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How to be more sociable and regain confidence? watch

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    • Thread Starter

    Hello everyone! So... it’s been almost a year since I moved to this new university, far away from where I used to live.

    Anyways, I had to move university due to some reasons so I continued my course at this new university when it’s already Year 2; which means everyone had their own group of friends. By group, I mean at least 5 people.

    I find it hard to make friends because i’m a shy person and even if i managed to find a friend, I wouldn’t be able to join or accepted into their group.

    I’m saying this because I tried. I made friend with this girl first and i sit with her group of friends but i would be excluded out of the conversation. They would hang out without me. I do talk to them sometimes in class but after classes are over, we are practically strangers.
    Also, I’m not sure if this is supposed to be an issue but even after 6 months, they’ve not added me into Whatsapp Group or anything. Right now, I’m not in the same class with them anymore because we took different option module.

    I’m in this new class now, and I find this group of friends who sits behind me really fun and I want to be their friend. I constantly eavesdrop to their conversation, wishing I was in the conversation. They are a group of people who is those “work hard, play hard” type, like me. So i feel like we would make a great group of friend. But again, I’m okay making friend with anyone as long as they’re not being a bad influence or using me.

    I have lost confidence after constantly getting rejected and became more insecure. I’ve never felt this way before in my whole life.
    I used to be someone who had squads, we would go watch movies together and all that. I really missed those days. 2017 had been a really bad year for many reasons and I’m living far away from home. I miss my family and i feel really lonely.

    It will be my last year soon already and I would like to make good memories to remember.

    Please give me some good tips and even if you don’t, at least some word of encouragement.

    I will appreciate any of your help.

    Thanks all!

    PS: don’t say join clubs or anything like that because my main aim is to make friends with my classmate
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    Try starting off sitting on there table or near them, ask them questions on whatever you work is on, if not just turn around and ask; is it okay if I hang out with you guys or can I hang out with you guys for lunch etc and see how it goes, good luck!
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    I was like you, i drifted from friendship group to friendship group at uni, but then i realised that if you don't think you have friends, then you haven't quite understood the meaning of friends yet. I would personally go up and get to know someone from their group and the rest falls in place. I know it's hard, but the majority of people lose their shyness once they're with someone they like, but If you don't ask, you don't get!

    not every group is the same, keep putting yourself out there and saying hi to people - you never know what you might have in common! don't be afraid of rejection either. if they are rude/unresponsive/just uninterested it's not a reflection of you, and it's probably for the best.

    for me, i found the best method was to literally fake it until i made it. i watched the most confident people in my classes and just incorporated what they did into what i did. however, that's not to say you should change who you are at all; just that you can learn how to be confident from observing others
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    • Community Assistant

    Community Assistant
    I agree with the above.

    Keep putting yourself out there and say hi to people. Join clubs, societies, voluntary activities.

    Sit next to people at lectures, tutorials and just converse with them on how they find the topic, why did they choose this course and what their ambitions are.

    I hope this helps:

    1) Relax, imagine you're just observing or there as a traveller. For example, if you are on holiday, you go there to experience and observe the attraction, you're not going to get anxious doing that are you?

    2) Smile, smiling in contagious.

    3) Be confident, respect yourself, accept yourself, work out, wear good clothes, feel good, focus on your passions, know you are a good person who treats people well, think positively, be proud of yourself, do things that make you happy, remember your happy times, what makes you confident? What makes you proud? Do you have a skill you are good at? Do things like cooking, driving, learning that increases your confidence daily. Relax.

    Have good posture, body language, improve your appearance. Be happy with yourself.

    4) Dress well, have good grooming, hairstyle, have good posture.

    5) Just say hi or hey to people in your vicinity, who cares if they don't say anything back?

    6) Ask how they are, how are they keeping, how's everything, what's the latest, what made them choose this course, their plans for the future, their plans for the rest of the day, weekend, how was their weekend, what they will get up to, what they got up to, ask them about their hobbies, talk about what's happening.

    Talk about the weather or did you see that sports game? Just mingle with them,

    Compliment them, say "I like your jacket".

    If you know they went on a holiday or somewhere, ask them about it etc.

    7) Be passionate about life.

    8) Lighten up, have a laugh, laugh easily, be friendly, approachable, interested, relaxed.

    9) Look outside!
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