would come on and list how I grew up without working parents, and how I came from a small town which was hit hard by mining and factory closures in the 80s, I would add I have disabities, mental health problems etc that made it even harder to find work, I would be told that alone was whinging.

    Or if I said I spent 2 years signed off when a family member died I got told "everyone has problems, you should work and pay your way"

    It just so happened that I have been a member of a webstie for many years and the same sort of discussions come up often like mental health, benefits, immigration so I mention the same sort of things each time which makes them think I am just whinging.

    But on the flip side they are ok to say theres no such thing as unemployment, and people with mental health problems should just deal with it as theres always someone worse, and how every worker doesn't want to be working, and wants higher wages etc.

    In short they say to everything that some people just get by thus everyone should and if you don't or have a life less than perfect you are a excuse maker.

    its not just one website though, I hear it in everyday life just I go on certain websites a lot.
    That's a social issue, unfortunately. Mental health and social disadvantaging is still severely stigmatised even within the lower classes, which generally breeds an "I don't want to know" attitude. A lot of people have problems, like you said, so instead of "let's all help each other", it appears to have become "You have problems? We all do, deal with it."

    To an extent I think it's because people don't generally know themselves the difference between whining and venting, and immediately assume any type of venting is whining, or frankly, where I grew up, it was a case of everyone wanting to be a "hard man" (...even the women...) and had no real time for it.

    You mentioned the mining crisis so I'm assuming you're either from North Wales or Northern England; for NW I used to live there and I'm aware that's pretty prevalent because of the encroaching poverty making everyone a bit more snappish.
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    (Original post by DaftVader)
    Whether it's whinging or venting depends on the outlook of the writer in my opinion. If they're just writing it to calm themselves down, so that they can get back into the right frame of mind, then that's what I'd consider venting. If they're using it as an excuse for whatever reason, it's whinging.
    Sometimes it can be both, sometimes it can be genuine.

    i.e I had little to no safety net growing up or as a adult so when things went wrong I fell to the bottom and had to slowly work back up, having disabilities made it worse.

    People say the fact I mention my disabilities means its a excuse, or that I am just whinging because I have made nothing of myself

    as people can tell I do have a habit of personal experiences in writing something, which funnily enough is due to disabilities the same ones people see as a excuse.

    No win situation.
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    (Original post by CastCuraga)
    That's a social issue, unfortunately. Mental health and social disadvantaging is still severely stigmatised even within the lower classes, which generally breeds an "I don't want to know" attitude. A lot of people have problems, like you said, so instead of "let's all help each other", it appears to have become "You have problems? We all do, deal with it."

    To an extent I think it's because people don't generally know themselves the difference between whining and venting, and immediately assume any type of venting is whining, or frankly, where I grew up, it was a case of everyone wanting to be a "hard man" (...even the women...) and had no real time for it.

    You mentioned the mining crisis so I'm assuming you're either from North Wales or Northern England; for NW I used to live there and I'm aware that's pretty prevalent because of the encroaching poverty making everyone a bit more snappish.
    Scottish Borders, textiles, coal mines, rubber factories etc all closed in the 80s.
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    It boils down to ultra individualism and the 'I'm all right, Jack' mentality that we seem to have inherited from our American cousins over the past 30 years.
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    (Original post by drbluebox)
    Sometimes it can be both, sometimes it can be genuine.

    i.e I had little to no safety net growing up or as a adult so when things went wrong I fell to the bottom and had to slowly work back up, having disabilities made it worse.

    People say the fact I mention my disabilities means its a excuse, or that I am just whinging because I have made nothing of myself

    as people can tell I do have a habit of personal experiences in writing something, which funnily enough is due to disabilities the same ones people see as a excuse.

    No win situation.
    I disagree that it can be both. Venting is a personal thing - it can take the same form as whinging (such as forum posts) but it can also be expressed without intervention from other people - shouting at the top of your voice (in a secluded area) can be an excellent method of venting for example. If you make a forum post venting your anger at something, you might never even come back to it to see the responses - they're irrelevant to the venting process. Whinging requires other people - you whinge in order to gain sympathy, which can make you feel better. Either can be genuine of course, but in my experience whinging is more likely to be exaggerated than venting.

    Using personal experiences when writing is natural, as those are the experiences you are most familiar with. Without knowledge of your mental state, it's impossible to always be able to tell the difference between reasons and excuses, but a lot of people assume the latter.

    TL;DR If you want to know for yourself whether what you're saying is whinging or venting, ask yourself how you feel right before you hit the send button on a thread. If you're feeling a lot better already then you're venting, if you're not then you're probably whinging.
 
 
 
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